There's a buzz all over America, ever increasing in volume, reminding us that the NFL will be here soon. Right now the 2008 season is a clean slate and the possibilities are endless. Will your team make the NFL Playoffs this year? I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but they won't, and here's why:

AFC East:

Buffalo Bills. Their defense stinks, their offense stinks, and they only won seven games last year because of luck and good special teams play. There'll be frozen tears in Buffalo this winter.

Miami Dolphins. They were the worst team in the NFL last year and then they got rid of Jason Taylor. Perhaps this year they can achieve the goal that eluded them last year: an alldefeated season.

New England Patriots. It takes a lot of hard work to go undefeated during the regular season. Judging by their preseason the Patriots are still worn out both mentally and physically and age is starting to creep up on them. After being the victims of the biggest upset in Super Bowl history they're ready to be the biggest disappointment in regular season history.

New York Jets. Q: Why did the Packers want to get rid of Brett Favre? A: Because he's old and thinks the NFL revolves around him. The Jets were the only suckers who wanted to deal with his drama, and it will be the downfall of the kelly green. The Madden curse lives on!

AFC North:

Baltimore Ravens. They were awful last year and then Jonathan Ogden retired. With an aging defense and an inexperienced offensive line the Ravens have no chance of playing past December.

Cincinnati Bengals. They brought back problem child Chris Henry and their star receiver is forcing everyone to call him by the digits of his jersey number in Spanish. They'll be lucky if they get through a single down without some sort of distraction coming up.

Cleveland Browns. The Browns tried to improve their run defense with a tackle from Detroit, another team that was weak against the run. Real smart, boys. The Dawg Pound is going to be walking home with their tails between their legs an awful lot this season.

Pittsburgh Steelers. The loss of Alan Faneca is a huge blow to their offensive line. Ben Roethlisberger and Willie Parker won't have the same success as last year without proper blocking. Better get used to losing to the Browns, Steeler fans.

AFC South:

Houston Texans. They may have had the best season in their short history last year, but they still finished in last place. Their division is just too stacked. The Texans' only hope for contention is realignment.

Jacksonville Jaguars. Matt Jones' very presence on the team is a distraction. He was arrested for cocaine possession in July and doesn't even know his team's playbook. The fact that they keep him around tells you that this organization doesn't care about winning. The mediocre season turned in by the Jaguars will only hasten their move to a new city.

Indianapolis Colts. Marvin Harrison won't be the same after last year's injury and the O-line will struggle early on without Jeff Saturday. By the time the Colts are all on the same page it'll be too late to think postseason. At least Peyton Manning has a dad he can talk to about it, since Archie was well-acquainted with missing the Playoffs.

Tennessee Titans. The Titans' offense depends too much on Vince Young. This will be his third NFL season, and teams are learning how to neutralize him. Once he's out of the equation the Titans will be out of the Playoff picture.

AFC West:

Denver Broncos. They let Jason Elam, one of the best kickers in the game, sign with the Falcons. Elam made the Broncos a pretty consistent team during his time in Denver, but without him they'll be struggling to win six games. The only thing in Denver thinner than the air is the Broncos' depth chart.

Kansas City Chiefs. Larry Johnson is nothing without Will Shields. Jared Allen is now playing in Minnesota. Tony Gonzalez is on the wrong side of 30. Their long snapper is French Canadian. The Chiefs are going to be terrible.

Oakland Raiders. Their owner is senile and they strengthened a weak defense by adding some overrated players. Commitment to excellence? Excuse me while I scoff.

San Diego Chargers. Their coach is Norv Turner. This team had the talent to win more than 11 games last year, but ol' Norv found a way for them to underachieve. The farther in the past Marty Schottenheimer gets the worse the Chargers will get. The only successful Bolt that will come out of 2008 is Usain.

NFC East:

Dallas Cowboys. Terrell Owens is like a time bomb. Sooner or later he always becomes a distraction that's too big for the rest of the team to overcome. With malcontents like Pacman Jones and Tank Johnson in the mix these Cowboys are on the verge of self-destruction. America's Team might have to apply for a new country after they bring shame to this one.

