If there is more than one way to skin a cat I'd like to know what they are since everytime I try I just wind up with clawed balls.

Why is it the hot chicks that say they want to be friends and the fat ugly ones drag you in off the sidewalk with a pitchfork?

Has anyone ever verified that graveyards don't actually mess up at least half the time and put headstones at the end of  dead people's feet?

Why is it that ghetto guys won't work for minmum wage but they will go to prison for thirteen cents an hour?

Why is it that when you're single you couldn't get laid by Janet Reno but the minute you get married women that look Shakira and Britney can't keep their hands off you?

Why is it called ham-burger meat when it's beef?

Am I the only one who can see Dick Cheney's lips move when Bush talks?

Why can't we get Bush to go hunting with Cheney? Is he brighter than we thought?

Am I the only one who can see that the only kind of person who could get all the religous warring to stop in Iraq is Saddam?

Just how high in the sky could a fly fly if a fly could fly sky high?

Why do people keep asking how much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? For the last time. 3 maybe 4 if he hustles.

If there is no global warming who is stealing all the damn ice in the Artic? Is someone selling ice to the Eskimos?

Why do ex wives talk so bad about you after being married to you for 20 years? Don't that make them look sort of stupid for taking that long to figure out you're  worthless?

Why did it take songwriters 200 years to figure out you can write the lyrics "I got bitches, I got hoes, I got bling bling, you ain't shit but a punk azz yo" is all you have to write and change the beat and the guy saying it and you can sell 20 million raps every year?

Why did oil prices go up when we took over a country that wasn't selling to us before and we're stealing all theirs now?

Why did people get so upset because Clinton lied about blowjobs? Would you have the nerve to admit you been cheating to Hilary?

How can you prove to the IRS that you didn't make any money when they say you did? Isn't it impossible to prove that nothing exists?

Why are there gay bath houses with hundreds of men wandering around having sex with total strangers but I can't find one with hundreds of hot women wandering around having sex with total strangers?

Why is all of a sudden the word midgets defamatory but the words little people isn't?

Why are guys so threatened by gay guys? Seems to me if every other guy was either gay or into real fat chicks I'd be getting me some serious hotties.

Why did Britney end up with Kevin Federline but would have me arrested for stalking her if I tried to date her? I'm better looking, more talented (ok who isn't but still), wouldn't spend all her money and wouldn't put sharks in the swimming pool.

Who are those 300 people at the KFed concert? Did they fly in all his relatives from Fresno?

Why did they have no moshing signs everywhere and search you three times at the Bob Dylan concert.  When's the last time you saw 60 year old white gangbangers moshing and strapped?

Am I the only one that can see Tom Cruise is shrinking?

Why does Hollywood claim there are no good scripts but they send your script back unopened because they didn't ask you to send it to them?

Why are there no country music rappers?

Why doesn't the govt give tax deductions for not having kids since the world is so overpopulated?

Why are half the young black guys I see are being supported by obese women but my son keeps borrowing money from me to take out hotties?

Why does my 4 year old granddaughter know how to read, program a cel phone and still stands in the back yard yelling at the sensor ducks on the walkway who go quack quack when you  go past them...why does she stand there for an hour yelling back AFLAC?

And why does my wife have those damn sensor ducks  when she thought my idea of sesnor Lakers was stupid?

Why is it when a family member dies people you never heard of before show up at your house to hug you and say what a great loss you've suffered then proceed to eat all your food and drink your liquor cabinet dry?

Why is it the minute you retire your wife starts wanting to have sex like every 20 minutes? Is she trying to kill me for the insurance?

Why is it that 2 out of every 3 guys on a bicyle over the age of 21 is Snoops cousin and wants to borrow a dollar and a cigarette?

Why is it that every single time in my life that i have flown alone on an airplane i have been put between 2 400 lb people?

Why is it that everytime I have flown on a plane with my wife (or ex wife) in my life some 8 year old from 20 rows back zeros in on us to talk nonstop about his stinking sister, his little league career and how he doesn't wet the bed anymore. for five hours in a row. And why do my wives talk to them? And why don't parents miss them in 5 hours?  And why don't we get paid for babysitting?

Why do airlines get all hostile and threaten to bump you if you don't check in 2 hours before the flight but the plane is always two hours or more late taking off?

Why is it that all I have to do is dress in leather jacket  and black shirt and everywhere I go I'm asked by some white person if I'm some famous black star.  Do we really all look alike?