"....That's it for the weather, and now with Bizarro World Sports, here's our bizarro sportsguy, Biff Jockstrap."

"Thanks Barbie. Tensions ran high Saturday during the spring training game between the Boston Red Sox and the Pittsburgh Pirates in Bradenton, Florida. The importance of this game was illustrated by Pittsburgh's Chris Duffy, who ignited a Pirates rally by leaning into a Curt Schilling pitch with his head.

In his post-game remarks, Boston's Schilling said what everyone who saw the incident was thinking at the time: Duffy didn't try to get out of the way! A ninety-plus mile per hour fastball buzzing just inches from his eyes was nothing to Duffy, who stood his ground and gladly accepted the resulting concussion as the price of jump-starting the offense in this all-important Grapefruit League game.


In other Bizarro World Sports news:



----------The NBA has agreed to review the Latrell Sprewell-P.J. Carlesimo incident from several years ago. Sprewell believes, and the facts now seem to support him in this, that it was a clear act of aggression on Carlesimo's part not to remove his throat from between Sprewell's hands.





-----------Hunters everywhere have banded together in condemning Texas lawyer Harry Whittington for thoughtlessly jumping in the way of Vice-President Dick Cheney's shotgun blast. Cheney, for his part, is mostly taking the high road, stating he shouldn't have used a real hunting situation to try out his new curved gunbarrel.




----------Police have established a special task-force to re-interview every chair ever thrown or kicked by former Indiana and current Texas Tech basketball coach Bobby Knight to determine whether there was a conspiracy afoot to make the coach look ridiculous. Due to the large number of witnesses to interview, this investigation is expected to be ongoing for several years. Decades, maybe.







----------In an obvious case of gamesmanship designed to ruin U.S. Olympic skier Bode Miller's medal quest, Turin bar owners refused to shut their establishments down for the nearly three week Olympic Games.






----------Ditto the case of figure skater Johnny Weir - Buses actually ran on time, thus ensuring he would have absolutely no chance of getting to the skating venue at a reasonable time for the finals of the men's competition.


That's all the Bizarro World sports news we have time for tonight, Barbie. Now back to you....nice sweater, by the way."