How did Roger Clemens do in his '60 Minutes' interview aired last Sunday night? Dead on arrival.

I was worried about Mike Wallace tossing softballs at Roger Clemens. This seemed to happen.

Some people would say that Clemens looked uncomfortable. I don't think that's accurate. He looked like a guy who was trying to prevent himself from spitting out the answer before the question was asked. He looked like a hitter who somehow knew exactly where and what the next pitch was going to be.

This is the reason that a guy like Steve Kroft would have been a far better choice. Clemens controlled the entire interview and Wallace let him get away with it. Judging from the interview, it seemed that Clemens was provided with the questions ahead of time. That's why Clemens had supposed copies of emails to him by Brian McNamee four days before the Mitchell Report was made public. Those emails supposedly asked Clemens to borrow some fishing gear. And for many people, they had exactly the effect that Clemens and his attorney wanted: to portray McNamee as a sleazebag.

At times Clemens seemed very credible. Part of the problem is that he has a classic problem of age: ptosis (drooping eyelids). Ptosis has a way of making a lot of people look less than truthful. But interspersed between his moments of credibility were a lot of moments that just didn't ring true.

Here are some of them:

1) Wallace asked Clemens about not appearing before the Mitchell Committee when invited. Clemens said that he was advised by his lawyers not to do it, and then he said, "If I had known what was in the report, I would have been down there in a heartbeat."

Sorry, but that explanation seems flimsy. Why would he be told not to go there? Sen. Mitchell was clear that he contacted Clemens and others named in the report to give them a chance to respond to allegations against them. For Clemens to say that he didn't know the purpose of the meeting is a lie.

Also, maybe I'm idealistic, but if Clemens had nothing to hide, then why decline the opportunity to meet with the Mitchell Committee? One possible explanation is that Clemens was advised by his lawyer that if he met the Mitchell Committee, it would have been leaked to the media, but if he didn't go then maybe Mitchell would not include the allegations in his final report. If that's the case, it was a gamble, and Clemens lost big-time.

"If I had known what was in the report, I would have been down there in a heartbeat." How does this explain the fact that Clemens waited a full five days after the Mitchell Report appeared to defend himself? Here's the problem: if that happened to any of us, we would be screaming as loudly as possible about 2 minutes afterwards. It just rings hollow.

 

2)  McNamee injected him with lidocaine and Vitamin B12 for joint pain.

On a previous post a few days ago, I said that this should be a central part of the interview by Wallace. It wasn't. Maybe it's because Wallace doesn't know enough about lidocaine and Vitamin B12 to ask the right questions. I guess that also means that he didn't read my blog here. Heavy sigh...

What really should have happened is that Mike Wallace should have had a knowledgeable doctor at the interview to ask Clemens a few pointed medical questions. That most likely didn't happen because '60 Minutes' does not have its reporters conducting interviews with a third-party specialist present.

But if the goal was credibility, Wallace should have told Clemens that the interview would be taped in 2 days. The first day would be devoted to hearing Clemens describe/justify things, and the second day would occur after a doctor had gone over Clemens's responses to Wallace's questions.

The problem is this: lidocaine and Vitamin B12 may not have been illegal according to MLB's rules, but lidocaine and injected Vitamin B12 require a valid prescription from a doctor. Who gave Clemens those prescriptions?  Clemens opened the door for this line of questioning.

Also, his reasons for using them are questionable. Injecting lidocaine into your butt to help you with joint pain? Which joint? His hip joint? Using lidocaine for systemic (whole-body) joint relief is not common medical practice. And even in cases where it has been used, the deltoid muscle of the shoulder (he could have used his non-pitching one) is a far safer place to inject it. If he had joint pain in his knees or shoulders, then the use of lidocaine seems like a very odd choice.

As for Vitamin B12, yes, there are people who think that it helps them, and there are also a lot of medical professionals who feel that Vitamin B12 deficiency might be more common than is reported. But they suspect it to be more widespread in the elderly population who might not be ingesting a lot of food (mostly meat and dairy) containing Vitamin B12. But Vitamin B12 deficiency in a younger guy like Clemens who has been known to eat a hearty steak every now and then would not even be on a doctor's radar screen unless Clemens was a raging alcoholic or he heavily used acid-blocking medication such as histamine H2-receptor blokers or proton pump inhibitors.

