Bud Selig welcomed the Steroid Class of 2009, with all his usual enthusiasm, so while crickets continue to chirp at the office of the commissioner, let's take a look at America's favorite pasttime, figuring out who are the real bums of baseball.  We have more suspects than an Agatha Christie novel and no matter how many times Bud Selig polishes the ol' baseball apple, worms just keep popping out.

The exact moment needles, filled with illegal performance enhancing drugs, replaced Mom, Apple Pie & Ice Cream is in dispute though all evidence points to the late Eighties.  At first nobody seemed all that bothered a player like Lenny Dykstra added 45lbs. of muscle in an offseason, when his hardest workout consisted of lifting a six-pack. 

Then there was the whole home-run-fueled resurgance of baseball, after an unpopular strike, that filled the owner and player coffers to overflowing and brought a plague of stadiums extorted from taxpayers that makes greed too diminutive a word to use in this context.

The simple fact is the biggest part of the baseball equation got left behind in a choking, cloud of dust.  The fans.  The grand cathedrals, built on the back of their labor, housed the biggest frauds since Charles Ponzi got into finance. 

Then the most cherished, burnished and beloved records of giants who built the game of baseball, a birthright of all fans and inspiration to countless kids on sandlots for over a century, began to fall like dominos to players who previously didn't have a shot to get close let alone rocket by the records they were breaking.

And no matter how many of Bud Selig's horses or men try to duct tape this fraud, you can't put Humpty Steroid back together again.  The latest juicer caught with his hand in the steroid jar, David Ortiz, was quick to trot out what I like to call "The Magic Steroid Defense" wherein said juicer, using a less than brilliant strategy, tries to blame everything from milkshakes to global warming for causing his positive test.  To wit:

"Based on the way I have lived my life, I am surprised to learn I tested positive."

Surprised?  Really?  Think about it.  Everybody in a long chain is guilty of any player taking steroids.  First of all the guiltiest of them all is Bud Selig.  Get over yourself Bud, you knew, you knew all along, the owners know, because nobody but nobody injects their million dollar players with anything.  Not happening.  The team knows, that includes executives, GM's, managers, coaches, trainers, instructors, and bat boys.  Hey Bud, closing your eyes while trying to put out the five-alarm steroid fire with a Dixie cup of kerosene won't make you invisible, just stupid.

Running steroids out of baseball isn't just about health risks to players, it's about restoring the core value of the game to the only people who apparently still give a rat's ass about the game, Fans.  Greed is killing baseball.  The fractures, fissures and cracks across its foundation are growing while Bud fiddles like Nero.

This season it was Manny, Big Papi & a cast of 100.  All of whom should be reviled, by fans and players alike, for standing silent while they let guys like Bonds, McGuire, Sosa, Palmerio, and Clemens twist in the wind.  It's hypocrisy on a grand scale.  Big enough to make me want to puke every time they talk about any of these frauds fouling baseball's most hallowed ground, the field, let alone the Hall of Fame.

There is no middle ground Bud.  Remove the players, their records and rings from baseball.  Don't think reinstating Pete Rose will wash the stench from your steroid drenched hands and wallet.  The move is your's, the place is here, the time is now.

Here's how I call the strike zone on MLB's GM's what say you?  

