(CHARLOTTE, NC)  Jamie McMurray surprised Nascar insiders today by going  to extreme measures to stay at Roush Fenway Racing.  McMurray announced that he had been adopted by Tom and Gaye Busch and was now to be known as Jamie McMurray-Busch, the third Busch brother.
"I've always wanted two brothers, and you really couldn't pick any better ones than Kurt and Kyle," said McMurray at his press conference.  "Nascar is a family sport.  I'm just expanding the family a little."

"I'm thrilled to have three such accomplished sons," said Gaye Busch.  "Jamie has been like one of the family for a long time now.  Why, he even gave me my Mother's Day gift early - a new Roush Mustang.  Kurt never got me one when he was at Roush!"

"Are you F@$#&n' kidding me?" remarked Kurt Busch when he was told the news.  "One little brother is f*$#@$n' enough!"

"Well, if Kurt is Buschie, and I'm Shrub, does that mean that Jamie is Bonsai?" Kyle smirked.  "Or will he keep "cupcake"?"

"I guess desperate times call for desperate measures," remarked a Roush Fenway employee, who refused to be named.   "Jamie's souvenir sales are down.  He hopes to spark either a Busch backlash or to hop on the Kyle Fan-Bandwagon.  Kyle's numbers have been going up every week, especially when he and Dale Jr. tussle."

"He's really worried that Jack will cut him," said a Kenseth crew member.  "He's the odd man out.  Matt's the Champ.  Biffle's gotten two championships for Jack; Carl's a sponsorship dream and contender.  That leaves David or Jamie. David's been running better for the past year."

McMurray, though, denied he was motivated by the upcoming Roush Fenway team cut.  "I'm not worried about Jack cutting me.  I'm a valuable part of the team.  And now, I'm part of the Busch dynasty.  I got this job because of Kurt's abrupt departure from Roush.  Kyle started in Nascar driving for Jack's truck team.  Jack loves having a Busch on the payroll."

When reached for comment, Jack Roush was blunt, as usual.  "Did the adoption give him an attitude too?" snarked Roush.  "If it did, he'll be driving for Yates by the end of the week."