FADE IN, to an opulently furnished office dominated by a large Victorian desk, polished to a shine. Sitting at the desk is the Commissioner, staring at the only object on the desk, a sheet of paper. The Commissioner is surrounded by his minions.

Minion #1: Sir, how long are you going to sit there staring at that piece of paper? You haven't moved from your large Victorian desk all day.

Commissioner: I know, I know, I've got a lot on my mind, that's all. This is a big job. Sometimes I think it's too big for just one man; I'm only human, after all. Um, say, do you know a ten-letter word for "disparaging or belittling?"

TELEPHONE ON MINION #1'S DESK RINGS.

Minion #1: What is it, Mabel? You know the Commisioner doesn't want to be disturbed....okay....okay....I'll tell him.

Minion#1 (To Commisioner): Mabel says it's King George on line 1. He says he knows you're here and wants to talk to you.

Commissioner: You talk to him for me. Tell him I'm in a meeting.

Minion #1: I can't, I'm busy working on those WBC press conference remarks you wanted.

Commissioner: Come on, just do this for me. Tell you what, I'll promote you. You can be my henchman.

Minion #1: Still busy.

Commissioner: Cripes, this job is nothing like what I expected. What's the point of having minions if I still have to do all my own work? I should have stayed in Milwaukee. I hate leaving there anyway, especially when I have to come to New York and talk with that big windbag. Oh, all right....

COMMISIONER SIGHS HEAVILY AND PICKS UP THE PHONE.

Commissioner: Hello George, you just caught me as I was going into a meeting, what can I do for you? What? My line was open and you heard all that? No, I can't just fire him, he's in the Minion's Union. Anyway, what's up?

COMMISSIONER LISTENS, GETTING ANGRIER AND ANGRIER.

Commissioner: Now you listen to me, you bully. That WBC thing was a great idea, and good for the game. You'll keep that sign down until I say otherwise. You work for me, you know....Oh yes, you do....You don't? I work for you? Why didn't anyone tell me this until now? Cripes.

MINION #1 LOOKS AT MINION#2 KNOWINGLY AND SHRUGS.

Commissioner: George, I'm putting you on speaker phone, all right? Now, what can I do for you besides the sign thing?

George: I understand you're having that reprobate Wells arrested, is that right?

Commissioner: That's right. He attacked me in front of witnesses and everything. He can't get away with this.

George: No, no, of course he can't. Listen, when you see him, give him a message from me. Tell him I know he still has that Babe Ruth game jersey he "borrowed" for the staff Halloween Party three years ago, and I want it back. Tell him it better not be stretched out of shape, either.

Commissioner: Okay, I'll tell him George. Hey, before you go, maybe you can help me with something I was working on. Do you know a ten-letter word for"disparaging or belittling?"

George: Jeez, that's an easy one. It's "derogatory."

Commissioner (Smacking himself on the forehead): Of course, it seems so obvious now. I kept getting stuck on "clueless."

FADE OUT TO COMMERCIAL.

FADE IN to Commissioner's office, where two NYPD officers stand in front of the large Victorian desk, watching as the Commissioner looks at photos spread out in front of him.

NYPD Officer #1: Can you identify the man who attacked you, sir? Try to pick him out of this photo lineup.

THE COMMISSIONER STARES AT THE PHOTOS ON THE LARGE VICTORIAN DESK.

Commissioner: Oh, I can pick him out. I'll never forget that face. (COMMISSIONER SHUDDERS) He's hurt me before, you know.

NYPD Officer #2: Where exactly did he hurt you?

Commissioner: He got me right where it hurts.

NYPD OFFICERS LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND WINCE.

Commissioner: That's right, he got me right in the heart.

NYPD Officers (In unison): Oh, the heart!

NERVOUS LAUGHTER THROUGHOUT THE ROOM.

NYPD Officer #1: What did he use for a weapon, Mr Commissioner?

Commissioner: His words. They hurt me deeply. They cut me.

NYPD Officer #2: His....words....(shaking his head) Man, I should have become an accountant like mom wanted.

Commissioner: I'm serious. He used big words like "clueless," and....uhhhh....what was that other one again?

Minion#2: Derogatory.

Commissioner: Thank you.

FADE TO BLACK.