If Clemens was really in one of these categories, then he should just say that he has a medical condition and provide the evidence to Major League Baseball. Otherwise, he's just substituted one possible federal crime with another.

 

3) Toradol (ketorolac)

Clemens brought up his use of Toradol in the interview. Toradol is a non-steroidal antiinflammatory, antipyretic and a pain medicine. It's very effective. But according to his interview, he was using both lidocaine and Toradol?

I'm sure that no team doctor or other licensed doctor would have written Clemens a prescription for lidocaine because of its risk of central nervous system effects even at low doses (tremors, dizziness, blurred vision, seizures, etc.) and negative effects on a person's heart and blood vessels at higher doses (sedation, decreasing your drive to breath, stopping your heart, etc.). It's just not the kind of symptoms you'd want any guy - especially a pitcher - to have.

 

4) "I was eating Vioxx like Skittles"

When I hear an argument like this and Clemens then blaming people who gave him Vioxx and talking about how he might have heart damage from it, I think of one word: smokescreen.

Clemens decided to play, even when his body was screaming at him to stop. If you want to talk about steroids giving people an edge, then you have to also include things like Vioxx and Toradol. At least with steroids the user has to put in some effort to get results from the drug, but Vioxx and Toradol don't even require that kind of effort. They just have to be placed in a person's body.

Introducing Vioxx was a major indication that Clemens was trying to drum up sympathy and possibly to deflect Mike Wallace from focusing on the lidocaine and Vitamin B12, because I'd bet a lot of money that if Wallace had asked Clemens for the names of the doctors who prescribed and injected the lidocaine and Vitamin B12, Clemens would have been tongue-tied.

 

5) "I didn't play to get fame or go to the Hall of Fame."

Roger, do you really expect us to believe that? It's a good thing you weren't hooked up to the polygraph (lie detector machine), because you may have caused the stylus to fly right off the paper.

 

6) "If I was using steroids, then why didn't I break down earlier? Steroids turn your tendons to dust."

This is deception and an attempt to prove his innocence by appealing to the general public's ignorance about anabolic steroids. Brian McNamee specifically told Sen. Mitchell's group that he had injected Clemens with Winstrol (Stanozolol). This is an important detail.

The use of an anabolic steroid like natural testosterone has been reported in animal studies to result in stiffer tendons and a higher failure rate compared to control animals who were not injected with testosterone. Other anabolic steroids are associated not with weakening tendons, but rather with increasing strength of the muscles attached to them to the point of mechanical overload which leads to failure/destruction of the tendon. However Winstrol, a synthetic anabolic steroid, actually has been shown to induce changes that strengthen (not weaken) tendons and ligaments. That is why it is one of the anabolic steroids of choice for athletes.

 

7)  "If I was injecting with steroids and HGH, then how would I get the needles?"

Answer: you'd get them the same way that you got the syringes and needles for your seemingly illegal lidocaine and Vitamin B12 shots.

 

8) "Why would I want to do things (steroids) that would limit my flexibility?"

This is again an attempt to try and play on the stereotypes of anabolic steroids. Anabolic steroids taken regularly for long periods of time have the possibility of making someone "muscle-bound". But using lower doses of steroids could reduce muscle breakdown without necessarily causing incredible increases in muscle mass.

This brings me to another criticism. Why did '60 Minutes' not dig up photos of Clemens during different stages of his career? Regardless of whether or not they show a difference, I think that for any other athlete in this situation in this situation, showing a progression of pictures would have been the norm.

 

9) "You'd think that after 24 years, people would give me the benefit of the doubt."

Roger, your record over that 24 years and the interesting surges of excellence as you got older is exactly the reason that people suspect you in the first place. You should know that.

 

After watching the Clemens interview, I realized why lawyers always tell their clients to shut their mouths: because people who lie tend to tell more lies to cover the previous lies, and eventually people realize that it just doesn't sound right.

There are a couple of things that Clemens said which were credible:

1) Clemens said, "The higher you get up on the flagpole, the more your butt shows."

I'm sure that even Clemens head lawyer Rusty Hardin had to wince at that comment. For a guy who's been accused of dropping his pants and getting injected with steroids and HGH in the butt, it was an incredibly poor choice of words.

But there is a lot of truth to it. People are jealous. That's why it's lonely at the top. That's also why people in high places have to make sure that they rigorously screen those around them.

