as my entry from earlier this week outlined, my friends and i debate quite a bit.  one method through which we choose to debate is list-making.  several online articles on sites such as espn.com, foxsports.com, etc. use this as a basis for discussion, as do many shows on sports channels, such as "top five reasons you can't blame ____" and the recent series of espn shows outlining the top 20 players, teams, events, etc. in a particular category.  my plan is to occassionally share the lists we debate through this blog with the hope that they will be interesting enough to read and possibly even comment upon.  they tend to focus mainly on the present (being that i am 23, and could not make a solid case for or against wilt beating kareem or dr. j in one-on-one or whether bob gibson or sandy koufax would take the mound for my team in a game 7) and will also sometimes focus on strange material. 

for instance, today's topic is "top 10 nba players you would want on your side in a fight."  i don't know why, but this has come up several times over the past few weeks, so i figured i would compile my list, give my reasoning, and hope for feedback.  the rules are fairly simple: you are walking in a dark alleyway (somehow the arena of choice for any fracas).  you have one of these players with you to fight off any attacker(s) of any size, number, and demeanor.  there are no weapons, and you and your partner must at least knock out the opponent(s) to survive.  i have broken down each player through three categories: level of jackedness (how big and cut they are), level of craziness (volatility of mood, behavior, and appearance), and meaness/toughness (fighting prowess and basically how scared i am of them).  anyway, here's the list....

10) Craig Smith - Forward, Minnesota Timberwolves (6-7, 250) 

jacked level: 8     craziness level: 6     meaness/toughness level: 8

i am fully aware that craig smith is only a rookie and has yet to play an nba game.  however, being a tarheel fan, i have seen him in several regular season acc games over the past few years, and he is an absolute tank.  he is only 6'7", but he routinely backs down power forwards and centers 5 inches taller and 30 lbs. heavier.  he is one of those players who always wears a mouthguard (akin to number 4 on this list) and for good reason.  he's an absolute bruiser and has a pension for mixing it up as well.

9) Chris Kaman - Forward, Los Angeles Clippers (7-0, 265)

jacked level: 4     craziness level: 9     meaness/toughness level: 6

chris kaman is a big fella, but is by no means muscular.  he hasn't gotten into it with the nba's best big men and generally is not an imposing presence on the court.  he is on this list purely for the fact that he combines the looks of dahmer, kaczynski, and rader into one.  its like he asks for the "don't ever let your kids near me again" treatment at the salon/spa.  tell me you would be completely confident meeting this dude (dressed in an al borland shirt and ripped jeans) in a dark alley.  nope.

8) Danny Fortson - Forward, Seattle(for now) Supersonics (6-8, 260)

jacked level: 6     craziness level: 7     meaness/toughness: 7

players from the bob huggins era at cincinnati are seemingly bred to be high-energy and high-contact.  what they may lack in discipline or fundamental skill, they more than make up for with a fighter's mentality.  fortson (along with number 4 on this list) embodies that character, and has become one of the nba's most physical rebounders.  although he isn't as cut as some others on the list, his unique "tracy morgan meets the predator" look represents a force to be reckoned with.

7) Dwight Howard - Forward/Center, Orlando Magic (6-11, 240)

jacked level: 8     craziness level: 5     meaness/toughness level: 7

howard is still fighting the image that he is too thin and lanky to be considered a top nba player.  when he was drafted out of high school, the magic told him that he would need to gain muscle quickly in order to obtain and secure the spot as their #1 center for the future.  he has done that and more, adding almost 20 lbs. of solid muscle in the last two years.  he finished in the top 5 in both rebounding and blocks this past season, showing his tenacity and toughness in the lane.  he is quick and strong, and would be an asset in any scuffle.

