Ever have one of those days you planned to sleep in,  get up and laze around giving your best effort to do absolutely nothing?

And someone come barging in who regularly barges in and you pretty much think " yeah whatever, don't talk to me....I'm in offical don't care status"?

The of course a Vampire drops in (in my case named Buffy) and you pretty much know that this not going to be a cruise control sort of a day since the biggest irritant person you know is homesteading in your home before noon?

You get yourself a big ole pitcher of ice tea and you slide out to the best patio recliner you got and turn on the little TV hoping they won't notice you're gone? And then your son and half a million of his friends show up and you can't say a damn thing since you spent the last two years ragging on him for.....never showing up.  Next thing you know there's ping pong tournament going on (like a 10 person double elimination tournament is needed?")

They're inside your house, theres people outside your house and you could pass a polygraph with no problem swearing  you didn't invite a single one of them?

Then out of nowhere it happens. Someone starts it and someone  gets all wound up and it's like a frigging contagious disease.. There are gainfully employed people? College degree people? White people? Black People? Latino people? And Arab for God's sake.......I'm sure you know more. But they spent a good hour on it.....to wit.....

Spanking The Monkey..... Choking the Chicken......  .Whipping The Wire....Pounding the Pud

Too Broke To Pay....Stroodling The Noodle....Loping The Mule....Training the Toad

Petting the Pole......Watering The Sheets....Dating Martha Thumb and the Finger sisters,

Flooding The Basement.....Pole Vaulting.....Milking The Snake.......Practicing......Going Long

Taking Him Down For The Count.....Puttin The Twins On Overtime.....Walking The Weasel

Hand to Hand To Combat.....Making Sure Everything Is in Working Order....Lubeing the Joint

Tillin The Tail .......... Beatin The Meat........Workin' The Soul Pole..........Waxin' The Periscope

Waltzing The Weiner ........Playin The Skin Flute.........Makin' Gravy........Beatin the Bush

And finally "Give All the Wives A Night Off" (Frigging Arabs. Just another reason they need to go home)

And there were dozens more. I must getting old. In my day guys didn't even admit they did it and women sure as hell didn't stand around contributing to the laughter.

And then you discover your 5 year old granddaughter who is almost certainly going to turn out  to be an extortioniost, has been sitting behind a chair getting low next to a potted plant and taping everyone. Cost me 5.00 to get that tape before her mother did.

One of those days