 

2) His comments about taking a polygraph test.

A lot of people would say that Clemens did not clearly answer the question about whether or not he would take a polygraph test.

If he has misgivings about doing it, he's well within his rights. The test is not perfect, and he really has nothing to gain by taking it. If he takes it and passes it, then his critics will say, "That's just part of Clemens's pathologic lying personality. He'd probably be able to say that his name is not Roger Clemens and still pass it."

I think that for a guy with a strong resolve, tons of incentives to pass the test, lots of money to hire "coaches", and the proven ability to be cool under pressure makes Clemens fits the ideal profile of someone who could beat the test. 

Some of you have already gone to YouTube and seen Roger Clemens posted video. You may also have seen the clips of his upcoming '60 Minutes' interview. If I thought Clemens looked guilty before, he really looks guilty in the brief snippets from the '60 Minutes' interview. Roger, didn't your attorney Dusty Hardin tell you not to blink at the very moment you are trying to "tell the truth"? Didn't he tell you not to take your eyes off the interviewer at that same moment?

Certain things have already been leaked, such as Clemens saying that the injections were lidocaine (an anesthetic) and Vitamin B12. So, for those of you who will watch the interview, here are a few questions that you should see if Clemens answers clearly, because these are questions which licensed doctors advising MLB about Clemens veracity (or lack thereof) will be looking for:

1)   Did Brian McNamee ever inject Clemens with steroids or anything else? Clemens denies this on his YouTube bit, but he seems to be saying something different on the clip I saw of his '60 Minutes' interview. Such a contradiction of this kind of major item could completely destroy his credibility. Also, he needs to be careful because McNamee may be holding a trump card: Roger may have some sort of very small identifying mark on his buttocks which only someone looking very closely could see. If Clemens has such a mark, denies that McNamee ever gave him gluteal injections for anything, and McNamee correctly describes the mark, then its game over for Clemens.

2)   Did Clemens ever have dermabrasion of his butt or any other plastic surgery in recent years (i.e. within the past month) to erase identifying marks.

3)   For what condition has Clemens been using lidocaine injections into his butt? This is not a common practice these days due to the side effects of lidocaine injected this way. Maybe he needed it because he strained his gluteus maximus or minimus while squatting?

4)   Lidocaine is a Class VI drug. This means that he needed a prescription to use it. Does he have proof that he had legal prescriptions for this? And if so, who prescribed it and who was injecting him with it? Only a trained medical professional should be doing that because of the risk of damaging the sciatic nerve. For more systemic anesthesia, a far safer and more efficacious place to inject it would have been into the deltoid muscle of his non-pitching arm.

5)  Vitamin B12 injections are also only legally available with a prescription (the oral form at lower doses does not require a prescription). Does he have legal prescriptions for this? And again who was injecting him? Where was he getting injected? Unless he had clearly diagnosed Vitamin B12 deficiency as revealed through a blood test, there is not a single responsible medical doctor who would inject him with it. Maybe he has pernicious anemia, maybe he has a gut malabsorption problem. If he wants to save himself, he has to reveal this, because otherwise his use of injected Vitamin B12 looks illegal according to federal law.

6)  Has he ever been prescribed any of these things by an online dentist?

The last thing which is extremely ominous in Clemens situation is that Joe Torre, as loyal a guy as there is to his players, refuses to stand up for Clemens. If Torre really felt in his heart that Clemens was innocent, don't you think that he'd be the first baseball person to stand by Clemens's side? There's only one logical reason why Torre would not support Clemens: he knows or strongly suspects that Clemens is not telling the truth and he doesn't want to be part of the lie.

There is a large part of me that wants Roger Clemens to be innocent, but so far his explanation is only marginally more believable than the story that Indians pitcher Paul Byrd told the public about his "legal" HGH use. And trust me, that story made absolutely no sense to anyone in medicine.

In the end, no one may ever be able to prove that Roger actually did steroids or other PEDs, but unless he can come up with some really good and documented medical problems on the '60 Minutes' interview, his reputation will most likely be damaged forever.

Has anyone seen the show "Sports Science"? The premise of it is interesting: try to give a scientific explanation for things that happen in sports.

