1. I believe that I will spend the rest of my natural life kicking myself for not drafting Adrian Peterson in the 2nd round like I considered. Me, the Super Genius, like Wile E. Coyote figured that Ned Flanders, uh I mean head coach Brad Childress would be married to the dreaded Chester Taylor/Peterson time-share, and I chose the legendary Tatum Bell instead.

(Insert the Florida Evans, "Damn! Damn! Damn!" right here.) Mind you, this was AFTER I told everyone that A-Pete had Canton potential.

2. While I'm on the subject, I also believe that A-Pete just moved into the Top 3for MVP consideration.

3. I believe that Randy Moss should be ranked higher in the MVP voting than Tom Brady. Yeah, I said it.

Two plays sum it up for me - those two ridiculous TDs against the Dolphins. Don't listen to Ron Jaworski's babble about Brady's placement of the ball - he threw it up into double coverage, and Moss hauls it in. No other human being can make that catch. Randy Moss did it twice. Then on Sunday Moss beats Indy's vaunted Cover Two (designed to stop the deep ball) for a momentum-changing 55 yard pass.

4. I believe I found common ground with Jason Whitlock. Randy Moss is the most physically gifted wideout - EVER. Jerry Rice, Cris Carter, and Fred Bilitenkoff had better hands. Bob Hayes may be faster. Steve Largent ran beautiful routes. But none of them combined 4.28 speed, the 6-4 height, the vertical and the  ability to adjust to the pass in midflight.

5. I believe that Jason Whitlock needs to end the Chad Johnson madness. Chad's endzone celebrations have nothing to do with the Bengals inability to stop the run. Ocho Cinco's Hall Of Fame jackets have nothing to do with Odell Thurman's unwillingness to obey the law.

I had a huge problem with the silly gold teeth (since removed), to all but call Chad an Uncle Tom ("Mr. Bojangles"? Come on Jason...) is hitting low. Yeah, I know that being The Black Scold is good business - especially with an organization as conservative as Fox, and it is sometimes necessary. But I despise hypocricy, and Keyshawn Johnson attempting to condemn The Chad - well, Mr. Pot, meet Mr. Kettle. It is NOT ok because Keyshawn is in the media. Shame on you Jason.

6. I believe that no good quarterback has every possesed the hideous body language that Peyton Manning displays in clutch siutations.

I'm sorry, but when the pressure is on, he looks like Rex Grossman on caffine overload looking for a fix. No one who is so allegedly cerebral as Manning should be as frenetic. When the Colts started that last drive, and Manning dropped back, his body language screamed "Gottathrowitfast gottathrowitfast"...and those two fumbles while being sacked? Grossman-esque.

7. I believe that we can expect more media heads to experience multiple Farvegams in the second half of the season. Brett Favre is experiencing a renaissance because he's shown consistently better judgement than I have seen from him in a few years.

Simply put, for the first time in years, coach Mike McCarthy has gotten Brett to limit his boneheaded throws that are always ALWAYS glossed over by the media (i.e. "Favre-gasms") with "Brett is a gunslinger", "Brett sure is having fun..."

By the way, why wasn't the game stopped when Brett threw his record-breaking 277th pick? 

8. I believe that the San Diego Chargers lost their first November game in four years on Sunday, and it won't be the last. Marty has got to chuckling.

9. I believe that Hines Ward is a man's man. He blew up Ed Reed and Tom Scott in the SAME GAME? Tell me the last time you saw a 190 pound receiver drop a couple of All-Pro head-hunters in the same CAREER, much less the same game?

10. I believe that Brian Billick has lived off his offensive genius rep for at least five years too long. Blame Randy Moss. Remember, Billick was the offensive coordinator for the record-setting Vikings with the rookie Randy Moss catching 17 TDs, and the team scoring a record 556 points, which may go down in flames to this year's Pats squad.

Since The Offensive Guru moved to B-more, the Ravens have ranked 26th, 21st, 31st, and 24th in yardage the last four seasons. They've never been higher than 14th in the Billick era in any offensive category except once.

