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As I watched some of the highlights of Sunday's just-completed Daytona 500, I couldn't help but wonder how the editors of the race footage determined just what, exactly, constitutes a highlight. Clearly the winner crossing the finish line to a wildly waving checkered flag is a highlight, even to a racing boob like myself. Other than that, how can you tell?
Even the controversy surrounding winner Jimmie Johnson doesn't lend itself to great television. Apparently some of the other drivers felt his team cheated by racing an illegally altered car. I can see it now. "Let's go to the videotape Jimmy-Ray. There's the technician tightening the plugs...wait...what's the torque on that wrench? Can you see it? Check the slo-mo..." Riveting.
I guess part of the problem is that most of the terminology is so foreign to me it sounds incomprehensible most of the time. I couldn't tell a Greg Biffle from an exhaust baffle. Talk about home plate and I'm with you, I understand baseball. Talk about restrictor plates and you might as well be talking about Greg Biffle.
Maybe it's just that I haven't been provided the proper historical background. Other sports have had high-profile supporters. For example, President Kennedy famously played touch football on the White House lawn. Eisenhower was an avid golfer. George Bush was part owner of the Texas Rangers and has hosted whiffle ball games on the White House lawn. Even Bill Clinton was a jogger when he wasn't playing hide Air Force One with a White House intern. Where's my role model for stock-car racing?
I don't in any way mean to denigrate what these drivers do. When I was a kid I once got my parents' Mustang up to 95 mph on Route 2 in Massachusetts and I about crapped my pants. NASCAR drivers probably go 95 before they start paying attention.
Also, how can I not love a sport where the winner gets drenched in champagne while being kissed by Miss Chattahoochee? The sun's shining down, the winner is holding his trophy, manically changing caps while he is being interviewed, so all his sponsors get camera time. This is free enterprise, NASCAR style.
Speaking of sponsors, one of the things I don't get is all the ads on the cars. In-game advertising seems to be getting more and more commonplace in all sports, so maybe this is a case of racing being ahead of the curve. But some of those sponsors just seem a little out of place. Does the guy in the Viagra car have to drive immediately to the hospital if his race lasts longer than four hours?
Maybe all I need is to watch a whole race and I'll be captivated, just as more and more people seem to be. In the mean time, I just can't stop wondering about something. If Danica Patrick were to switch to stock cars, would race organizers keep a couple of Fabio types around, just in case she made it to the winner's circle?