I've seen the error of my ways.

I opposed tearing down Yankee Stadium until I saw artist's drawings of the new Yankee Stadium. It makes the house Ruth built look somewhere a crack addict would live. Bigger seats, better views, more places to buy $4 soft drinks. The stuff our society is built on.

You get to thinking. Do we really need to preserve so much of our history? Gettysburg would look so much better with a dirt bike track around all those monuments. I think the guys who nearly froze to death and starved at Valley Forge would have no problem at all with a Taco Bell by the banks of the Delaware. Ford's Theater screams for a IMAX screen. Get that ship wreck moved out of Pearl Harbor and put some leaping dolphins and a whale or two in.

Bleep history.

So when the big dump in the Bronx comes down it ought to be a signal to the rest of sports. Time to think outside the box.

First we light up Wrigley Field. I know, traditionally we knock down historical structures, but the pyromaniac in us all would be so much more satisfied if we burned the sucker down. Think about it, how else are we going to get rid of that creepy ivy on the outfield walls? The stuff just grows back if you pull it up. Then we come back in with a dome and put all those rooftop guys out of business.

Fenway Park would be next to go. You can't get enough people in and the neighborhood is lousy with bars. The Cask & Flagon, The Lower Depths (indeed), Boston Beer Works, and the Baseball Tavern. There's a big vacant lot over at something called the Boston Commons you could rebuild on. The land is just sitting there, crying out for public parking. We can turn Fenway into the world's largest Citgo Station. There's already a sign up.

Lambeau Field is another dump needing replacement. Haven't these knuckleheads heard of indoor heat? Who wants to sit outside in five degree weather when we could easily move the whole enterprise over to Milwaukee and stick it in Miller Park. Then you just change the name of the team to the Milwaukee Frosty Cold Ones to honor the city's heritage.

The Coliseum in Los Angeles irks me. You've got this little backwater town that can't even get a NFL team in and they keep this fossil of a stadium seating 92,000. It's called the Memorial Coliseum, in memory of the veterans of WW1. Get real, WW1 is like so, 1918. Traffic is terrible in LA, so you'd have to build the stadium east of the city but still near the interstate. I checked the map and there's something called the San Bernadino National Forest out by I-15 that would work great for a smaller stadium.

Speaking of excess capacity, what about Beaver Stadium at Penn State, a.k.a. the Rodent Bowl? You can get 107,282 people there (enough to seat all the Penn State players parole officers). One word-downsize. You could build a retirement community on site. They say there is a real need up there. This one eighty-one year old fellow has had to keep working at the same job for 59 years because there just isn't any suitable housing nearby.

Notre Dame could use a new place, or maybe just update what they've got. They could start by taking those ugly diagonal lines out in the end zone.  Kids want something that speaks to their college experience. How about at the opposite end zone from that other statue something where the leprechaun slides down into tank of beer every time the Irish score. You could get the Claussen kid to work out the details, and if the offense doesn't improve you won't have to worry about the wee fellow getting wet most weeks (the leprechaun, not Clausen).

Cameron Indoor Stadium at Duke. A waste. An absolute waste. You've got the makings of a great sports venue. Screaming drunken kids just out of their minds, waiting lines for tickets, hundreds of thousands of people who discovered they were Duke fans when the team started winning. We could sell 30,000 tickets a night and build the "Crazy K's Thunder Palace".

And finally, this place. One word-bulldozer (or is that two)?