Bonus belief: Sebastian Janikowski just missed a would be NFL record 64 yard FG, hitting the upright on a bomb that would have been good from at least 70 yards. And unlike Jason Elam's kick, the stadium in Oakland actually sits BELOW sea level. 

Yet, when or if  the record gets broken, I believe there is something about Tom Demsey's record-setting kick in 1970 - perhaps it was the posts on the goal line (which meant that Dempsey launched it from his own 37 yard line), the old-school kicking style, or the NFL Films shot from the side...it will always be number one in my book.

Until the next time friends...

Thanks for being patient!

Wrapping up the Legend's Draft Analysis!

And now on to the breakdown (I decided to leave the previous comments in smaller type)...

     

xphoenix87 New Picks  - Wes Unseld, Bruce Bowen, LeBron James, Kevin Garnett, Michael Jordan, Moses Malone, John Stockton

Wesley Unseld. 6-7... by 6-7... went 270, and could set a pick on Mount Rushmore. And put Rushmore on the IR. While he may not finish like Karl Malone, you may actually see John Stockton grin in anticipation. With this the question becomes, does KG move to the 3, with Moses at the 4? This may mean LeBron off the bench. Enviable. Now with the 7th round pick...

BRUCE BOWEN? Remember that Sesame Street song, "One of these things just doesn't belong here..."?

As someone put it, it is a sign of a diluted NBA. Bruce is a pitbull defender that Michael Vick would love. Dirty sometimes for sure, but can guard 3 positions. But he is an offensive near-zero, who once shot better from 3 point range than from the foul line. For an entire season. Michael Cooper was just as good a defender and better offensive player. Not feeling that pick, which took a tad bit off of a well balanced, physical lineup.

Question to the GM: What do you plan to do with LBJ? And why Bowen?

dehbashi - Jason Kidd, Jerry Lucas, Paul Arizin, George Gervin, Tim Duncan, Nate Thurmond, Clyde Drexler

'Bashi went and got one of the few players in the history of the game who can dominate and only take 3 shots in Jason Kidd. Of course, you may want to call him "Ason Kidd" with that poor excuse for a jumper. Still, Kidd is clutch and his defense gives this team three lockdown defenders. The next pick netted another underrated baller in Jerry Lucas. One of 4 men NBA history to have a 40 rebound game. Two Area Code shooting range. Could play the 4 or 5. This team will rate as an interesting chemistry experiement. Kidd and Clyde on the break, with Nate and Duncan on the glass. Ice providing creative scoring. This team is still a bit light on 3 point shooting (don't be surprised if Lucas is his team's best 3 point shooter), but should be pretty good on defense. And I wonder against some of the better inside teams if this crew can get post scoring from someone other than Duncan.

Deh-bash looked to fill a need for pure shooting by getting the late, great (RIP) "Pitchin Paul", one of the first great jumper shooters in the NBA, and sweet as sugar on the break pulling up. Tough, but may be a tad slow in certain matchups. I love giving props to the Old School, but you can get P.A. at least two rounds later.

In the 5th round... cue up Queen (or Vanilla Ice, if you're under 30)...doo doo do doo doo do...Ice Ice Ice baby... Nice pick here in getting one of the most dynamic scorers ever. Bar none. Ice can score from inside, outside, finger rolls, bank shots, jumpers, runners...but defense? I guess if you score 40, as long as your man doesn't get 35, you're ok. I guess...

Of course, it is permissible to ask - where in the hell is the point guard? Clyde The Glide can hold it down in spots, but a purer ball handler is needed. And Arizin would have kept - some good point guards were there for the taking. Three shooting guards? Er....um....

   
joshQpublic - Dave DeBusschere, Nate Archibald, Elgin Baylor, Walt "Clyde" Frazier, Bill Russell, Jerry West, Kevin McHale.

