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Super Star
Officials at the International Astronomical Union (IAU), in a surprise announcement Wednesday, said they are in the process of revising the definition of a planet. The end result of this revolutionary change is that our solar system, which for decades has consisted of nine planets, eventually may contain many hundreds more.
The new definition of a planet is as follows: "A planet is a celestial body that (a) has sufficient mass for its self-gravity to overcome rigid body forces so that it assumes a hydrostatic equilibrium (nearly round) shape, and (b) is in orbit around a star, and is neither a star nor a satellite of a planet."
Needless to say, this definition has scientists around the worl
d abuzz. Mike Brown, the Cal Tech researcher who under this definition will be credited with the discovery of the twelfth planet, said "It's flattering to be considered discoverer of the 12th planet." He applauded the committee's efforts but said the overall proposal is "a complete mess. For example," said Brown, "under this new definition, Notre Dame Coach Charlie Weis would be considered a planet."As much as I believe Coach Weis fits the qualifications to be considered a planet in his own right, until we can agree on a definition which would include USC Coach Pete Carroll as a planet also, then the entire enterprise is nothing but a total sham."
When pressed, Brown admitted that had he known his discovery of the celestial body known as "UB313" would eventually be responsible for a sea change in the world of astronomy, he would "just have kept it to myself. Even if it is eventually discovered that Coach Weis is orbited by one or more moons, something which has yet to be proven, that doesn't make him qualified to be considered his own planet."
The scientific community as a whole, which has difficulty agreeing on anything and, in fact, has never been able to reach agreement on what constitutes a planet, is sure to be arguing about this change for years to come. For his part, Notre Dame Coach Charlie Weis said only, "All I want is to win a National Championship. Unless being a planet helps me do that, I'm not interested."
Stay tuned for further updates on this breaking story.