Too many times have I not said something and then wished later I had said it. I was wondering the other day what would happen if I just spoke my mind to athletes? I can guess...

Ricky Williams: "How's Mary Jane been lately?"-Not only would there be a lot of laughs in the press room, but I probably would either get thrown out by security or been given the "cold shoulder" by Ricky. So I guess I can't really say what he would respond, because he wouldn't say anything.

Barry Bonds: "Do you juice your kids, too?"-Not exactly the nicest question, but I have always been curious. I probably would have gotten an answer like this: "[deep sigh and glaring stare]...yes." Just kidding, he probably would have said something like "next question" or "go away."

Michael Vick: "Who would win in a fight-The Underdog or Scooby Doo?"-That one would take a lot of courage on my part, because I know somewhere in the room Marcus Vick is hiding with a shank or something.

Michelle Wie: "Are you not trying or something, or do you always play this bad?"-I don't think she would know how to respond to this question, because if she answered "yes, I do always play this bad" then that would anwer a lot of questions, but if she answers "no" then it would be back to the drawing board.

Roger Clemens: "Have you been going through mid-life crisis for, like, the past 8 years?"-I think he has gotten so out of the groove that he would actually laugh along. I think the only person not laughing would be Joe Torre, because he knows that he would ripped by the media the next day for "not sticking up for his players."

Tiger Woods: "So, Tigger, I saw you in that Roger Federer commercial. Pretty sweet, dude. Oh, my bad, Tiger"-I have always just wanted to mispronounce his name. Tiger, as humble as he is, would probably just laugh along, too.

Roger Federer: "Do you get up in the morning and piss excellence?"-I had to incorporate something from Talledega Nights somewhere on here. I don't think Roger would understand what I am saying though, and then say something about either Bjorn Borg, Rafael Nadal, or Bud Collins.

George Steinbrenner: "So, you and Joe Torre are an item, now? Niiice..."-I think deep inside we have all wanted to say this. It would definetely explain why Joe is still working.

It's okay, guys, you'll get through this

There you have it, the things I really want to say to proffesional athletes.