New York Giants. Their defensive line was one of their biggest strengths and then they lost Michael Strahan to retirement and Osi Umenyiora to injury. They got lucky last year, but without the pass rush it's not going to happen again. The 2008 Giants will have a lot in common with the 2006 Steelers.

Philadelphia Eagles. They have lots of talent, but it's not enough in this division. Brian Westbrook's numbers will suffer without Thomas Tapeh and Donovan McNabb's annual injury will keep the Eagles from soaring. The Philadelphia players might as well prepare to be booed now.

Washington Redskins. Last time Joe Gibbs left the Redskins it was seven years before they made another Playoff appearance. Jim Zorn will be this decade's Richie Petitbon.

NFC North:

Chicago Bears. Of all the quarterbacks on their roster they decided the best was a guy who'd completed 52% of his career passes. Their defense looks good on paper, but you know it's only a matter of time before half those guys get injured. Even Bill Swerski's Superfans don't think this team has a chance.

Detroit Lions. Matt Millen is still the general manager. That's all you need to know.

Green Bay Packers. Q: Why did the Packers want to get rid of Brett Favre? A: Because they're idiots. Aaron Rodgers will never be half the quarterback Favre was, and the Packers will get their comeuppance for disrespecting him when they flop this year. Remember Packer football between the Vince Lombardi and Ron Wolf eras? Yeah, it'll be kind of like that.

Minnesota Vikings. Tarvaris Jackson isn't much of a passer and Bryant McKinnie's suspension won't help matters. Adrian Peterson had a great rookie year, but without Tony Richardson blocking for him a sophomore slump is all but certain. Failure, thy color is purple.

NFC South:

Atlanta Falcons. This team is bad on both sides of the ball. Their starting quarterback is a rookie who wasn't very good in preseason. As long as Michael Vick is still on the Falcons' roster they'll be cursed by the spirits of his dead pit bulls.

Carolina Panthers. Every year it's the same old story. Everyone expects the Panthers to be good and they end up being mediocre. This year won't be any different. Last year it was Julius Peppers who mysteriously started playing poorly. Any bets on who it'll be this year?

New Orleans Saints. Their pass defense is one of the worst in the NFL, and their explosive offense isn't enough to offset it. If Jeremy Shockey's act wasn't appreciated in a city known for its rudeness it certainly won't be appreciated in laid-back bayou country. The Louisiana Superdome will be the only super thing related to the Saints.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers. They have too many quarterbacks, their wide receivers are as old as dirt and Jon Gruden has a hard time putting together two straight winning seasons. A lot of things went right for the Buccaneers last year, but there's no way they'll have the same luck this year. Hopefully the Rays' incredible season will be enough for the residents of middle Florida.

NFC West:

Arizona Cardinals. Anquan Boldin isn't happy, and we all know that nothing kills an NFL team quicker than an unhappy wide receiver. We expect the Cardinals to surprise us every year, but it never happens. Losing is the Bidwill family's specialty.

San Francisco 49ers. They had the worst passing game in the NFL last year and think journeyman J.T. O'Sullivan will solve that problem? Sorry Niner fans, but the days of Eddie DeBartolo circumventing the salary cap are long gone.

Seattle Seahawks. They had Shaun Alexander and replaced him with...Julius Jones? Yeah, there's an upgrade. It's always a shame when a good offensive line goes to waste. The Seahawks have too many injuries and suspensions right now to think of contending this year. The city of Seattle needs something to be happy about after losing the Sonics, but this team won't be it.

St. Louis Rams. Marc Bulger is good when healthy, but that's virtually never these days. Trent Green is a solid backup, but the Rams have shown that they only make the Playoffs when he's on the bench or the injured list. Translation: The Rams are doomed.

To sum things up, Week 17 is the end of the line. When the Playoffs get here you're going to have to find someone new to root for. You'll begin to dread Sundays, because your team will find new ways to frustrate you each week. But hey, keep your head up. At least you'll be getting a good draft pick.