Ah, it's a nice day in Philadelphia. The wind is blowing, the birds are chirping, and suddenly there is a deafening sound of boos coming from Citizens Bank Park. Oh, but never mind that- some dude with a bat just hit his 713th home run of his career.

When the name Babe Ruth comes up, people think "the greatest baseball player to ever live." Similarly, when the name Hank Aaron comes up, people think "the greatest baseball player to ever live." But, when the name Barry Bonds comes up, people think "that's the guy that everybody was insulting at the game last night," and "if he breaks the Babe's record, I'm gonna drive down to BALCO and turn into the greatest baseball player to ever live."

Can anyone guess the difference? Well, for one thing, after Hank Aaron broke Babe's record, he was praised all around the country (even though he was black, and prejudism was as hot as Angelina Jolie). Also, neither Babe or Hammerin' Hank were associated at all with performance inhancing drugs.

People can make the argument that pitching wasn't as good back in the day; but when push comes to shove, 714 is a really big number. And, Barry Bonds is a big boy. But, did he look as big as he does now in Pittsburgh? I think not. Being a teenager, I know you don't go through puberty in your 20s unless you're name is Andy Milonakis. And quite frankly: this guy doesn't look like Andy Milonakis. He might be dumb enough, but no cigar.

If I asked anyone in my school whether or not Bonds disserved 713, not only would people say no, but they would probably start laughing hysterrically. Barry- here's some career advice: retire now before you hit no. 714. At least then you will graduate from as much respect as a toilet seat, to as much respect as a doorknob.

Why don't other steroid users get as hated as Bonds does? Obviously because Bonds is a far better juicer than Rafael Palmeiro or Jason Giambi. It sure does take a lot of energy to inject a syringe into your bicep every night. In fact, I think it would be better for his family to retire. On Bonds on Bonds, he states that it he recieves death threats by phone and email warning him to retire. If it is truly that hard, do your family and the baseball world a favor in retiring.

Because 713 is a really big number, too.

Juicy, in fact.