Last week, prompted by a news story and youth hockey tryouts, I posted about the behaviors of some parents during their children's athletic careers.

Astute bloggers who read the post followed up with some of their stories on the subject. Others mentioned crazed coaches (which made me cringe) and some of the things they do. Reading some of your responses just reiterated to me that this is a crazy world in which we live. And youth sports is crazier than most. Partially because of crazed coaches or crazed parents or crazed administrators. It is also crazy because of the old saying that, "the squeeky wheel gets the grease." That means that the stories we hear the most about are about the crazy people who make it a crazy world. Give me the other side!

Ah, the other side! It is quieter over here.

No one is screaming at me. No one is saying anything to me that I don't, or wouldn't, want my children to hear. No one is threatening me with physical harm or a lawsuit. No one is telling me that their kid is the next Mario Lemieux or Vince Young, while they are in the freakin' 7th grade! It is peaceful here. It is peaceful but it is not without its stress levels either. You see, in a world where there is no complaining there can also breed silent concern. These parent's do not care any less about the success of their children than the crazy S.O.B. that elbows his wife in the mouth. They just carry it differently.

The first 3 days we do tryouts we scrimmage.

No skating drills. No shooting drills other than a goalie warmup. No cones and no tires and no Russian circles or peanut drills. Nope! We warm 'em up and let 'em play. They play for 3 days and then we split them into Varsity and J.V. The following day we break them into groups and begin practices. That night we have a parent meeting and we cover everything. Primarily, your child may be on J.V. now but may not stay there. And don't get all giggly because your child is on Varsity because that may not last either. Playing time and position are based on skill and work ethic, most importantly, work ethic. And that is determined by their kids. After this meeting we practice again the following day.

 A few years ago we then left on Friday night for a trip out of town for scrimmages.

We include these scrimmages as part of our tryout process. This particular year we had three kids who had a lot of skill but were very young. They still had Bantam eligibility. Anyway, we took them up north with us and played them in all of the varsity scrimmages. After the last scrimmage we took the kids to eat and then settled down for the long (4 hour) bus (coach not school) ride home.  For 4 hours the coaches sat in the front of the bus and discussed the play of these three young men. We expected to take two of them and the third would go back to Bantams because of his size. Well, wouldn't you know it, the easiest part of the conversation was deciding to send the other two back to Bantams. For 4 hours we deliberated the pros and cons of keeping the smallest player (and youngest) of the group. What was right for him and his development? What was right for our program? Would he fit in surrounded by upper classmen? But he earned it. He played against a couple of the strongest teams in the state in those scrimmages. He played like a senior (only a freshman). He made the right decisions with the puck. He used his body smart to separate opposing players from the puck. He carried trhe puck at the right times and moved it at the right times. He was our best defenseman.  When we got home we called the three of them back into the coaches office and told the two that it would be in their best interest to go back to Bantams and play all the time. Play on the PP and kill penalties. When we told the smallest one we wanted to keep him the grin on his face made the Joker's smile look like a smirkish grin.

We told him to discuss it with his parents and let us know on Monday when he came in for practice.

 He said his parent's were happy for him and were proud of him. There were certainly growing pains for him. He worked very hard and was a vital part of a state tournament team. But with that, there were times when he sat and learned by observing. He made plenty of mistakes but with guidance and patience he got better. He improved tremendously. And his parents? Freakin' awesome! We talked to them a few days after we took him so that they could voice their concerns. They told us he loved the game and he loved us as a staff. They just didn't want us to fill his head full of false hopes. If he could play and he was that good then it would take care of itself. Well, that and hard work which they weren't concerned about. They jumped into the high school hockey experience with unmatched enthusiasm. Dad became our "Blueline Club" President for all 4 years his son played varsity hockey. I never, ever heard that their son should be doing this or doing that. I never, ever heard about how many D1 schools were looking at him. I never, ever heard any negative comments from them in the entire time he played here. We recommended him for high school summer leagues and programs and he went. He made friends outside of the high school group. And his parents encouraged him and us at every turn. He was never the greatest this or the greatest that. He was simply their son and they put a part of his future in his hands, to be guided by his coaches, to take him wherever it may. All they wanted was to make sure no one ever led him down a rosy path full of false hope. If he got it, he would earn it. And for the record, he did. He is currently playing Junior hockey at the request of a D1 program in MN that has a full scholarship waiting for him in a year. He is going to get 4 years of his education paid for to play the game he loves. Largely because he loves it. Largely because the family trusted us to do our job. And largely because his parents wanted to make sure he earned it and didn't second guess everyone or every decision that was made along the way. His dad still tells me that the smile he had on his face and the excitement he showed that night when we labored 4 hours over our decision is something he, the dad, will never, ever forget.

These are the kinds of parents that should be getting the "grease." 

These are the kinds of parents that should be written about and not just in a fox blog. For every nightmare story we live through, or we read or see on television, there are parents like these who will never be known. There are parents out there who enjoy going to an athletic event to watch it and not become part of it. There are parents out there who are level headed and who are not over-reactionary (did I just make that up?) and don't make bad situations worse.

• I dove out of the net one night to cover the puck before the opposing forward could get to it. He jumped over me and when he did the toe of his skate caught me right behind my right ear just where the head protector didn't cover. I got knocked out for a few minutes. My mom and my grandmother were going nuts in the stands while my dad sat quietly on his hands observing what was going on. My grandmother yelled at him, "aren't you going to do something?" My dad responded with, "I didn't tell him to play this silly game and if he is really hurt they will get me and I'll deal with it then." 
• I had a goalie once who was virtually guaranteed a spot in the Olympic Development Program sponsored by USA Hockey. He talked to his dad who left the decision to his son. His son responded to the Program with a thank you for the offer but he wanted to stay in high school and play hockey with his buddies. Besides, hockey wasn't really his game, baseball was. His dad told me they talked about that and other things but he left the decision to his son because it had more of an effect on his son than it did on him. He would drive 6 blocks to watch his son play or he would fly to watch his son play. He was there to discuss it with his son but felt it wasn't his decision to make. I can tell you that he was glad his son stayed. The 6 block drive was more cost effective than the flight plans.
• Dad was a D1 hockey player who has a son and a daughter. Both were very successful in their high school careers. She currently plays for the Women's Wisconsin Badgers. The son never really hit the weight room or the off ice conditioning very hard. He was always thin and always skilled but he never really worked hard. Dad used to tell us what we should do on our PP or who we should have killing penalties. Dad used to tell us this kid should skate with that kid or this one with that one. He never said a word when we moved his kid to defense from forward because he had great vision and hands and helped us get out of our zone better than we had before. He never said a word when his son missed a shift or two because he was running his own program out there for a shift or two. He didn't complain to us when his son went to play college hockey in a D3 program, not D1. His comment, "Hell, anyone that works as hard as he does should play D3." Hey, he loves his son. But, he also knows his son.

And I think that is a lot of the difference in the crazy parent and the calmer parent.

The calmer parent knows their children. They have allowed them to grow up in an athletic environment that has nurtured the natural skills and abilities of their children. They never force fed one of their children on a group  or on an individual. They know what their kids are, be it talented or having a great work ethic. They have enough confidence in their children that they can be there to guide and encourage but know that their children are capable of making the right decisions. And in that regard they are confident in themselves and who they are. They do not have to live vicariously through their children. And it makes it a lot quieter on this side of the room.

And that's the bottom line...

Go SOONERS!