For all the grief that placekickers take in the NFL, most of it is unfounded and I know from personal experience. When I got out of college, I was an undersized, quick but not fast wide receiver who had half the bones in his body broken. Which of course made perfect sense that when the Dallas Cowboys held their open tryouts in Thousand Oaks back then I was going to the pros. (What was that they said about youth is wasted on the dumb?...or something like that.)

Now as stupid as you may think I was (and I was) I had a plan. For a whole summer I paid a kid to hold and another kid to shag the ball and my plan was I was gonna be a wide receiver/backup placekicker.

Try and stay with me here. This was in the days that the Dallas Kicker was a guy named Toni Frisch from Austria or somewhere and the soccer style kickers were still outnumbered by the straight on kickers. But I was no dummy. Since I had never been a kicker I figured it made no difference, I'd be a soccer style kicker. On my 17,467th atttempt I put a beauty through the local high school uprights and my two kids helping me died on the spot from heart attacks. From the extra point mark.  A month later I was banging them thru from 20-25 yards. That summer I played in what was called a "contact flag football 9 player" league and was the sensation of the league. Kicked a 52 yarder once. No problem for a natural. (and just to make sure the Cowboys couldn't overlook the value they were going to be getting, I played both wide receiver and cornerback on defense and made the all star team as a cornerback and placekicer... Go figure.

I walked onto the open tryouts at the Cowboy Camp at Thousand Oaks. I had my resume. UCLA receiver, placekicker and a fair country cornerback. Most these tryout guys were guys who came drunk and left in about 30 minutes when it became apparant they had their thigh pads in backwards or even their shoulder pads on backwards. Not me. I made it thru day one.

Boomed a 40 yarder in practice. Which brings me to my point boys and girls. I doubt many of you remember the names Chuck Howley,  Bob Lilly and so on. These guys were HUGE compared to the average college guy of my day and they were all pros. Of course they weren't practicing with us walkon scrubs. But they started showing up and watching and laughing. I met Bob Hayes who couldn't hold onto a ball if you begged him and was frigging intimidated at how buff this "little 5'10" guy.

Anyhow the fifth day I could barely walk I was so hurting. I mean you got hit by a pro and you knew you been hit.  Which of course would be the time to give me my big shot as a placekicker. Dallas was thinking like I thought they would so it seemed.  3 bench riders in one and just maybe they'd need me in a pinch if Frisch got hurt and a strategic nuclear bomb took out every single receiver and corner on their roster except me. . My first kick was from 28 yards if memory serves and let me tell you. They don't have to come thru the line. They just have to be there raising up and 99% of the people that ever lived are gonna see their lives flash before their eyes. That field goal snap, placement, kick takes place SO FAST anyone who says a kicker is not an athlete is insane.  I got the kick off. I forget who was the center that day. Good thing they had to take him to the hospital or he would have killed me. I drilled a line drive right into his nuts. Got cut that night.

The Laker/Kobe haters loved last season. They instantly declared Los Angeles the Clipper's town because the Clippers finished three wins better than the Lakers and went to the playoffs for the first time in 20 years.  But then it doesn't take much for the Haters to try and exploit any minute Laker weakness.

UPDATE:  After 2 meeting this season it's Lakers 2 Clippers 0. They Lakers are 6 games over .500 and in first place in the Division. Clippers are 1 game under .500 and in dead last in that same division.

We who live in Los Angeles knew you haters was going to be ordering Crow so we got you some  nice ripe road kill. One Monkey don't stop no show and one season don't take Laker fans from Purple and Gold to Red and White. Know whut I mean Vern?

Hate on Losers.

OK let's get you Gator and Wolverine fans back in line here for a rehash of the Whining!!!

MY BOYS FROM UCLA HAS BEATEN THE MIGHTY TROJANS 13-9!!!!!!