Dave D. was considered one of the greatest defensive power forwards ever, and it means that there will be no defensive dropoff when Russ or Mchale need a breather. I'm not sure where Tiny fits on a team where Frazier and West get the burn. But the only man to lead the league in assists and points in the same season will make a spot, and can also turbocharge the fast break. In fact, this team can start five All-League defenders in Russell, West, Frazier, McHale, and DeBusschere if it so desired. Tight...

G-Central Question to the GM: Who starts up front? How do you work Baylor into the offense?

He was once described as "the Father" in the Father/Son/Holy Ghost Trinity of Hang Time. Elgin Baylor goes 30th - at least 15 spots lower than he should have. How???

Now Josh gets a guy who averaged 35ppg twice, and averaged 15 boards a game regularly. There may be a problem with defense here, but Baylor already has experience working with West. Will McHale be able to move out of the post to give Elgin some operating room?

In the 5th, Josh nabs Clyde, merely the greatest defensive guard of his era. In fact the West-Frazier backcourt is the best defensive backcourt in this field. This team should be able to run all night with Russell triggering the break to Clyde and The Logo, and then Baylor and McHale can deal in the half-court. Tough crew. He's making it hard for me to be too critical.

genez13 - Pete Maravich, Patrick Ewing, Rick Barry, Allen Iverson, Magic Johnson, Shaq, Karl Malone

Huh. Genez certainly doesn't believe in karma. The controversial Pistol Pete finally goes off the board, and now you have three guards who need the ball in Magic, Iverson, and Maravich. You thought Marbury and Francis would be a hassle! He adds Patrick Ewing, the star-crossed Knicks center who Never Won The Big One. Nice backup for this crew. Of course, the real question is this- Will the combined 10 rings of Magic, Shaq, and Barry overcome the baggage of Ewing, Maravich, AI, and Malone? This team may be the most likely to scoe 160 points in a game. And if I'm a tabloid writer, this is where I want to be. Maybe The Four Letter Network will produce a show about this locker room called "When Genez Is Burning".  

Recently, Rick Barry said that he could teach Shaq to shoot underhand and turn him into a 75% foul shooter. Shaq said, in effect that it wasn't manly to shoot underhand, and he couldn't do it.. Sigh...

On court, this team has everything - in theory. Magic can allow AI to be a shooting guard, which he is despite his 5-11 frame. Slick Rick can bomb from outside to ease any double-team pressure, and watching Barry and Magic move the ball will be breathtaking.

It's the part above the neck that you have to worry about with this crew. Few players could set off a ref - or a teammate - forget an opponent - the way Rick Barry could. The Answer is known in some parts for The Question - as in: "PRACTICE? We're talking about PRACTICE..." Karl Malone had his diva moments, and Shaq's ego was a big reason why he couldn't finish his career as a Laker.

Magic will have his hands full with this crew if they have a losing streak. Yet, show me a player EVER who has the heart of AI, or the will of Magic. This is the most volatile team in the field. Moreover, Shaq is an indifferent defender on pick and rolls, Magic is an OK at best defender, and Barry and Iverson are better at playing the passing lanes. This five can be exploited on occasion.

Hmm, I can see an opponent bodily picking up Barry and using him to commit Hack-A-Shaq. In fact, I'd pay to see that...

ricko - Alex English, Joe Dumars, Steve Nash, David Robinson, Larry Bird, Kobe Bryant, Elvin Hayes

Two understated, underrated guys go to ricko. Quick, who scored more points than anyone in the 1980s? More than Jordan, Wilkins, Kareem, Issel, Malone? That's right, Mr, Smooth, Sir Alex English. Of course, on a team with so many scorers, I'm not sure quite where he fits. Joe D makes more sense. Perennial All-Defensive selection will make up for Nash's shortcomings, and he can play both guard spots and knock down jumpers.

This team has varied scoring, but again, chemistry and the absence of a true bruiser on the glass may be a problem. Hayes needed Unseld, Robinson needed Duncan. Now both men have each other. Hmmm...

Ricko grabs the real Stevie Franchise in the fourth, followed by The Admiral in the 5th. Nice pick this deep, but the pressure will be on David to prove that he has the steel to play in THIS league.

