Because of the seemingly endless controversy seen recently on several blogs, it was decided to get some of the key participants together for a round of golf, in hopes that their differences could be settled peacefully, and the brewing feud put to rest . 

Morgan Freeman:  Fellahs, I've been asked by FoxSports to mediate this event.  The format will be Best Ball, Mr. Fly and Mr. LSU vs Mr. Ultra and Mr. North.

LSU:  Wow, Morgan Freeman.

Ultra:  Who is Morgan Freeman?

Fly:  D!ck

North:  Golf is merely a modern form of sport practiced for centuries by  men who saw the need to extend their agressive mysoginist proclivities by imposing their fixation on balls and clubs, and trying to get it in the hole.

LSU:  I need a beer.

MF:  Gentlemen, you will find refreshments in the cooler.  Mr. North, I'm sorry but due to your age and legal constraints, we are not allowed to serve you alcoholic beverages.

North:                                                      ...due to your age...

Once again when you can't refute my arguments for the origin of the game, you turn it into a personal attack by questioning my maturity.  You're the one who is immature.

LSU:  I need another beer.

MF:  Guys, guys, guys.  We're here to try to resolve differences by finding common ground in a gentleman's game.  Mr. Ultra, you have the opening honors.

Fly:  Good grief, the guy brought a laptop, but no clubs.  Have you ever golfed before Ultra?

Ultra:  I thought we were going to be playing on X-Box. 

North:                       ...I thought we were going to be playing on X-box...

Here, Ultra you may borrow my driver.  The largest club in the bag is, of course symbolic of power being associated with penis size.

Fly:  LSU, bring me a cold one while your over there.

(The sound of a loud shotgun blast)

LSU:  I just saved that little squirrel from a life of starvation and disease.  They got any 'gators on this course?

Ultra:  Now I need a beer.

Fly: D!ck

MF:  Mr. North, you're up.

(North puts down his book  "How to Play Golf".  He bought it at the club house 15 minutes ago.  He steps to the tee and hits a powerful controlled draw 280 yards, to the left side of the fairway of course.  Returns to his reading.)

Fly:  Nice shot kid.

North:                                                            ...nice shot kid...

Another poorly disguised attack on my age.  NARCO PRESBY BALANO.

Fly:  Huh?

LSU:  Just delete him.

(The players finally approach the green.)

Fly:  If I can sink this putt, it's par.  I'll take a par on the first hole anytime.

(Fly's putt lips out for a tap-in bogey.  Ultra lost six balls before reaching the women's tees and has since given up. He is in the cart typing furiously as he writes his blog, text messages friends and responds on other peoples blogs, all simultaneously. LSU is in the woods relieving himself.  North has followed his drive with a six-iron stiff to two feet.  He looks confused as he lines up the putt, hesitating several times and finally putting the ball18 feet by the hole and off the green.  It seems he has not read the chapter on putting yet.  He immediately chips in to save par, having studied that portion of the book.)

Pig:  Nice shot ki..    I mean North.

LSU:  (Belch)  We got any beers left?  (Whispering to Flying) You know Flying, we should probably be nice to North, We'll probably all be working for him someday.

Ultra:  (Overhearing)  I would like to work for North someday when I get a job.

Flying:  D!ck

MF:  Gentlemen, I'm not sure we're making much progress here, so we're cancelling the remainder of the round.  My advice is that we all put this political debate behind us and move on to the amazing world of sports.

(LSU, Fly, Ultra and North reluctantly nod their heads in agreement.)

LSU:  Who's that clown running up the fairway?

Fly:  I don't know, he's been following us the whole way.

Hogfan:  (Carrying his own clubs, puffing and out of breath)  Is it too late for me to get in the game?