1.  Theo Epstein, Cream of the crop, top o' the heap, Beantown should worship him as a god...
   2.  Billy Beane, the McGuyver of GM's, Oakland is not worthy...
   3.  Ned Colletti, Turned the sad sack Dodgers back into a contender, where's the Ned-lywood section in the bleachers?
   4.  Andy MacPhail, Fix the Orioles?  The guy is Hercules with a pedigree.
   5.  Dayton Moore, KC will rise again and Dayton's gonna do it.
   6.  John Mozeliak, The Redbirds savior and he got rid of that clubhouse cancer, Scott Rolen.
   7.  Andrew Friedman, Turned the Rays around, let me repeat that.  He turned the Rays around.  Might be able to raise the dead.
   8.  Jim Hendry, the Cubbies, gotta have a small rooting section in your heart for a team going through bankruptcy.
   9.  Frank Wren, the Tomahawks are back and Wren is flying high.
  10. Jack Zdurienck, Gotta love this nautically themed MLB franchise, gotta take off points for the Bedard thingy...
  11. Brian Sabean, the Giants have made some nice moves once they dumped Bloat Bonds.
  12. Dan O'Dowd, the Rockies making some noise, they've notched 54 wins and they're still 8-games out!
  13. Neal Huntington, has worked some nice trades, got the Bucs off their "Do not resuscitate" order.
  14. Mike Hill, how do the Marlins do it?  For a team that blows itself up every 3-years they sure have a lot of rings.
  15. Brian Cashman, Hate the Yankees all you want, just try working for a Steinbrenner and not committing murder.
  16. Josh Byrnes, The D-Backs have some of the pieces, Byrnes is one of them.
  17. Jon Daniels, Solid franchise and didn't get stuck with A-Roid's contract.
  18.  Dave Dombrowski, 1st place and even though Dontrelle Willis crashed and burned like the Hindenburg, I like that team.
  19.  Mike Rizzo, The fact that he hasn't blown his brains out fixing the Gnats says it all.
  20.  Bill Smith, a freaking miracle worker how do the Twins ever get to second place?
  21.  Kenny Williams, Sox are in the hunt and that's what a GM makes happen.
  22.  Doug Melvin, the Brew Crew sinking like a stone this season, where's cuzzifer when we need him?
  23.  Ruben Amaro Jr. Stole the job from Mike Arbuckle, everything that's wrong with the Phillies for the last twenty-five years.
  24.  Mark Shapiro, gets points for pulling a fast one on Rube & the Phillies, loses points for building a cellar dweller of a team
  25.  Tony Reagins, Yeah I know, 60-wins, 1st place, I just don't like the Angels.
  26.  J.P. Ricciardi, Halladay isn't worth the price JP is asking, wait'll next year when he gets dreck for Roy cause he's gone baby gone.
  27.  Walt Jocketty, the Reds have a GM?  I did not know that...
  28.  Kevin Towers, has damned the Padres to baseball hell. 
  29.  Omar Minaya, A flat out bust, should think about changing careers.  The Mets will never win with him and certainly won't miss him.
  30.  Ed Wade,  Worst GM ever.  Wouldn't let him run a 7/11.  A real boat anchor.  Makes Minaya look like Theo Epstein.

Class A right-hander Jason Knapp, Class AAA right-hander Carlos Carrasco, shortstop Jason Donald and catcher Lou Marson for Cliff Lee?  Are you @#$!%^^& kidding me?  

How many freaking lefties do they need in the rotation, and when Pedro is called up you're going to send Happ or Moyer to the bullpen?  How about send Pedro instead.  

What a shortsighted astronomically stupid trade.  Worst trade ever.

Now we have to live with the catcrappiest trade since Von Hayes...

4 of your top 10 prospects?

Amaro is an Ed Wade class dolt.

Ask yourself this question would Mike Arbuckle make this trade?

Here at the Fowl Line I try to take a whimsical approach to the right conclusion, I guess I could have talked about RISP's and other such statistical boogery to support my conclusion that the A's and the Tigers are headed for the American League championship series.  I could've gone to a gypsy and paid her $50 to read tea leaves or bury my paycheck with a rooster's egg to tell me the same thing.  I could've just played both series on my Play Station and drawn the same conclusions. 

But I didn't.  Nope I just looked at the names on the A's and then on the Twins and realized the Twins had no shot.  Call it a hunch, intuition, a lucky rabbit's foot, whatever.  The simple fact is it was darn good sports reporting.  The meaty, beefy Dinty Moore kind that sticks to your ribs and makes your dog beg to lick the sharp can lid. 

Same thing with the Yankees.  They had no chance against the dollar store Tigers.  Oh sure the Yankees have the best lineup, the best pitching, best coach, but see I'm from Philadelphia and I know something you don't.  They have Bobby Abreu and he's a jinx, a moosh, he sucks the heart out of any team he's on.  The kind of player sabermites love because they don't actually watch his gutless tiptoeing in right field, or his worthless homeruns he only hits when the team is down by a hundred, nope, if there's one thing you can bet the ranch and dog on, it's Bobby Abreu will never get a WS ring.

So in the future when you need the kind of insightful sports blogging sadly bereft elsewhere on FoxBlogs (except all the blogs I have listed in my favorites and the usual gang who are nice enough to comment on my scribble), look no further than the Fowl Line.  If it's bloggable you'll find it hidden inside the creamy nougat of this blog...