Curt Schilling pulled the pin today ending his mouth's 23-year reign of stupidity in a baseball context. The man who made an art of crapping all over Philadelphia and its fans put the towel over his head one last time.   Like sour milk Curt finally pulled himself off the free agent shelf long after his freshness date expired.

Here now an appreciation of the 216-game winner and his place in baseball history.

"..."

That's about it.

Don't let the door of obscurity hit you too hard in the ass Curt, let's see who keeps reading your blog, which you can now officially re-title, "Where Am I Now?"

Ed Hardiman of Bristow VA had this to say,

"He was a low class piece of crap for toweling Mitch in '93 and until he man's up and apologizes he can shove his two WS rings where all Schilling's sound and thought emanates..."

Photo Courtesy of ESPN & Lisa Horne, Temple Owl West Coast Booster in Chief:

(AP)--Philadelphia, Cole Hamels' elbow held a quick press conference today to allay fears that he, the elbow, would in fact be ready for Opening Day. The elbow flanked by his agent Drew Rosenhaus and publicist denied reports that he was "busted up like a housewife on COPS."

"I admit I'm somewhat swollen but that's to be expected after spending the entire off season hoisting one toast after another." The slightly puffy joint attached to the $4.35-million dollar arm said.

In response to questions regarding particular body parts having their own agent the elbow replied, "Look without me, there is no arm, just two flesh-covered sticks with no particular usefulness to the sport of baseball." He went on to say, "Cole got his, now I'm going to get mine," and strongly implied if his contract demands aren't met by the Phillies he would demand to be transplanted to a contender in the American League.

Cole Hamels meanwhile refused comment though his publicist later released a statement that read in part, "That elbow is wack, I used to think it was the bottle talking that got me in trouble when I was in the minors, it turned out it was my elbow all along..."

I miss the good old days when Roberto Alomar's spit on an umpire's face wasn't the lethal weapon his ex-girlfriend is HIV-positive it is in her lawsuit...

Brett Farve retire?  Not in my lifetime.  No way.  No how.

Hey some guy just got 2-years probation and a $2K fine for impersonating Yankees pitcher Joba Chamberlain leading baseball fans to wonder what kind of sentence Chamberlain will get for impersonating a starting pitcher last year.

No Petty running at Daytona?  Hotfoot Lori scribbled it best...tain't that Petty at all...

Miguel Tejada lied to Congress?  I thought that was Roger Clemens schtick...

A ten-year old Sussex spaniel named Stump won the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show leading to speculation his 6-week stay at the BALCO Kennels in October may have played a role in his victory...

Meanwhile A-Roid's claim the reporter who exposed A-Roid, (for the lying sack of crap he is...), was stalking him, went up in a cloud of Michael Phelps bong smoke.  The police say A-Roid is lying about that too.  What next A-Roid?  UFO's kidnapped and probed you?

No word whether Barry Bonds will be working out with any team in spring training.  Word is he can't walk by an elk at the zoo without them snickering...

Finally, a personal note, whoever owned the Dodge Viper in the parking lot of the Golden Corral during the "All You Can Eat Salisbury Steak Thursday Night Buffet" maybe the next time you get out of your car and laugh at a 69 Ford Pinto they won't key your car...I don't have that kind of self control.

Competing in the Textathalon is possibly the most grueling sport in the world.  Every year you get one chance to make Lake Superior State University's Banished Word List. 

Make the list and streets are paved with gold, companies beat down your door for endorsements and you're the toast of the town.  Miss it and you're last year's dancing baby with a cigar on YouTube. 

I made it  in spectacular fashion in 2007 when I took on celebrity contractions like Benifer and Brangelina.  Fox News actually ran a scroll quoting the word lamethetic and it appeared on the AP wire, a star as they say, was born.

2007--COMBINED CELEBRITY NAMES -- "It's so annoying, idiotic and so lame and pathetic that it's 'lamethetic.'" -- Ed of Centreville, Virginia. 

In 2008 I pulled a participle in training and didn't make the list.  Sure I could have just written a tell all book or spent the rest of my days being a perfectly coiffed Mel Kiper of banned words list shows on ESPN but the competitive desire still burned deep inside me like the fires of hell that compel Pac Man Jones to commit felonies. 

2009 has seen a return to form for my dazzling wit that springs off a word like Rosie O'Donnell leaping for the last shrimp at an all you can eat buffet, I felt good about my selection especially since 2008 was what I considered at best a weak field. 

Along with placing in a field of 5000 nominations submitted for 2009,  I have been quoted and attributed in the Associated Press.  Which makes up for all the times they haven't quoted me over the last couple of decades.   How sweet it is...

Here's my locker room breakdown of this championship season:

I saw the word, the game slowed down and suddenly I was sitting on an eagle breaking for the goal line and that's when I decided to strike while the iron was hot.  I left my carbon footprint all over the word...what was I thinking as I swatted the touchdown in the left field bleachers?  Take that sabermetrics, put that in your Bill James and smoke it.  Then I did a few spinouts in the grass and climbed the fence...

2009--GREEN - "If I see one more corporation declare itself 'green,' I'm going to start burning tires in my backyard."  Ed Hardiman, Bristow, Va.

I know what you're thinking.  Can he threepeat, or even four, five or sixpeat?  Who knows, as I take my rightful place as the Lance Armstrong of annoying verbiage I realize I'm competing against myself. 

Now I know how Tiger feels every time he walks into the pro shop at his local chip and putt, it's not about winning or losing, it's really all about getting a hot Swedish babe for a wife.  I'll tell you one benefit from making the list twice, Sheryl Crowe might finally start returning my calls, even if they are collect...

I will not watch one second of Brett Favre deciding to stay, go, retire or burst into spontaneous combustion over whether or not he will/won't/maybe retire.

I will not call the Celtics the Boston Geritol's until I'm certain Kobe won't choke and let guys old enough to be his grandfather beat him like a redheaded stepchild in the NBA Finals.

I will try to be nicer to all the Cowboys fans who have to hide their Tony Romo jersey in the same trunk in the attic with their Leon Lett and Julius Jones jerseys.

I won't gloat that the Patriots can't make the playoffs without videotaping their opponents.

I will stop laughing at the BoSox for signing Brad Penny sometime in June when this year's Freddie Garcia goes on the DL for the rest of the season after racking up seven losses for $5 million dollars.

I will apologize to Joe Flacco for not turning into Joe Floppo in the seventh circle of quarterback hell, Baltimore.

I will root for Smoke Stewart to make driver/owners relevant in the bland Big Box NASCAR instead of watching the same two teams with fifty drivers competing for the Winston Cup.  Because Smoke and smokes go together like NASCAR and guys named Fireball.

I will sneer at the French when Lance Armstrong wins the Tour de Farce with one leg tied behind his back.

I will not demand my money back from my cable company for any Detroit Lions game broadcast during the 2009 season. 

I will not taunt Mets fans by calling them the Mats.

I will try not to snicker when the Redskins take another QB with their 1st round pick.

I will try and fail to spot the difference between Al Davis and Jerry Jones owned football teams.

I will accept the fact it is exceedingly unlikely the Eagles will win the Superbowl but I know there's no chance whatsoever the Sixers will make the Finals.

I will think positive thoughts about the Temple Owls playing in the BCS title game next year.