Today, the biggest sports story isn't the Final Four, the race in the Western Conference of the NBA, or even that a red-tailed hawk attacked a girl named Alex(a) Rodriguez at Fenway Park. No, the world is abuzz over David Beckham, who single-handedly won the MLS game for the Los Angeles Galaxy last night. He scored his first goal in the U.S., and by doing so, instantly ended the war in Iraq, as the troops and insurgents realized there are better things to do.

But wait, there's more. After the game, Beckham immediately went to work. He found a cure for Pakinson's disease, saved the reefs in Australia, and went to the moon in one fell bound! The entire world sang his praises, as this momentous occasion will go down with Lincoln's Gettysburg Address, the original moon landing, and the end of the Cold War as moments people will never forget!

Yes, all this BLEEP is made up. But after listening to SportsCenter last night and today, you'd think he did all those things. David Beckham did score his first goal with the Galaxy last night, and did have a hand in both Galaxy goals in a 2-0 win against San Jose (soccer is the only sport where a shutout is old hat and not worth mentioning). But to make it the lead story on SportsCenter is a blatent case of oversell.

I have made no secret that I don't like or watch soccer; the game is so structurely flawed (and thus boring) I can't sit through 30 seconds of it. I've reguarly panned it in this blog. So anytime Beckham's mentioned, I scream. I scream "What the BLEEP has he accomplished here?!?". Beckham is the ultimate opportunist; he scammed the Galaxy (and MLS) out of millions simply so he and Victoria could have a good time in L.A. with Tom Cruise and Co.

And there's the kicker (pun intended); he's not here to sell soccer to the masses (who, like me for the most part, have rejected it as a TV sport). No, he's here to sell himself to the American masses. The comparisions to Pele are easily made; who can forget the painful images of an aged Pele somewhere near New York? Beckham was used goods before he got to the Galaxy, and the logic of promoting him is as flawed as soccer's structure.

I think I know enough about soccer to say that one guy can't really stand out as an actual key player (unless he's a goalie). There's too much real estate and players to stand out. So the notion that Becks would make L.A. a respectable team was farfetched. I don't understand how he can still be front page news on ESPN or anywhere for that matter. The novelty was gone a long time ago.

The MLS isn't the NBA, where one guy (like Kobe, the real L.A. star) can (and usually does) win the game. Or the NFL, where, despite the team being supreme, talented guys can make the job of winning easier. Hell, the MLS isn't a major league! The competition is really in Europe, where Becks usually has his attention, anyway. And that's where he should end up.

So, in summation, I beg of all the sports networks, from the bottom of my heart...

STOP REPORTING ON DAVID BECKHAM!!!!

But, until that happens, the misery will continue...

Beckham was at his best today. He showed up at a Clippers practice, and was so impressive, Donald Sterling gave him a 10-day contract (plus, Beckham had to agree to play a soccer game at Staples for Sterling for free). In his debut against the Lakers, of all coincidences, he scored 60 points as the Clips shocked the Lakers.

After that, he hopped down to Dodger Stadium, where he was forced to sub for James Loney at 1st base. He hit three towering home runs as L.A. won easily. He then rushed back to Staples to play for the Kings, and socred 5 goals and 4 assists. Finally, he went to the Govenator himself, and with him, negotiated the move of the Chargers to L.A., giving the city it's first NFL team since 1994. And to top it all off, he signed up to play QB.

What a guy!

What a load of BLEEP!