Terrel Owens is a product of our time. When things are going bad he complains and bitches and whines and fingerpoints. It's always someone elses fault.  He's never responsible for his own actions much less anyone else's. There is no T.O. in the word team.

The problem with T. O. is the way he acts when times are bad is the best he acts. When things are going good he becomes even louder, even more rude, even more arrogant, even more dismissive of those peons he must suffer around him in order to be in the limelight.

Stop and think about it. You have a co worker or a neighbor or went to school with more than one just like T.0. An Insuffurable egomaniac blabbermouth taking ALL the credit when he's involved with the slightest bit of success

And an inssuferable complaining troublemaker blabbermouth assigining ALL the blame when he's involved with the slightest bit of challenge to overcome.

T;O.'s success as a football player is more in spite of himself than because of himself.

Shortly after my 29 year old, but looked 25 at the time current wife and I married one evening she and her 26 year old best girlfriend burst thru the door with their arms fully of Laker girl costumes and their heads full of pie in the sky. Yep, you guessed. These two aspiring actresses , one of who can act a little and it ain't Buffy let me tell you had a new plan for success in the Land of the Looney Tunes.  I only mention Buffy the Vampire as I can't seem to stop thinking of her as being that because for as long as I have known the two of them,  Carmen has gotten the hostess jobs and Buffy got in on her coattails. If Carmen got a small acting role, there was Buffy somewhere in the extra's pretending to be an actress.  When Carmen went to a well known acting school she somehow wrangled a second tution for half price and guess paid the full amount and who slid in the door on the discount? That and Carmen asked me to stop calling her Buffy the Leech.

So when they announced they were going to be Laker girls and they had joined a well known dance school (why must they all be "well known?" Can't you learn to act and dance and stuff without someone being "well known?" As far as I can tell after years and years of living here, well known simply means overpriced.) and for the next few months before tryouts Our house was full of the sound of "sweating with the hotties" music. Not that I minded of course. Even your own wife looks hot in spandex and when she's got a buddy...well never mind. I knew they wouldn't make it. I'm an expert at not making it. But I didn't say nothing, just tried my best to encourage them and keep Carmen's expectations from setting herself up for a big fall. Boy do I know about big falls.

As you may recall my trying out for the Dallas Cowboys was somewhat less that a spectacular success.  Not than much more than a total embarassment  if you must know the truth. All high school sports stars think they are special. Everyone tells us we are. Hot chicks like you if you are.  In 1965 it was no different than today. Only tougher. Same for 69, 72 and so on. For ever athlete who makes it to the pros and sticks for even a year there are 100,000 guys around America who honestly believe they have what it takes, I was no different. So the Cowboy fiasco driving home to me that I was neither good enough, or tough enough was an embarassment. To myself.

But it wasn't the only one. As a 17 year old second baseman I had led the league in hitting at .604. Lead off switch hitter, I also led the league in  stolen bases with nearly 50 stolen bases in 25 games. Caught once. Was on the all star team that journeyed down to San Diego to play a little exhibition game against the San Diego triple A team of the time. This was supposedly so some big league scouts could take a look at  us against some guys who could possible also be going to the big show one day.  I was ready. I was going to the big leagues. No doubt about it.

Lead off the game. Fast ball blew by me and i never saw it. DAMN!!...Curve ball looked about 4 feet outside until it broke so cleanly across the plate I almost joined the umpire in yelling STREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEE. "FOCUS DUSTY" I thought.

I had to guess fastball cause if i was looking for a curve and it was a fastball I'd be struck out in three pitches. It was a fastball and somehow or the other I got the bat around just well enough to poke the ball over the shortstops head. You know what that means when a left handed batter pokes a fast ball over the shortstops head right? The batter is about as Late as late can get without actually striking out. But never mind. There I was on first base and I went into my act. And what an act it was. I took my walking lead, pickoff throw. HOLY SHIT HE ALMOST GOT ME.!!!!!!  For the next ten minutes I dove in the dirt getting back and got rewarded with the first baseman slapping the ball in his glove on  my shoulder , my back....I was so bruised that they could have put me on SSI on the spot. But they didn't and I was damned if I was gonna shorten that lead.

Finally the Pitcher went home. Pitchout. My mother only raised one fool and that was my brother. I took a quick look at our third base coach and he was busy looking to see if his fly was open which meant the green light I had all season was still on. He wasn't interested in giving me a break and having me park it.  This went on for another good 10 minutes again. Pickoff throws,  couple of times i broke and the batter fouled it off.  A time out conference. I was starting to get cocky. I had them right where I wanted them. Triple A my ass. Whose your daddy?

