Like a grizzly bear slowly awakening from hibernation, the real George Steinbrenner is once again beginning to surface. After years of apparent relative normalcy, The Boss has resumed his reign of terror, or at least humor, in the Bronx. When I read that Steinbrenner was overseeing the Yankees workouts personally, spending every day in camp with the pitchers and catchers, it occurred to me that we were seeing a reprise of an old classic, kind of like the "Dukes of Hazzard" movie, only without anybody playing Daisy Duke.

My suspicions were confirmed when, prior to the first day of workouts with the position players, Steinbrenner held a full team meeting to inform the players that he had decided the Yankees were going to win the World Series this year. The obvious question for Yankee fans must be, "Why didn't he decide this five years ago?"

As a lifelong Red Sox fan, nothing gives me greater pleasure than to see the fearless leader putting unneccessary pressure on his team and inflaming already-high expectations for it's performance. So, to ensure everyone is up-to-date with the goings-on in the enemy camp, I've concocted a short pop quiz. Remember, there is no such thing as a stupid question, unless you're a reporter talking to Bill Parcells in a press conference, so here goes.



1 - Why is everyone so afraid of George Steinbrenner?

A) He has more money than most developing nations.
B) He is crazier than the tinhorn dictators of most developing nations.
C) You're afraid he may possess weapons of mass destruction.


2 - What is the TV character Steinbrenner most resembles?

A) Donald Trump.
B) Denny Crane, in his mad cow moments.
C) That guy from the old series, "Soap," who used to think he could make himself invisible.


3 - Describe Yankee GM Brian Cashman's reaction when Steinbrenner guaranteed the Yankees would win the World Series this year:

A) Did he stop taking his meds again?
B) Crap, I can't believe I just signed a contract extension to stay here.
C) Where can I get some of George's meds?


4 - What was Steinbrenner's most inspired choice as Yankee manager?

A) Billy Martin, 1975
B) Billy Martin, 1979
C) Billy Martin, 1983
D) Billy Martin, 1985
E) Billy Martin, 1988


5 - What was your reaction when you heard that Alex Rodriguez had signed a ten-year, $252 million contract with Texas in 2001?

A) I wish I hadn't given up sports after that humiliating season in T-Ball.
B) He could buy his own developing nation.
C) I bet this sucker will end up with the Yankees.


6 - What was George Steinbrenner's greatest managerial firing?

A) Billy Martin, 1978
B) Billy Martin, 1979
C) Billy Martin, 1983
D) Billy Martin, 1985
D) Billy Martin, 1988


7 - How long will it take before Steinbrenner threatens to fire or trade someone?

A) One week into the season.
B) Opening Day.
C) Midway through the World Baseball Classic.


Clearly, there are no right or wrong answers to this little quiz, so don't worry if you're not sure which choices are correct. Also, expect more quizzes in the future, since it seems George is just getting started. Enjoy the 2006 season, everybody!