Question: Can Larry Bird learn to live with Nash controlling the ball as much as he does? Can Kobe? There will be some adjustments (sorry Kobe, but I don't think they'll run the triangle here), but it will come down to two factors:
1. Can Robinson and Hayes bang enough when they need to? Maybe.
2. Can  Kobe and The Big E keep from slugging each other in the locker room?

Probably not.
You also have two very good defenders in Kobe and Robinson, and three guys who can get torched. Hell, Bird and Nash couldn't guard ME - and I can't go to my left very well...This team may want to play some zone now and then...


GR8ONE54 - Bill Walton, Dwayne Wade, Reggie Miller, Dominique Wilkins, Wilt Chamberlain, Bob Cousy, Scottie Pippen

The NBA's answer to Gale Sayers gets nabbed by GR8. Bob Ryan once said that if he had to play one basketball game for planetary supremacy, he'd pick Bill Walton, even over Bill Russell. (Ryan was always prone to bouts of irrationality.)

Trouble is, Walton would probably trip over the foul line, break a bone, and I'd have to learn to speak Klingon-ese.

Having said that, Walton is a great pick here. He would HAVE to start at power forward next to Wilt, and could take care of any dirty work that Wilt couldn't do. Interior defense just got a major upgrade. D-Wade is pretty good value here despite his youth. He'd have to upgrade his defense, and this team only has Reggie Miller as a proven consistent 3 point threat. But Wade is already a transcendant talent.

Reggie Miller?

Ahead of Elgin Baylor (who could play the 3 or the 4)? Ahead of Scottie Pippen for that matter? Ahead of Rick Barry (who you could put at the two)? I realize character concerns (or was it the salary cap?) that probably caused some guys to drop pretty far, but

 [my inner Stephen A....is...fighting...to ...get ...out]

THAT IS UN-ACCEPTABLE! THIS WAS NOT A GOOD PICK!

Sorry.

Reggie is a great jumper shooter who stopped driving to the basket in the late 80s and couldn't lock down his sister Cheryl on defense. Nice niche player. And he'll may double-teams pay. He'd better. Now this was followed with the incredibly underrated Human Highlight Film. Of course, he plays the same position as Pippen. It is possible we may see a team that has Wilt dominate the glass and kicks it out to Cousy who feeds Pippen and Wilkins for some Posterizing/YouTubing of some poor schmoe... but there is still a hole at PF, and Miller is the only truly consistent outside shooter.

                     

Hoffman - David Skywalker, Chris "Moon" Mullin, James "He's Not" Worthy, Earl "The Pearl" Monroe, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Hakeem "The Dream" Olajuwon, Isiah Thomas

Somebody at The Barbershop asked me once who was better at 23 - Kobe or MJ? My answer was David Thompson. I got some looks, to put it nicely. But anyone who saw Thompson his first 4-5 years knows what I'm talking about. He was Jordan before Jordan. MJ was taller, but Thompson had a better jumper. Wow. Chirs Mullin will drop that lefty J from the deep corners all night to open the middle for the Muslim Connection inside. Slow afoot? Perhaps, but one slower guy can be compensated for considering the defense they have inside. I wonder how much offense would the two big men give up to allow Thomas, Thompson, and Monroe to take it to the rack?

Questions to the GM: Who starts with Thomas, Thompson or Monroe? How do you plan to funnel the offense, through Kareem or Hakeem?

Big Game James takes over at the three to swoop to the basket, play nasty wing defense, and stick the mid-range jumper. It helps that he played with Kareem. Isiah will be glad to be on the same side as a guy who put up 36-10-10 in a Game 7 against his Pistons.

Having said all of these nice things, I think Worthy could have been had a few picks later. Barry or Baylor would have been better picks at this spot - Barry because of his phenomenal range, and Baylor because he could do everything Worthy could, and was a better rebounder. 

The 5th round featured a mild surprise with the selection of Black Jesus. Kareem loved him from the Rucker Park days, and probably influenced this pick. Isiah had better not try to pull a Dantley on The Pearl and get him traded. Besides, Earl showed that he could blend his Divine Game with Clyde Frazier, a mature Thomas will be looking forward to this.