 

 

Maybe it's just me but there was something about a guy who's too lazy to even pull on a pair of sweats and do his sports couch potato act.that just don't seem right to me. Never did. I always had trouble listening to my father sharing his considerable knowledge of various sports while he scratched and belched and farted. Sidney Portier he was not. But he was was a fair man. When I announced I was a (in order for a pre 10 year old kid with no NBA team west of the Mississippi) that I was a Knick, then St Lous Hawks and then a Minneapolis Laker fan he immediately pinpointed my motivation. "All the guys at school you hate are Celtics fans aren't they?" Well yes they were as a matter of fact. And I was a fan of anyone who beat the Celtics on rare occasions. Some 50 years ago he taught me one of the many examples of what it takes to be a 'real man" as he called them in regards to sports teams vs sports stars. It wasn't rocket science but he was right. Even if you despise a team, thousands of players, most forgotten within a decade will pass thru any particula "big league sport" during your lifetime. A small percentage of those will be legendary hall of famers. "Hate the team, but appreciate and enjoy the superstar was the basic message. (and you rap vermin thought you invented "don't hate the player, hate the game". My pops was 40 years out in front of you.) I miss my dad. I miss the days when you had to give the devil is due. These are not good times for people like him and me. I remember sitting on my front porch with my best friend Chris Pilgrim argueing about who was better Maris or Mantle that year. (naturally I took Maris). We didn't say "so and so player SUCKS FUCK YOU". We studied the backs of sports cards, we studied magazines, watched games when we could. But the arguement back then was never whether a star was any good or not just who was the best. Today if you don't like a player you don't have to justify it. Nobody justifies anything. They just accuse, condemn, dismiss. Simple as that. If they wanna say Kobe sucks because he's a rapist? Hey no problem. If they want to say Lebron is the next MJ, no documentation needed and none accepted unless it supports your declaration. If they want to say Darius Miles is a superstar? Consider it done. AK47 is a Kobe stopper? Print it. But what most of you do today is tunnel vision. If a rapper disses another rapper you rush to choose a side and you'll never give an inch even if you liked the rapper before your new favorite rapper disses him. You're like 5 year olds following around a kid with a bag of candy. You'll say and do anything to be noticed and get your grubby little mitts (some attention and acceptance) on some "candy". And when called to justify your immaturity you simply call someone like me and old fool, an uncle tom, a bitch, whatever. I understand. It's beyond your ability to defend your own ignorance because...well....you're ignorant. But I sure do miss the days when we argued about who was best and who was second best and on down the line. You didn't always win but what you didn't do was lose like we do today because it's either "your boy" or "your team" and everyone else and everything else is shit. What a waste of sports history that you're missing and what a damn shame I so seldom find anyone to just talk the NBA with anymore. Maybe it wasn't such a bad thing my pops sitting in his underwear with a huge glass of ice tea on the end table and him saying "pull my finger". At least we got to talk a little sports when we fanned the air back to breathing level.

"Sittin' round drinkin' with the rest of the guys, six rounds bought and I bought five, spent the groceries n half the rent....likin 14.00 havin' 27 cents"......so dang me, dang me, they outta take a rope an hang me....high from the highest tree...woman don't ya weep for me"....Roger Miller

This song came to mind when I sat down to write this article. I know the reaction is going to be. "You're a hater"......"You're a Kobe lover".....and on and on an on. So be it.

I wasn't the one who orgionally put the question out there. A friend of mine over yakking while watching a game was. My first reaction was "that's ridiclous....what do you want out of the guy?"  And his reaction was this.....let's take a look.

Paris looks good...hell she looks great.

So does Lebron. He's young, good looking, walks and talks with confidence.  Just knows he's the best.

Paris is the undisputed most talked about in her world. Undeinably the leader of that world.

So is Lebron in his world.

Paris can score with just about anyone she wants.

Lebron can score on just about anyone he wants

Nobody rebounds any better than Paris all things considered

Except for maybe Lebron (all things considered of course)

Paris makes stars out of nobodies around her just by their being around her.

Lebron is capable of double digit assists every time he steps on the court.

"Well," I said "As you know I do think Lebron is a bit overhyped since he hasn't won a title yet but don't you think you're being a little harsh since he's barely into his fourth year? He's still very young and his team is tied for the best record in the East. so far this year."

His reply: "They are one of 3 teams in the entire east with a better than .500 record. The Lakers have one less loss and we don't even know if they'll make the playoffs.  Lebron is young but so is Paris Hilton and we don't really think she's going to win an Oscar do we? More smoke than fire to both of them".

I won't bore you with every single statement we both made over the next hour since guys have these sort of arguements all the time but I did think that him dragging out Paris Hilton  was a little more unsual than our average arguements. What do you think?