ORLANDO, Florida.  Federal regulators were on hand for last night's game between the Boston Celtics and the Orlando Magic amid concerns that a poor shooting night for sophomore forward Glen "Big Baby" Davis could trigger the final shockwave in the financial crisis that his gripped the nation since September.

In a playful mood

"At 289 pounds, Big Baby has simply become too big to fail," said Edward Salloway of the Florida regional office of the Comptroller of the Currency as he drank a Bud Light beer.  "He's one of those institutions like Bank of America or Citicorp that could bring down the nation's financial system, or a shooting guard who tried to take a charge from him."

Most Largest Player . . .

Davis was voted the Most Largest Player in last year's championship series against the Lakers, and is already drawing comparisons to former NBA great Charles Barkley in terms of rebounding, post-up skills and gross food imports.  "Glen is still getting acclimated to big-league eating," said Sean Clifford, a waiter at Charley's on Boyston Street in Boston.  "He paces himself, eating the left side of the menu for dinner, then ordering the right side to take home for a snack later." 

 . . . and yet so delicate.

In the event of a federal takeover, deposits in Davis would be insured by the FDIC and he would in effect become property of all U.S.  taxpayers, regardless of their interest in basketball.  "It's a waste of taxpayer's money," said Marjory Merget, a waitress at Boston's Durgin Park restaurant, which is known for its rude help.  "Why can't they take over somebody cute, like Justin Timberlake."