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Psst, hey you. That's right, you! C'mere for a minute, will ya? You look like someone that can keep a secret, and I've just gotta tell somebody mine. I'm not supposed to say anything, and I'll get in big trouble if they find out I talked, so ya gotta promise not to spill the beans, okay?
Where's my manners? I'm so excited I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Barbaro, and unless you follow the sport of kings, you probably never heard of me until last weekend.
Well, friend, here's the thing. I'm set for life, and I'm just so excited about it that I could scream, or in this case winnie, or maybe neigh. I ran in the Kentucky Derby this past Saturday and I won the darn thing! I ran a pretty fast time, too. Didn't set any records or anything, but I broke two minutes for the first time since 2003 and, as I believe I may have mentioned before, I WON!
Now, winning a horse race doesn't seem like such a big deal to me; after all, that's what I was bred to do, and it's what I've been training for since I was knee-high to an elephant. If you ask me, my ancestors were the ones that had to do some real work. Pulling plows in the field and carrying full-grown humans before they had cars, that sounds a lot more like work than what I do, but winning that race seems to mean a lot to people, so am I going to complain? Heck, no.
Anyway, here's the scuttlebutt around the paddock. By winning that race, by running really hard for a couple of minutes and being just a little faster than all the other three-year-olds entered, I'm some kind of celebrity! Unbelievable, I know, but it gets even better. That Kentucky Derby was the first leg of what they call the Triple Crown, and if I can win the Preakness in a couple of weeks and then the Belmont Stakes after that, I'll be about as close to immortal as any one horse can get.
Again, I don't really see why people are so excited about me maybe winning three races, especially since that's what I'm supposed to do, but I'm told that Triple Crown thing hasn't been won since 1978. In the years since Affirmed won all three races, nine horses have won the first two but weren't able to seal the deal by winning the Belmont.
All that stuff is for the humans to worry about anyway. As far as I'm concerned, and the reason why I called you over here, life just got a lot sweeter for me. I've already noticed the other horses looking at me out of the corner of their eyes, I think they might be just a little jealous. As a Derby winner, when I retire from racing, do you know what happens to me? I get put out to something called "stud."
I liked the sound of that even before one of my buddies explained what it was to me. Apparently, since I ran fast one Saturday, I will get to hook up with lots of different lady horses until the day I die! I don't know who came up with that idea, but I gotta tell ya, it sure works for me! I'd better be careful, I might die from excitement just thinking about it.
Now you see why I just had to tell someone. None of my horse buddies wants to share in my good fortune, they're all too jealous. Oh yeah, and it gets even better! Not only do I get to play house with hundreds of lady horses, I never have to worry about being shipped off to the dog food factory either. By winning that race, I became a lot more valuable to the humans who own me.
So there's my story. Thanks for listening, I just had to share it with someone. But please, I can't stress this enough, just keep it to yourself, okay? And on May 20, when I run in the Preakness, spare a thought for me, would ya?