OK so I twittered and while it's nice to have an outlet for the voices in my head, at least it gives them something better to do than argue about what show to watch on TV, it seems, like all great computer apps, to be a horrific, worthless, self-centered, naval-gazing waste of time.  Well done Twitter...

# EdHardiman  You know who'd make a good NASCAR driver? Liza Minelli. I bet she'd win a lot because the other drivers would stay out of her way...half a minute ago from web
    
# EdHardiman  sometimes, not always, a nod is as good as a wink...3 minutes ago from web
   
# EdHardiman  Why don't they use "an" in front of the word "eulogy" like the they give an crap anyway they're dead...3 minutes ago from web
   
# EdHardiman  In jars of peanut butter and jelly mixed together why not attach a knife to the lid the lazy bastards who buy it would probably like that...6 minutes ago from web
   
# EdHardiman  The other day I heard someone say "I laughed out loud" that's the only way you can laugh, otherwise you are merely amused...8 minutes ago from web
   
# EdHardiman  will twitter spawn an avalanche of words with the prefix tw?  10 minutes ago from web
   
# EdHardiman  mollusks sound a lot meaner than they actually are...about 23 hours ago from web
   
# EdHardiman  If we sent cows to Congress could it be any worse?  about 23 hours ago from web
   
#EdHardiman  I came up with a slogan for Pottsville, Pennsylvania, "Hey We're Not Just Public Restrooms Anymore!" Pretty snappy, huh?  about 23 hours ago from web
   
# EdHardiman  I'd like to go to the shore but it always makes me dizzy, sucking my gut in every time a girl walks by, all day long...about 23 hours ago from web
   
# EdHardiman  OK I admit it, I made that last fact up, dogs are not imploding from the heat..they might be elsewhere but I have no clear evidence of it...about 23 hours ago from web
   
# EdHardiman  It's so hot in VA right now dogs are imploding from the heat...about 23 hours ago from web
   
# EdHardiman  easy come, easy go, easy come back again...about 23 hours ago from web
   
# EdHardiman  What is the square root of infinity?  about 23 hours ago from web
   
# EdHardiman  LeBron now has as much chance of winning the NBA title this year as I do...sweet.11:03 PM May 31st from web
   
#EdHardiman  Why ten fingers and ten toes? Why not twelve fingers and eight toes?10:39 PM May 31st from web
   
# EdHardiman  At what point past the speed of light do you lose your shadow?10:37 PM May 31st from web
   
# EdHardiman  I've decided to give up using the word "foible" I wasn't using it much anyway...10:36 PM May 31st from web
   
# EdHardiman  I taught my dog a rudimentary vocabulary of about 40-words now he just keeps bugging me for another beer...7:38 PM May 31st from web
   
# EdHardiman  If you let a smile be your umbrella, you'll end up with a wet face...6:28 PM May 31st from web

 # EdHardiman  When all is lost just remember nobody got out of the Alamo alive...6:27 PM May 31st from web
   
# EdHardiman  It's not that I'm smarter than most people, it's that most people are dumber than me, it's a subtle but important difference...6:26 PM May 31st from web
   
# EdHardiman  I once had a dream...I traded it for a '69 Gremlin and a broken pocketwatch...6:25 PM May 31st from web
   
# EdHardiman  Getting my cape refitted. it ain't easy being a superhero, especially since they deep-sixed all the phone booths...6:24 PM May 31st from web
   
#EdHardiman  No matter how long it takes to fill up a 2-liter bottle never give the gift of saliva at a wedding...6:22 PM May 31st from web
   
# EdHardiman  Back to the drawing board, cross the DNA from a poodle with a grizzly and you end up with a fluffy looking thing that rips your face off...6:21 PM May 31st from web
   
# EdHardiman  Here's my solution to illegal aliens, put up "Welcome to Canada" signs along the Mexican border that should stop them dead in their tracks3:14 AM May 31st from web
   
# EdHardiman  In a Sonny & Cher world even Sonny wants to be Cher...3:12 AM May 31st from web
   
# EdHardiman  Will Twitter be replaced by a service that limits tweets to 70 words? Essentially that's how microwave ovens killed toaster ovens...11:27 PM May 30th from web
   
# EdHardiman  Take your own advice before you give it to others11:26 PM May 30th from web
   
# EdHardiman  Folding toast is much easier than it looks11:11 PM May 30th from web