FINALLY!!!!!!  Pitcher went home, battter didn't foul it off, I had a good solid foot longer lead that my normal lead and I was OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I launched myself headfirst  in my patented dust cloud raising, shortstop blinding, slide away from the glove hand and reached for the bag. And was tagged out an knew it before I even came within spitting distance  from the bag. DAMN!!!!!!!!!!

And that was the highlight of my day that day. Sad to say my coach told me it was just a matter of a perfect throw and even sadder to say next at bat I got another stick the bat out there and maybe it will hit something blooper and with the coaches words ringing in my ear I set out to avenge myself. And got thrown out a second time only this time they already had a card table set up at second base and were playing texas holdem with only 3 left at the final table. Walked next time at bat. Now you think I'm gonna say I was stupid enough to try it a third time aren't you? Nope. Parked my butt right there.

Couple of batters later the guy lines one into right and I was gone with two outs at the pitch. Picked up the third base coach waving me around and never broke stride digging for third. And got thrown out on the fly by the right fielder before I even went into my slide.

Sometimes Ya just gotta smile when they tell you they're gonna be Laker Girls. Why should I tell them? Let em suffer.

So you think you got jokes? I don' t think so. LOL.  Life is too serious and as you get older you hear lots less new jokes than you used to hear. So here's what we're going to do. With only a few weeks left before the Annual "Fox Sports Blog Dustie Awards" we gotta decide on who has the best jokes.  Enter as often as you like but only one joke per entry. If you add more than one joke at a time those jokes will not be considered  for a Dustie Award nor will they be included in the "Dustie Award Winning joke book" that will follow.

Let's kick it off with an old musty joke from my child hood.

Little Johnny was sitting in his first day at school when the teacher was explaining the alphabet. Now she said, what word begins with the letter A.

Johnny's hand shot up and she called on him......."ASSHOLE" was his response.

After the class has been calmed down and everyone who had fallen off their seat laughing was back at their desk properly,  she proceeded to ask what word began with the Letter B.

Not a soul raised their hand......except for Johnny. She decided to take a chance but admonished him in advance not to say a dirty word....and he responded....BASTARD.

Order was once again restored in due time, tissues passed out for those giggling so hard they were crying and the teacher proceeded through the alphabet and every single letter she asked for a word no one raised their had......except forJohnny....who she ignored and gave her own example word.

She came to the letter R and again only Johnny's hand was  in the air.  She thought carefully and came to the quick conclusion that she couldn't think of a single curse word that began with the letter R so she broke down and called him but stated "I do not want to hear a word with the letter R that is a curse word Johnny do you understand me".

He assured her that he was a team player and had received the message loud and clear.

The teacher said "fine Johnny what word begins with the letter R?" And he replied.

RAT!!! A BIG FUCKING RAT WITH A 12 INCH DICK.

Now I know that was pretty bad. LOLOLOLOL I loved that joke. But I set the bar low on purpose. I can't win my own awards so why try that hard right?= LOLOLOL I  love that joke.

GOTHAM CITY: STATELY MANSION OF MULTI-MILLIONAIRE BRUCE WAYNE"

"I'm sorry Master Wayne I simply cannot do it.  Even young master Dick was searching for a more appropriate look when the Zorro mask he was trying out slipped and he was momentairly blinded and impaled himself on his sword....or perhaps he was just unable to bring himself to being seen in public in yellow tights any longer. The day of the Village People is over Master Wayne.  I'm not wearing yellow tights sir. I'm 97 years old"

"I'm afraid you must Alfred. Gotham City is depending on Batman and Robin. I'm Batman, I can't be Robin at the same time. I can't let Carmen be Robin because she's already Battygirl. It must be you Alfred. No one will notice."

"Sir my hair is white. I'm an  African American.  I don't spend my free time in bath houses. I am not wearing Master Dick's Robin costume and yellow tights.  Furthermore.................

LOOK ALFRED!!!!!!!!! IT'S THE BAT SIGNAL....TO THE BAT POLES...THIS WILL WARM YOU RIGHT UP IN THAT PLACE WHERE VIAGRA DOES BUT IT DOES IT A LOT FASTER TRUST ME....................