Alas, this backcourt can be exploited somewhat on defense. And 3 point shooting may be questionable.


AK47Spiderman - George "99" Mikan, Dikembe Mutumbo, Bob Pettit , Charles Barkley, Oscar Robinson, Julius Erving, John Havlicek

I have to have a soft spot for the first great pivot man in NBA history. I assume we can pass Mikan through a processor that would upgrade him to play in the 21st century? Mikan did not adjust well to the shot clock in 1955 - what happens in 2007? I'll tell you, you have a poor man's Illgasukas. He takes up room, will block shots, and can play physical. So can Deke. A great defender in his prime, I still think he takes a back seat to Willis Reed or Artis Gilmore. Heck, I'd even consider Zelmo Beatty, Bob Lanier, or Dave Cowins. None of them were quite as good on D, but all of them could score and board.

Question to the GM - Why two slow centers?

This team had some major issues on the front line, and clearly drafted solidly for need. Pettit the first great power forward in the league, could also play some center (but not for long against some of these front lines!), Bob will draw fouls and clear the glass (he, Lucas and Wilt are the only players to average 20-20 for a season). Then the next pick was Sir Charles...now there were fewer more awe-inspiring sites than The Breadtruck in his prime on the break going coast to coast...yes, especially impressive in those little shorts.

But AK drafted TWO power forwards? Or is that 3 small forwards? Or do I count Barkley 1.5 times? If AK47 really wants to channel Don Nelson and play smallball, you put Pettit at C, Barkley at the 4. But we're now talking a front line that is 6-7, 6-4, and 6-9. Lord help you in a half-court game. Wilt won't... :-)

Best Value Picks - Thompson, Walton, Mullin, Lucas

OK Value Pick - Mikan, Archibald

HUH?! Pick - Bowen, Mutumbo, Ewing

(Some Of The) Best players on still on board: Dennis Rodman,  Bob McAdoo, Dave Bing, Sidney Moncrief, Alvin Robinson, Dirk Nowitski, Gus Johnson, Dolph Schayes

Continuing our live coverage from G-Central, David Stern and Larry O'Brien have taken turns stepping to the stage and announcing draft picks.

Let's take a look at how each team has done, through the 3rd round (2nd and 3rd round picks are bold-faced):

xphoenix87 - Michael Jordan, Moses Malone, John Stockton

Alrightly then...after picking Be Like, Phoenix pairs His Airness with the ground-bound Ultimate Blue Collar force in Moses Malone. Imagine the second shot ops with Mo working underneath. After years of Medical Bill Cartwright and Luc Longley, Jordan has to be salivating over a guy like Moses (who could also pound Jordan into the floor if he tried some of his intimdation tactics). In the 3rd, John Stockton gives this team the purest of point guards, but he still needs a pick and roll buddy. Got to love the backcourt defense on this team.

dehbashi -Tim Duncan, Nate Thurmond, Clyde Drexler

His first pick put Stephen A.'s blood pressure at 460/290. As nice as Timmy D is, do you take him with Kareem and Wilt on the board? In the second, dehbashi makes Bill Walton's thighs shudder with Nate The Great. Arguably the best defensive center other than Russell, and a decent - but not great offensive player. Defensively, Thurmond and Duncan can wreak havoc with the best of them. In the 3rd the name Clyde Drexler draws derisive cheers as a perimeter offensive player is picked. Clyde is wonderful in the open court, but the jumper is somewhat shaky. Still the shot of offense and flash is welcome. Now, when will we see some scoring?

joshQpublic - Bill Russell, Jerry West, Kevin McHale

Russell was always an admirer of Mr. Clutch, and now gets to play with a guard greater than Cousy or Sam Jones. Nice steal of a pick here. Low-post scoring was addressed with the addition of Lurch himself, The Human Coat-Hanger, Kevin McHale. His variety of  low-post moves will be welcome, and again, some serious low-post D in effect.  Of course his peak value was great, but his durability is in question. So far, nice balance...

