Who knew?

Manny Ramirez gets a fifty game suspension and before he's done his time gets a minor league conditioning assignment.

http://msn.foxsports.com/mlb/story/9709148/Ramirez-set-to-start-minor-league-stint-Tuesday 

I guess that makes the Albuquerque Isotopes a halfway house to help recovering steroid cheats resume their place in society.

But it raises a question.  When is a suspension not a suspension? 

Answer, when it's a major league suspension.  If Manny Ramirez had been a minor league player who tested positive for steroids he wouldn't be able to play minor league games.  But he can go to rehab at any minor league Betty Ford Field.

Talk about a loophole.

Baseball says it is serious about steroids.  That they are really, really bad, and serious consequences will follow a positive test. 

But not so serious they can't cut Manny some slack in order for him to be in playing shape on Day One of his return.  Not so serious as to stretch the definition of "rehab" to include steroid abuse.  Not so serious as prevent Ramirez going to AAA and taking at bats away from a player who followed the rules.

What is Ramirez rehabbing from?  An aggravated puncture wound?  Don't you have to be injured to rehab?  And if there is no injury, how is this a rehab assignment?

One other small problem-Ramirez rehabbing prior to his suspension ending appears to be in conflict with Major League Baseball's agreement with the Major League Baseball Players Association, which says:

Any service with a Minor League club while on rehabilitation
assignment shall be deemed to be Major League service as
defined in Article XXI. A Player so assigned shall continue to
receive his Major League salary and the other rights and benefits of
such Player shall be in accordance with past practices relating to
assignments to Minor League clubs; provided, however, that all
such players shall be treated as if they were Major League Players
on the road for purposes of hotel accommodations and the daily
meal and tip allowance.

If the rehab assignment by contract is considered "Major League Service" then Ramirez will be playing prior to his suspension being lifted.

Could Ramirez have spent his entire suspension down on the farm?  The Dodgers would not have allowed their $20 million investment to risk injury that way.  But a week getting ready is fine with them.  And letting him hang around Dodger Stadium taking batting practice appears to have been OK with Bud Selig.

In fairness, keeping him away from Albuquerque and Dodger Stadium would have been a lot like punishment.

Oh, wait....

Ramirez was being punished.

And Major League Baseball is serious about cracking down on steroids.

Sure they are.

 

I picture Bob Costas sitting on Mount Olympus surrounded by scribes waiting to take down his every word and carry it to the assembled multitudes.

Oh, wait, that's HIS fantasy.

Mine is the same, but it's a windy day.  And none of the scribes showed up to work with a pen.

Confession time.  I like Costas.  Smart, well spoken, and possessed of a genuine love of baseball.  And of his own voice.  Darn, there I go again.

Costas IS good.  But he could be better if he didn't take himself so seriously.  Sometimes he reaches for the profound and comes up with a handful of gravitas.  I hate gravitas.  It gets all over your hands and it takes forever to wash off. 

Costas has gravitas.  Probably stores boxes of it in his garage in case there is ever a shortage.  Breaks open a case or two every year for the Triple Crown races.  A box here or there for the thoughtful sports interview requiring just a touch of David Gergen.

Which brings us to Costas on umpires.  When you're profound people use your name and "On" to imply deep thoughts.  That's why you'll never read "Dudski on Steroids".  Wait a minute, that doesn't even sound right.  Or "Dudski on the Looming Crisis".  "Dudski on the Sotomeyor nomination".  Or "Dudski Does Dallas".  Wait, that can't be right.

Where was I?

Ah, Costas on umpires.  He'll be doing an interview with several of them on the MLB network on June 22 at 7PM.  As part of the publicity runup for the show he's being quoted in support of instant replay in baseball during the playoffs and World Series, excepting ball and strike calls.

Say what?

How can someone champion baseball, rhapsodize on the beauty of the game, then advocate instant replay?   Because sometimes an umpire misses a call?  So what?  Umpires have been missing calls since the 1870's. 

That's why they call it a game.

There is no court of appeals in baseball.  The umpire makes a call and life goes on. 

How would instant replay work?  Hand out dainty little hankerchiefs to the managers.  Can you imagine Earl Weaver throwing a flag out of the dugout?  And what is the pitcher supposed to do during the replay?  If I were managing against a pitcher who was in a groove you can bet I'd find reasons to challenge something, anything, to break the rhythm of the game.

And where will this instant replay action take place?  Under some black hood over a TV monitor?  That will increase respect for umpires.  Have them clustered under the stupidest looking device since "Get Smart's" cone of silence.

Why, with games lasting three plus hours and managers compulsively using five relievers after a five inning start (Yeah, I'm talking about you, Joe Girardi) would anyone in their right mind advocate building in more interuptions?

How many challenges are we talking about?  Two?  Six?  Ten?  And if the number is less than three, what are you going to do after you've used your three (for example) challenges and the umpire makes what you think is error number four?

Costas is advocating instant replay for a reason.  Because nobody else is.  Because it will be controversial and call attention to himself.  Because the voices in his head egging him on to make "the pronouncement" keep whispering "instant replay".

Baseball needs passionate advocates like Bob Costas.

It doesn't need instant replay.

David Letterman created some controversy attempting to make a joke about Sarah Palin's daughter being impregnated by Alex Rodriquez during a game she went to with her mother. 

