I've done some serious blamestorming and came up with various ways Roger Goodell can make Michael Vick tastier to NFL fans than a heaping serving of ALPO over rice.

Let Vick do the talk show circuit and play up the prison rape angle.  This finesse move really tested well with my focus group, a bunch of stray dogs, key talking points include a frank admission Vick never understood what dogs went through when he put them on a rape stand and of course a heartfelt shiver every time the host mentions "shower" would go a long way in selling this strategy.  While recounting his most unforgettable picking up the prison soap anecdotes on Conan, the cameras could lovingly pan the prison tats on his knuckles that say, Fido & Fluffy...

Delay publishing the forthcoming book Vick wrote in prison, "101 Quick 'n Easy Recipes for Barbecued Dog" while expected to be a best seller on Amazon.com's Vietnamese website this would push those mutts at PETA right over the edge.

Public service announcements are kind of weak.  I think Vick should pledge half his NFL salary to establishing Michael Vick's Mutt Huts.  Where homeless mutts could get a warm meal, a soft bed and all the smokes they wanted.  Nothing tugs at the heartstrings like a dog smoking a Camel or playing poker for that matter.

Vick could really clean up his mess by sending a dog to college.  But not just any college.  I think a poodle or a boxer getting a free ride to Harvard would show there's no hard feelings.  Nothing says I'm sorry like putting a rottweiler through Harvard Law.

Vick could assume a super hero persona, Super Pooper Scooper Dude.  When not avoiding the pocket like the plague on a football field, Vick could go around neighborhoods scooping poop.  "Look down on his knees, is it a squirrel?  A groundhog?  No!  It's Super Pooper Scooper Dude!"  Not only that fans will warm up faster than toast when little Johnny wears the SPSD outfit at Halloween.  Vick and poop are synonymous anyway why not leverage it?

Vick should tout his attendence at Pets Anonymous.  Who isn't sick of all those needy alcoholics and junkies grabbing all the twelve step glory?  Besides Vick's a natch, who else uses twelve steps to throw a pass like Vick anyway?

I know there's something repugnant about a prison con who killed dogs whenever he wasn't busy raping them and it would be easy to call Vick a stonefaced dog killa, but I won't stoop to that level. 

Vick has paid his debt to society, and while he still owes man's best friend a heck of a lot more, let's face it, money talks in the NFL or guys like Pac Man & Tank would have been washing cars a long time ago. 

Goodell doesn't have the one thing his league uses all the time, balls or he would simply banish Vick to never ever land.  The game don't need you Mike, neither do fans.  You got a fair shake and turned it uglier than marrying your teenage sister.  Go away and don't let the dog bite you in the ass...