genez13 - Magic Johnson, Shaq, Karl Malone

Somebody knew what they were doing. Genez gets Magic, then is still able to get The Diesel in the second round, and then a younger Mailman to run the floor with Magic. Not even Charlie Rosen can knock this pick. No clutch woes for Karl here. You have to wonder if Shaq can run with Magic over 82 games, but there is plenty of muscle on this crew.

ricko - Larry Bird, Kobe Bryant, Elvin Hayes

Huh... Ricko passes on Shaq to take Kobe. Kobe is smiling, Shaq promises revenge. I don't think Elvin Hayes is the defensive answer to Shaq. And a locker room with Kobe and Elvin will be...hmm..interesting. This team is set on the wings if Kobe stays at the 3. Or maybe you have a Hayes and Bird tandem at forward. We're still short a Big Man. And some Prosazc.

GR8ONE54 - Wilt Chamberlain, Bob Cousy, Scottie Pippen

For most of Wilt's career, he played with guys who couldn't match his incredible level. Now it will happen again in fantasy land. BOB COUSY OVER JERRY WEST AND KOBE BRYANT? Feeding The Dip is imporant, but this was a reach pick. Heck, forget reach - a brother could separate a shoulder making this pick. Jerry West makes much more sense here. Not a 38% career shooter at PG. Heck, take John Stockton (who WIlt has always liked for his no frills efficiency. Not to mention that Cooz could get torched on D. In the 3rd GR8 nabbs Scottie Pippen, who can play the point forward and provide stout wing defense. But he isn't a pure shooter, and can be roughed up.

Hoffman - Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Hakeem "The Dream" Olajuwon, Isiah Thomas

Yet another nasty Twin Towers in the making here. Hakeem will take some of the physical role that Kareem isn't always comfortable doing. Unbelievable offensive agility in the low blocks. Plenty of weakside blocked shots here too, and Hakeem will run the floor. I asked earlier, "Who will Hoff get to feed Kareem?" Ask no more. Isiah at this point is an absolute steal. Able to run, play the halfcourt game, shoot...amazing that Stockton and Cousy went ahead of this guy. Great pick!

AK47Spiderman - Oscar Robinson, Julius Erving, John Havlicek

This doughnut is almost complete. The Big O gets teamed with The Doctor, and believe me, if this is the ABA Erving, LOOK OUT. Able to play the 3 or the 4, the greatest finisher in league history will love playing with O - and vice versa. Hondo will split time between the 2 and 3 slots. But where O where are the big men!?Pettit is a pretty good value at power forward, and can play center if need be. But this team may have some half court problems against the bigger teams.

Best Value Picks - Julius Erving, Isiah Thomas, Hakeem

OK Value Pick - Scottie Pippen

HUH?! Pick - Cousy

Best player on still on board: Elgin Baylor

Over in the "Ramblings Of A Sports Nerd Blog", we have the Ultimate Fantasy Draft taking place, where the greatest players in NBA history can be drafted. Which owner will be Red Aurebach? Which owner will be Ted Stepien?

I've decided to channel Mel Kiper and Stephen A. Smith and give you

ULTIMATE NBA FANTASY DRAFT ANALYSIS

Let's get this party started right away:

FIRST ROUND:

xphoenix87 - Michael Jordan.

Upside babybee!  Live body, great at slashing to the hole, strong finisher. Deadly in the clutch...but don't you build titleson pivot men?

dehbashi -Tim Duncan

HUH?! with all of the talent on the board? At center alone, we have Wilt, Russell, Jabbar, Hakeem, Shaq...and dehbashi takes The Big Fundamental? What gives? Me and the fellas here at G-Report Central just don't get this one. You have 5 Top-50 big men, and he takes a healthy Sam Bowie?

joshQpublic - Bill Russell

The best defensive center in the history of the game goes off the board. Undefeated in Game 7's (10-0).  "He couldn't hit a bull in the ass" as Tom Heinsohn fondly recalled to me. Very good passer and playmaker from the post, and the defense and rebounding seem to be there. Now, he'll need some offense.

genez13 - Magic Johnson

Interesting pick here. The only player on the board who could play all five positions, clearly we're looking at the triggerman for an explosive running game. Can score from almost anywhere, never misses an open man. Not as much a force on D, but no one will notice. We need to see who is paired with the Magic Man.

ricko - Larry Bird

Larry Legend can hit the 3, bang inside, pass as well as a point, and get you 10 boards a night. Probably the second best clutch shooter after Jordan. This pick will play great in New England.

