Jeremy Mayfield says Claritin D tablets are responsible for his NASCAR suspension which isn't all that surprising considering the list of substances now banned by NASCAR.  A list leaked to the press yesterday shows NASCAR's serious about keeping the taint of performance enhancing drugs out of the sport. 

Charles "My Other Car is a Polo Horse" Belgium, NASCAR spokesperson, had this to say,

"While we welcome any sponsor to paint our cars like a $3-hooker we draw the line at our drivers actually going anywhere near our sponsors products, after all, does anybody really believe we'd let a driver who just chugged a bottle of 5-Hour Energy near the track on race day?" 

Here's a list of surprising products recently added to the NASCAR banned substance list.

Ex-Lax 
The drivers are already seated in the upright position suggested on the bottle's label for maximum effectiveness and getting out of the window of the car and the flame retardant jumpsuit might just be a zipper too far.

Milk
2%, Low-Fat, Skim, Organic, BHT, what the hell is it?  We aren't sure anymore but we do know it doesn't come that way straight from the cow.  If the milk industry continues to differentiate itself to the point of udder stupidity, include NASCAR out.  What's the other 98% in 2% milk?  Whatever it is we're banning it in NASCAR.

Viagra
Pretty much a no-brainer here, we want the both hands on the wheel for the entire five-hours of a race.  Besides, how many times do we have to explain to Viagra that while a race run in a long straight line would better fit their marketing profile, the round track is definitely here to stay?

Rogaine
Anything that grows armpit hair on your head can't be good for the sport.  Additionally all that extra wispy hair acts like a spoiler and changes the COT's downdraft.  Current testing includes counting the number of fans who point at your head and snicker.

Baked Beans
It turns out all those drivers catching on fire after a crash with that flame you couldn't see wasn't from the fuel but driver generated fumes from the baked bean breakfast buffet.  Besides, current state regulations prohibit fans from taking dogs inside the speedway so naturally we can't blame Fido for the stench wafting from the track during the race.

Wrigley's Spearmint Gum
Double your pleasure, double your fun makes no sense at all when you're already whizzing around a track at 200mph.  If that ain't fun enough you should consider a career as a human cannonball.  Besides Wrigley's a gateway gum.  Next thing you know we'd have Double Bubble race related fatalities.

Finally, we admit this particular video may have misled certain drivers this season, we apologize for the inconvenience and suspensions that might result from any misunderstanding that NASCAR thinks anything it advertises is in any way, shape or form appropriate to ingest, apply or use.