"So, after the first weekend, how do your brackets look?" was the question a friend asked me after the first two rounds of what is the greatest three-week period in sports.

I would type my response to that question, but little kids could be reading this.

Put it this way. All of the six brackets I did look like a bad sixth-grade spelling test. I've never done so bad in a pool before. Yea, sure, the first couple of rounds are tough to pick with some small, no-name school beating a team that shouldn't have been seeded as high as it was, but, once it gets to the Sweet Sixteen, I usually have 13 of the 16 teams still alive.

Not this year. This year I did about as good as J.J. Redick did against LSU. My brackets were as solid as a baby's stool after eating gerber lima beans. I made as much money in my pools as a 72-year-old stripper at a bachelor party. I got about as many picks right as...you get the point.

I know it's just for fun, but I always want to win these things. And we all know who ends up winning most pools. The chick who picked UCLA because she likes Venice Beach. The guy who really doesn't follow college hoops but who had a cousin who graduated from Florida. The chick who thinks gold fronts are sexy and picks LSU. The guy who thinks groin shots are hilarious and picks George Mason.

I think I've come up with the solution for what I like to call "Bracketitis." Have some complete ditz make all your picks for you. Give your dog a two-liter bottle full of water, let it run through him, put your bracket where his "spot" is and let that be how you make your picks. Don't be rational. Don't base your picks on guard play, perimeter defense, and three-point shooting. Base them on color combinations, cuddly animals, and cute cheerleaders.

And, by all means, do NOT pick your alma mater to go all the way. I picked against Michigan State in 2000, 2003, and 2005. My Spartans won the title and got to the Elite Eight and Final Four in those three years. I had this gut feeling MSU could go all the way this year what with North Carolina's youth, Tennessee's overratedness (is that even a word), and Connecticut's inconsistent play. State went down faster than that Jaeger bomb I had after the buzzer sounded in their 75-65 loss to George Mason in the first round.

I know upsets are part of the fun, but not when they come at your team's expense.

I look at it this way. If they had this system for football, I wouldn't even have the hopes of State winning the national title.

Seriously, what coach gets a fourth year with one bowl appearance, a .500 record, a bunch of bad recruits, an offense that every good defensive coordinator has figured out....