(GROAN)

(to be continued)

If there is more than one way to skin a cat I'd like to know what they are since everytime I try I just wind up with clawed balls.

Why is it the hot chicks that say they want to be friends and the fat ugly ones drag you in off the sidewalk with a pitchfork?

Has anyone ever verified that graveyards don't actually mess up at least half the time and put headstones at the end of  dead people's feet?

Why is it that ghetto guys won't work for minmum wage but they will go to prison for thirteen cents an hour?

Why is it that when you're single you couldn't get laid by Janet Reno but the minute you get married women that look Shakira and Britney can't keep their hands off you?

Why is it called ham-burger meat when it's beef?

Am I the only one who can see Dick Cheney's lips move when Bush talks?

Why can't we get Bush to go hunting with Cheney? Is he brighter than we thought?

Am I the only one who can see that the only kind of person who could get all the religous warring to stop in Iraq is Saddam?

Just how high in the sky could a fly fly if a fly could fly sky high?

Why do people keep asking how much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? For the last time. 3 maybe 4 if he hustles.

If there is no global warming who is stealing all the damn ice in the Artic? Is someone selling ice to the Eskimos?

Why do ex wives talk so bad about you after being married to you for 20 years? Don't that make them look sort of stupid for taking that long to figure out you're  worthless?

Why did it take songwriters 200 years to figure out you can write the lyrics "I got bitches, I got hoes, I got bling bling, you ain't shit but a punk azz yo" is all you have to write and change the beat and the guy saying it and you can sell 20 million raps every year?

Why did oil prices go up when we took over a country that wasn't selling to us before and we're stealing all theirs now?

Why did people get so upset because Clinton lied about blowjobs? Would you have the nerve to admit you been cheating to Hilary?

How can you prove to the IRS that you didn't make any money when they say you did? Isn't it impossible to prove that nothing exists?

Why are there gay bath houses with hundreds of men wandering around having sex with total strangers but I can't find one with hundreds of hot women wandering around having sex with total strangers?

Why is all of a sudden the word midgets defamatory but the words little people isn't?

Why are guys so threatened by gay guys? Seems to me if every other guy was either gay or into real fat chicks I'd be getting me some serious hotties.

Why did Britney end up with Kevin Federline but would have me arrested for stalking her if I tried to date her? I'm better looking, more talented (ok who isn't but still), wouldn't spend all her money and wouldn't put sharks in the swimming pool.

Who are those 300 people at the KFed concert? Did they fly in all his relatives from Fresno?

Why did they have no moshing signs everywhere and search you three times at the Bob Dylan concert.  When's the last time you saw 60 year old white gangbangers moshing and strapped?

Am I the only one that can see Tom Cruise is shrinking?

Why does Hollywood claim there are no good scripts but they send your script back unopened because they didn't ask you to send it to them?

Why are there no country music rappers?

Why doesn't the govt give tax deductions for not having kids since the world is so overpopulated?

Why are half the young black guys I see are being supported by obese women but my son keeps borrowing money from me to take out hotties?

Why does my 4 year old granddaughter know how to read, program a cel phone and still stands in the back yard yelling at the sensor ducks on the walkway who go quack quack when you  go past them...why does she stand there for an hour yelling back AFLAC?

And why does my wife have those damn sensor ducks  when she thought my idea of sesnor Lakers was stupid?

Why is it when a family member dies people you never heard of before show up at your house to hug you and say what a great loss you've suffered then proceed to eat all your food and drink your liquor cabinet dry?

Why is it the minute you retire your wife starts wanting to have sex like every 20 minutes? Is she trying to kill me for the insurance?

Why is it that 2 out of every 3 guys on a bicyle over the age of 21 is Snoops cousin and wants to borrow a dollar and a cigarette?

Why is it that every single time in my life that i have flown alone on an airplane i have been put between 2 400 lb people?

Why is it that everytime I have flown on a plane with my wife (or ex wife) in my life some 8 year old from 20 rows back zeros in on us to talk nonstop about his stinking sister, his little league career and how he doesn't wet the bed anymore. for five hours in a row. And why do my wives talk to them? And why don't parents miss them in 5 hours?  And why don't we get paid for babysitting?

Why do airlines get all hostile and threaten to bump you if you don't check in 2 hours before the flight but the plane is always two hours or more late taking off?

Why is it that all I have to do is dress in leather jacket  and black shirt and everywhere I go I'm asked by some white person if I'm some famous black star.  Do we really all look alike?