"They asked me if my problem was ignorance or apathy. I told them I didn't know and I didn't care."-Anonymous.

Paul Byrd used HGH for a medical problem. Don't care. Just point me in the direction of the health plan that covered three years and nearly $25,000 in prescriptions signed by a dentist for human growth hormone. You really have to pay the extra $10 a month for the syringe coverage.

Kobe Bryant may be traded. Or not. Don't know. This is the most mutual loathing, destructive need, and mistrust you can find outside the Clinton marriage. But how do you make the cap numbers work? Does Phil Jackson stick around for the rebuilding process? And will Jack Nicholson sit court side to watch Ben Gordon?

Five University of Alabama players are suspended for being issued too many school books. Don't care and don't believe it. Of all the things you can accuse a SEC football player of being in possession of, text books is at the bottom of the list. "Police pulled over the pair at 0200 after Milton and Keynes were seen throwing an unlicensed copy of "Women at Work: Leadership for the Next Century" out of their SUV while approaching a traffic check point." Sure... Personally, I think the books were planted on them by an Auburn fan, although where they would have found books is anybody's guess.

Tom Brady is on pace to throw 56 touchdowns. Don't care. What I want to know is whether he will return to the mother of his child and dump the exotic super model. And will he be able to be the first quarterback to overcome the 'National Enquirer' cover jinx?

Is Joe Girardi poised to become the next manager of the Yankees? Don't know. He's arrogant, doesn't appear at team functions anymore, and believes Copernicus was wrong and that the world revolves around him. Oh, wait. The Yankees have already filled that job.

Greg Ryan is fired as coach of the US women's soccer team. Don't know, don't care. OK, I'm lying. Ryan is a dope and never should have pulled Hope Solo. Not that I'm admitting I watch women's soccer. But what was wrong with Ryan? Did he think this was still 2004?

What channel is Versus? Don't know. I want my NHL, but finding it is like looking for the puck during a TV game. You know it's there somewhere, but you can't really see it. I found Emeril, some "Best Selling NY Times" author who says I can eat chocolate souflee and lose weight. I even found a way to turn $10,000 into a real estate fortune. But where in Carmen San Diego is Sidney Crosby?

The Oakland A's hired Don Wakamatsu as their bench coach. Didn't know, never heard of him. But what a great name. You can have all kinds of fun saying it really fast. Or, you can say just the first syllable and then say the rest real fast. You can say it when people sneeze and somehow it sounds appropriate. You can even call up RV sales places and ask to see a Wakamatsu and wait while they look in their inventory.

Manny Ramirez stops to watch a long fly to the outfield. Don't care. I'm bothered by the batting helmet, which looks a germ warfare experiment. I'm bothered by Ramirez and all the players who don't wear stirrups and look like mid-level managers playing in street clothes at a company picnic. And I'm still trying to figure out if he's a member of a Carribbean religious group or just having a really, really bad hair day.

Will baseball let the Cubs be sold to Mark Cuban? Don't know. I think they should wait until his extended adolescence is over. That should be just about the time his cable news show with Dan Rather makes money, or Brittany Spears writes a book on positive parenting.

Scott Boras says he isn't ready to talk money on Alex Rodriquez' contract. Don't care. I realize something baseball owners don't understand. I watched baseball before Alex Rodriquez, I will watch it after he's gone. He can go back to that strip club in Toronto, buy a chain of Hooters restaurants, or write a children's book about friendship with Derek Jeter. I have at least 125 million (125,000,000) reasons not to care.

And finally, will the Dolphins get that second perfect season?  Don't know, but it sure looks like history in the making to me.