Here is a list of the Top Ten sports references you don't want Letterman making about your family.

Number Ten--Your mother-in-law is carrying more weight than Shaquille O'Neal dragging Eddy Curry through the lane.

Number Nine-Not saying your wife's cooking is bad, but the rigatoni she served came back on us more times than Brett Favre.

Number Eight-Your daughter holds onto husbands like Milton Bradley holds onto a fly ball.

Number Seven-If your son were LeBron James he would snort the talcum powder.

Number Six-Your son-in-law has alot in common with the Pittsburgh Pirates.  Neither of them will be working in October.

Number Five-Your daughter has gotten around more than Kwame Brown.

Number Four-Your brother-in-law makes Lane Kiffin seem quiet and tactful.

Number Three-Your sister will find a husband when the Oakland Raiders get back to the Super Bowl.

Number Two-Your sister-in-law couldn't give away free textbooks to Alabama football players.

Number One-Your wife has all the charm of Charles Barkley on the sixteenth day of a Slim Fast diet.

Spot of trouble for the Aussies.

AC/DC has Melbourne's Etihad Stadium booked for dates the Australian Football League wants.  I'd give way to AC/DC.  Do you really want 180,000 disappointed AC/DC fans running around?

Makes you think about how you'd choose between....

Bruce Springsteen and the New York Giants.   I'd take the Giants because they don't want to talk to you about their politics like SOME PEOPLE.

Miley Cyrus and the Washington Nationals.   They both hit like girls and most people would be embarrassed to be seen at one of their gigs.   Tossup.

Celine Dion or LeBron James.   One is an overly hyped, hopelessly self involved diva.  The other sings schlocky songs.  I'd go see LeBron James.  That thing with the talcum powder is killer.

Jessica Simpson or the Dallas Cowboys.   Trick question.  You book the Cowboys you're going to have to see Jessica Simpson.  Classic two for one.  Or one for Nine. 

The Rolling Stones or the New York Yankees.   The Yankees are just a little bit younger, but the Stones move around more.  Stones.

U2 or the New York Knicks.  No brainer.  The Knicks never play in June and U2 does.  Advantage to the Irish lads.

John Fogerty or the Pittsburgh Pirates.  Everytime I hear "Centerfield" it makes me feel good about baseball.  The Pirates never make me feel good about baseball.  Go with Fogerty.  Pittsburgh is an east coast version of Lodi.

Jonas Brothers or the Baltimore Orioles  A bunch of young guys I've never heard of.  Don't know anything about the band, either.  Stick with Baltimore.  If the game's no good you can still go to the aquarium and look at the sharks.

The Pretenders or the Dallas Mavericks.   I thought the Mavs WERE the Pretenders.  I'll go with the real Pretenders.  Chrissie Hynde is getting older but manages not to embarrass herself.  Mark Cuban, on the other hand....  Definitely, the Pretenders.

Madonna or the Minnesota Vikings.  Brett Favre or Madonna?  Would someone please tell them it's over?  Go with the Vikings.  You'll feel cheapened and used either way.

Steely Dan or the Mets.  Definitely the Dan.  Much better show and they won't suddenly quit playing for no apparent reason in September.

The Who or the NHL.  Tossup.  You either see the Who, or the who?

Accepting the award for the Lakers, NBA Commissioner David Stern.

Why not, he made it possible.

I refer to the February 1, 2008 trade of Pau Gasol to the Lakers in exchange for (drumroll please):

The man, the myth, the uniform stuffing known as Kwame Brown.  (Who Memphis chose not to resign).

Sir Marc the Lesser, younger brother to Pau.  In fairness, an adequate NBA forward, but no Pau Gasol.

Jarvis Crittenton.  Traded (along with his 5 ppg) to the Wizards for a future draft choice.

Aaron McKie.  A retired player included to make the cap space work under trade rules.

A 2008 draft choice.  This became Donte Greene and then Darrell Arthur (5 points, 4 rebounds per game).

A 2010 draft choice.  Considering the Lakers will likely win the title, this would be the last pick of the first round.  Essentially, a worthless pick.

In other words, Pau Gasol (19 points, 10 rebounds) for the basketball equivalent of chum (fish bait).

Why?

Easy enough.  Memphis has never made money.  Things were getting bleak before the trade got made.  The Grizzlies might have needed an escape hatch, a buyer, or backing for a line of credit.  Maybe even dibs on a relocation site.

Suddenly the Grizzlies traded Gasol and all the talk about moving or folding went away.  Just recently Memphis tapped into a $20 million loan from the NBA.

Funny thing.

The Grizzlies didn't entertain a single offer from any other team in the league.  Went straight for the Lakers lousy deal.  Stuck the fans in Memphis.  Stuck the rest of the league.

But made David Stern a happy man.

Next up, LeBron James.

Stern will eventually do for King James what he has done for Kobe.  A marquee player will appear on the Cavaliers roster for a pocket full of magic beans.  Or maybe it will end up being the Knicks roster.  That would make Nike happy.  And Nike and NBA seem to smile at the same moment an awful lot.

It will happen.

Just as surely as the league chastised a referee for calling LeBron James for travelling earlier this season.  As surely as the Lakers caught all the breaks against Denver.  As surely Pau Gasol is a Laker.

Congratulations Kobe, you did it all by yourself.

Sort of.