6) Rasheed Wallace - Forward, Detroit Pistons (6-11, 230)

jacked level: 6     craziness level: 8     meaness/toughness: 7

big mouth with missing teeth? check.  unkept beard? check.  ambiguously "deep" tattoos? check.  propensity for yelling, fighting, and general debauchery? check.  lead the league in technical fouls for multiple years? check.  rasheed lacks the work ethic, frame, and quickness to be a prizefighter, but he certainly has the intangibles.  go back and check out any one of sheed's rants during his time in portland or detroit, and you can tell that he would use any energy his body can muster to come to your defense.  he would also be more than willing to bite if necessary.    

5) Shaquille O'Neal - Center, Miami Heat (7-1, 325)

jacked level: 7     craziness level: 6     meaness/toughness: 7

truth be told, shaq was not on my original list.  i thought he was too old, slow, heavy, and docile to be an asset in a brawl.  then i was reminded of how he looked in this year's playoffs: he was thinner and quicker, still just as physical, and showed his fighting mentality when he attempted to get up and piledrive stackhouse following the flagrant foul in the finals.  i liken him to mike tyson in the middle of his career.  not the best mechanics or size, but once he lands one, your day (and life) is over.

4) Kenyon Martin - Forward, Denver Nuggets (6-9, 240)

jacked level: 7     craziness level: 7     meaness/toughness level: 8 

like fortson, kmart fits the cincinnati mold of bruising ballplayers.  like craig smith, kmart rocks the mouthguard at all times.  however, he is more physical and has a worse attitude than both.  oftentimes, a player's ability (and urge) to fight is accompanied with problems with the coach and management of the team for which he plays.  several players on this list fit the description, and with the current rift between kmart and george karl, he has moved into this group as well.  in addition to his bad attitude and imposing physical stature, he also has a nervous tick.  it may be tourette's, but i believe it is simply a reaction to not punching anyone in the throat in the past 10 minutes.

3) Alonzo Mourning - Center, Miami Heat (6-10, 261)

jacked level: 9     craziness level: 5     meaness/toughness level: 8

don't let the well-manicured facial hair, reserved attitude, and elder statesman gig fool you...zo can still mix it up with the best of them.  after 14 seasons in the nba and one kidney transplant, you would be "reserved" too.  the fighter's mentality which once manifested itself in outright, on-court fights now is channeled into emotion-charged speeches and leadership by action for his team.  he still has the undying drive to compete and win at any cost, and has maintained the skill and build to do so successfully.  even with his health problems, i would take him on my side in a brawl anytime.

2) Ben Wallace - Center, Chicago Bulls (6-9, 240)

  jacked level: 8     craziness level: 7     meaness/toughness: 8

just as ex-teammate sheed's unkept hair and unruly attitude aids in his consideration as a fighter, ben wallace is positively affected by the same factors.  both his 'fro (home games) and braids (away games) look menacing and represent his two styles of play.  he is as wild, ferocious, and untamed as one of his foul shots, yet is able to lock down opponents on the defensive end (his multiple "defensive player of the year" awards attest to the these characteristics).  add his size, work ethic, and hard-nosed attitude to the mix, and he becomes one bad mutha. 

1) Ron Artest - Guard/Forward, Sacramento Kings (6-7, 260)

jacked level: 7     craziness level: 10     meaness/toughness: 8

ronnie is nuts.  he is absolutely crazy.  from the way he plays, to his behavior in the infamous "malice at the palace," to the way he looks away from the camera and interviewer during interviews, to his soft, muttered, stumbling speach patterns, he isn't right.  now i am not saying he isn't a tremendous basketball player - in fact, if i were to make a list of my top starting five in the nba (hint for future entry), he would be one of my players - but i am saying that, like t.o., mike tyson, and darren daulton, his documented negative attitude is just scratching the surface of a deeply disturbed individual.  its as if he continutally asks himself "what is the most inappropriate and offensive thing i can say at this very moment?" and he internally answers and verbally communicates it at the same time.  i honestly think that i would rather have no nba player on my side in a fight for the pure reason that he would use any tactic available to him for as long as it took to squash any opponent.  i also think that he is probably some kind of alien-vampire hybrid, and thus requires a special and secret method to kill him, so we have that going for us too.