Why, oh why, wouldn't anyone else write this story up? You just had to leave it for old Hanahan didn't you? The story has it all, hot athletic women, drugs, courtroom drama. So I'll lay it out for you.

Tammy Thomas, a former elite cyclist, is on trial for perjury and obstruction of justice charges. The trial is in San Francisco, and yes that means Barry Bonds' favorite supplement supplier, BALCO, was involved. Thomas was suspended from cycling for life in 2002 by the USADA.

Tommy, er Tammy Thomas

So far the trial has revealed some creep you out moments during testimony. Thomas McVay testified that in 2002 he went to, 2001 silver winner, Thomas' home to collect a urine sample. He is quoted as saying in court, "It appeared she had shaving cream on the left side of her face." Facial hair is a side effect of steroid use among women. Ewwww.

WARNING THE FOLLOWING PICTURE IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART.

Carnivale is back on HBO?

Witnesses have also claimed that Thomas had hair on her chest and male-pattern baldness when she was taking anabolic androgen. Mc Vay also testified that, "She looks a lot different now than she did before. She was a lot larger, maybe 50, 60 pounds heavier than she is right now." The only thing I want to know about this sorid mess is, how in the hell did that McVay dude get a job going to she-beast's homes and collecting urine samples from them. Did they tell him it would be Jennie Finch and Amanda Beard and then pull the old switcheroo?

Who wants to go to the gun show?