GR8ONE54 - Wilt Chamberlain

Who thought that the Big Dipper would free-fall to 6? Seven time scoring champion, 11 time rebounding champ, and even led the league in dimes one year. Can play a devastating defense as well. Oh, his foul shooting stinks. Be ready for Hack-A-Wilt. Great value pick at 6. (Yes, I'm using value pick in the 1st round.)

Hoffman - Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

Captain Skyhook takes care of the post scoring and defense. Rebounding may be an issue. Who will Hoff get to feed Kareem?

AK47Spiderman - Oscar Robinson

The Big O is Magic before Magic. Better scorer, strong leader. AK follows this up with The Doctor. This will be the best fastbreak on the planet with O as the trigger, and Doc finishing. But who gets the ballboards?

The Jeopardy Answer Of The Day is... "Whoopy Dee Damn Do." - Derrick Coleman

The Question?

What is "Hey, Paris Hilton was released yesterday!"? DING!

--------------------------

Every damn June, I tune into the NBA Draft and get reminded how I'm making money the hard way.

I mean, people get PAID to draft J. J. Reddick 11th overall....what is that [insert profane gerund here] GM thinking about? There are few certainities, but here is one: There is some genius who will pass on a Josh Howard to take a Brian Cook. (Yeah, I'm still ticked about that one.) 
 
You get the idea. NBA drafting isn't rocket science. (Yes, I know something about rocket science - this ain't it.) Yet, almost every year, at least 2 or 3 GMs fall on their face. You could spend the next hour reading technical reasons - and NBA sabermetrics are still dicey. But in a nutshell?

No one uses their common sense. If GMs did, the (L)eastern Conference wouldn't get their heads handed to them every year by the West. Then again, the draft wouldn't be half as much fun.

Anyhow, here are some Drafting For Dummies tips for all of you:

• Upside is wonderful for dating a significant other. If she's 35, no kids, a tight body and can tie a cherry stem into a knot with her tongue - she has mad upside.

Alas, upside does NOT work very well with most NBA players. Look for at least five players to be drafted higher than they ought to be because of "upside". Expect one of them - if we're all lucky - to work out. (See DeSanger Diop, Rodney White, etc) If you hear "upside" attached to a player, odds are that he'll either be a 9th or 10th man 4 years from now, or he'll find some game with a different team.

• The NBA Draft makes men sound, uh, less "manly" than they ought to be. You'll hear Jay Bilas or Hubie Brown talk about a prospect being "long" and having a "great body", the same way Peter Graves asked little Robbie if he had ever seen a grown man naked in "Airplane!" All that's missing is some oiled male torsi... Put away your copy of "Roadhouse" and "Top Gun" - it just so happens that there are only so many ways to talk about the potential athleticism of a NBA prospect without having a Brokeback Moment.

But seriously, does Bilas watch gladiator movies? Heh heh heh...

• If you are a GM, and the opportunity presents itself to draft a center - if the center in question is not being compared to an All-Star - PASS. This especially applies to 1) Slow, white American-born college centers and, 2) centers with very difficult to pronounce names (such as Mouhamed Saer Sene). For a while, it seemed that any brother from The Motherland (that's African for the hip-imparied) over 6-10 was being drafted in case they turned into the next Dikembe or Hakeem.

We're still waiting. This year, it will be Spencer Hawes.

