Hi I'm Bud Selig, you might remember me from such great summer classic movies like Barry Bonds Bikini Blowout, or Roger Clemens Endless Steroid but today I'm talking to you eye to eye, man to man, about a grave injustice, the kind of injustice that makes a fake Indian shed a tear in a public service announcement about littering...As if the Indians never littered. 

But I digress, today I have to tell you the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, or at least as much of the truth that the law of averages allows to spill out of my lemon sucking visage.

Lately a lot of stories in the media have focused on a list from 2003 that purportedly names 104 players who tested positive for steroids.  Well that list is a lie!

Only 96 players tested positive and from what I understand about

Bud Selig welcomed the Steroid Class of 2009, with all his usual enthusiasm, so while crickets continue to chirp at the office of the commissioner, let's take a look at America's favorite pasttime, figuring out who are the real bums of baseball.  We have more suspects than an Agatha Christie novel and no matter how many times Bud Selig polishes the ol' baseball apple, worms just keep popping out.

The exact moment needles, filled with illegal performance enhancing drugs, replaced Mom, Apple Pie & Ice Cream is in dispute though all evidence points to the late Eighties.  At first nobody seemed all that bothered a player like Lenny Dykstra added 45lbs. of muscle in an offseason, when his hardest workout consisted of lifting a six-pack. 

Then there was the whole home-run-fueled

Here's how I call the strike zone on MLB's GM's what say you?  

1.  Theo Epstein, Cream of the crop, top o' the heap, Beantown should worship him as a god...
   2.  Billy Beane, the McGuyver of GM's, Oakland is not worthy...
   3.  Ned Colletti, Turned the sad sack Dodgers back into a contender, where's the Ned-lywood section in the bleachers?
   4.  Andy MacPhail, Fix the Orioles?  The guy is Hercules with a pedigree.
   5.  Dayton Moore, KC will rise again and Dayton's gonna do it.
   6.  John Mozeliak, The Redbirds savior and he got rid of that clubhouse cancer, Scott Rolen.
   7.  Andrew Friedman, Turned the Rays around, let me repeat that.  He turned the Rays around.  Might