With the news that Santhi Soudarajan will be stripped of the silver medal he or she won in the women's 800 meter race in this month's Asian games, other sports are taking a closer look at the alleged gender of competitors.

Santhi Soudarajan:  A real tomboy.

"It is our policy to separate the boys from the girls, but I have never liked the whole 'drop-your-pants-and-show-me-what-you-got' system," said NCAA president Myles Brand.  "It's disgusting."

So the International Olympic Committee has developed a helpful questionnaire to assist coaches in separating the bulls from the heifers on the first day of practice.  Sample questions from the North American version of the test include the following:

1.  You are forced to miss your child's hockey game because of a business meeting.  Your cell phone goes off in the meeting and you see that it is your spouse calling.  Your first question when you answer is:

(a)  Is everything all right?

(b)  What's the score?

"Drop the puck!"

2.  The slipcover on your den couch is starting to fray.  Your reaction is:

(a)  Chintz!

(b)  It looks okay to me.

"I wouldn't feel comfortable farting on something like that."

3.  For a Super Bowl party, your menu includes:

Artichoke dip:  Bleeh.

(a)  Artichoke dip and brie melted over Granny Smith green apples.

(b)  Beer, Doritos, honey-roasted peanuts, beer and taco chips.

4.  Your fondest memory of your sister/sister-in-law's wedding day in 1993 is:

(a)  The fun you had with the other bridesmaids!

Bridesmaids.

(b)  BC beats Notre Dame, 41-39!

No longer bridesmaids.

5.  The date is October 27, 2004.  Your two sons have important exams in school the next day.  The Boston Red Sox are on the brink of winning their first World Series in 86 years.  You tell the kids:

(a)  Go to bed--you need a good night's rest.

(b)  Professional educators believe that a child's academic progress should be supplemented whenever possible by family discussions of current events and their historical significance. 

If you answered (b) to four or more questions, you are ineligible to participate in the women's 800 meter event.

Copyright 2006, Con Chapman