• Avoid drafting a player who played poorly against lesser players with better athleticism, especially guards who lived to shoot against zones (see Reddick, J.J., Drew, Bryce). It doesn't get much easier in the NBA ya know. The average player may be poor in the basics, but I'll bet my Tony Parker bachelor party tickets that he's an good "at-uh-lete", as we say in the South.
• By the way, a good GM should look for a guy who played well at the best conferences. (See Howard and Chris Paul.) Production does count you know.
• Avoid players who set the cruise control in college despite prodding. Tim Thomas is the poster boy here for living heart donors. He was a Poster Boy in college. Surprise! He's a pro Poster Boy too.
• And to think, Tim had such upside. He was long...and a "live" body...I wish I could quit him. 
• This one is real important: If a very good player fills a big need - take him. Simple. The Atlanta hawks needed a point guard. They passed on Deron Williams and Chris Paul, to take Marvin Williams. Marvin was such a stud that Atlanta is now looking at Al Horford who plays... the SAME POSITION!

Funny thing is, Atlanta is looking like the Detroit Lions. Every year the Lions passed on other needs to take a wideout. Finally, they HAD to take a wide receiver this year, because Calvin Johnson was too damned good to pass on, no matter what their other needs were.. Same thing will probably happen this year with the Hawks. And it will be the right move...and Mike Conley will haunt the Hawks for the next decade.

OK...now that you are primed on what to look for, here is WHO to look for. No fancy ratings, simple. Best case and worst case. Don't ya love it when I keep it simple?

The G-Report Player Ratings:

Greg Oden - Ohio State
Hope: That he is the next Bill Russell. Or at least Ben Wallace Squared - with some offense.
Fear: That his wrist has the karma of Grant Hill's ankle.

Kevin Durant - Texas
Hope: He's Kevin Garnett with handle.
Fear: He steps into an open manhole.

Mike Conley Jr. - Ohio State
Hope: He's Mo Cheeks and Mike Bibby, but much quicker.
Fear: He's Jamal Tinsley, but much quicker.

Spencer Hawes - Washington
Hope: He's Bill Laimbeer or Vlade Divac.
Fear: He's Big Country Reeves

Al Horford - Florida
Hope: He's Karl Malone.
Fear: He's Tito Horford.

Yi Jianlian
Hope: He is the next Bob McAdoo.
Fear: He's the next Tim Thomas.

Jeff Green - Georgetown
Hope: He's Scotty Pippen, with some low-post game.
Fear: He never learns to shoot.

Joakim Noah - Florida
Hope: Noah is a young Paul Silas.
Fear: Noah is Mark Madsen with a ponytail.

Corey Brewer - Florida
Hope: He's another Scotty Pippen.
Fear: He's a poor man's Larry Hughes. You expect so much more.

Brandan Wright - North Carolina
Hope: That three years from now, Wright looks like Shawn Marion.
Fear: Three years from now, his nickname is "Brenda".

Acie Law - Texas A&M
Hope: Law becomes another Chauncey Billups one day.
Fear: Law is a not-so-Speedy Claxton.

Nick Young
Hope: Nick shoots it like Peja Stojakovic.
Fear: Remember John Salmons?

Julian Wright
Hope: He's a bigger, better Boris Diaw.
Fear: He forgets that taking over a game is not illegal.

Morris Almond - Rice U.
Hope: He is the next Ricky Pierce (It's a Rice thing.), or better, Michael Redd.
Fear: He's the next Steve Kerr.

Jared "From Subway" Dudley - Boston College
Hope: He develops into a poor man's Shane Battier.
Fear: The real Shane Battier isn't making anyone's All-Star team.

Nick Fazekas - Nevada
Hope: He's been likened to Keith Van Horn with a better inside game.
Fear: Anybody likened to Keith Van Horn isn't hitting on much.

Glen "Big Baby" Davis - LSU
Hope: He's a taller Charles Barkley who keep his weight down and his game up.
Fear:  Either he'll 1) Eat a teammate. or 2) He'll single-handedly cause the NBA to add food to their substance abuse list. 

Jarvis Crittenton - G-Tech
Hope: He can play the point like Reggie Theus
Fear: He plays the point like Earl Watson.