Episode 3 featured Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger where they broke down different parts of his play. It was well done, and it's hard to watch it without being impressed. You want to see a big linebacker move quickly? Watch that episode and see how fast Luis Castillo gets to Big Ben. It takes Ben 1.5 seconds to do a 3-step drop and 1.2 seconds for Castillo to get off the line of scrimmage untouched and get to him. Truly impressive.

However, Episode 4 was crazy. The goal was to put some type of science into a cheap shot to the groin. This is a case of overkill, because all of us watching already knew in an instant what it would take science a bit longer to demonstrate: it's otherworldly painful.

So, they paid $50 to a 24-year old amateur stunt guy to stand in front of a tennis ball machine that spits out balls at 50 mph, and the goal was to let him get hit in the gonads. He was standing about 10 feet away from the machine. He also was not wearing a cup. The goal was to see how his pulse rate changed as he anticipated getting hit and then how fast his heart was beating immediately afterwards.

The results? Just prior to getting hit, his pulse moved from 72 beats per minute resting to 142, and then after he got hit, it raced to 182.

Right after he got hit, he couldn't stand up (for obvious reasons) and the paramedics had to help him.

Guys like him give other guys a bad name. How the heck are guys supposed to prove that they are an intelligent gender when someone like him volunteers to potentially destroy any chance of having future children? And all for a mere $50??????

For any of you who watched closely, can you tell me how the stunt guy cheated to make the demonstration genetically safer and less painful than it could have been for him? Trust me, if he had gotten hit dead center, he would have either passed out or started vomiting.

 

As for some of the other stuff in the show, they did a good piece on getting hit in the head with a major-league beanball: finding, it causes damage. They also compared someone getting hit in the face by another player swinging a hockey stick or a bat. Finding? Both cause damage but the bat is much worse by about 80-fold.

However, the scenarios for both hitting a person with a bat and a hockey stick were unrealistic. For the bat, the test dummy was stationary and the batter ended up swinging at the dummy's head like he was playing T-ball. I don't know a lot of MLB players who are going to just stand like a statue and get their faces bashed in by some bat-swinging maniac (refer to Jose Offerman in 2007).

The hockey stick blow to the face was also a bit incomplete as the guy applying the blow was completely stationary.  It also didn't account for the potentially concussive effects of the recipient as he falls and his head bounces off the ice.

Still, the show is interesting with a lot of cool graphics. Take a look at it if you have the chance.

 

Are we all strapped in for this weekend's blockbuster '60 Minutes' interview with Roger Clemens?

Leave it to Clemens to try and one-up the Patriots-Giants for most watched show ever. But he's going to fail because only one channel will cover the interview. Maybe he needs to hire Roger Goodell as a consultant to figure out how to get his interview simulcasted on all 3 major TV networks.

For those of you conspiracy theorists out there, if you thought that Senator Mitchell, a member of the Red Sox Board of Directors, had a conflict of interest in investigating suspected anabolic drug users, what about Mike Wallace from '60 Minutes' who will be conducting the interview and is an acknowledged friend of Clemens?

Here is my take on what the interview will be like:

 

["tick, tock, tick, tock..." sound of the '60 Minutes' intro]

Wallace: Now Roger, for the sake of disclosure, I should tell people that we are friends, but that this doesn't mean that I gave you the questions beforehand (nor does it exclude the possibility that one of my assistants gave it to you)

Clemens: Yes

Wallace:  You also know that some people think you're crazy for coming on this show for an interview that could be used against you. And you're also doing it without your head attorney Rusty Hardin present.

Clemens: Mike, a lot of people have their own opinions and I just want to come here and set the record straight. (and I also have a hidden micro-transceiver in my ear that has Rusty telling me exactly what to say).

Wallace:  How so?

Clemens:  Well, a lot of people accuse me of taking steroids and it's not true. It was flaxseed oil in the syringes. You know that flaxseed has that great omega-3 oil stuff in it which is a powerful anti-inflammatory agent. It's just like taking super Advil.

Wallace:  C'mon Roger, do you really expect America to believe that you were getting flaxseed injections? Why not just eat it orally?

Clemens:  Well, my online dentist told me that getting injections in the buttocks was better because if I take the flaxseed orally, then it could mix with my chewing tobacco and increase the rate that the nicotine surges into my blood. That could be really dangerous for my heart. You know that oils increase the absorption of stuff in your gut. And getting addicted to chewing tobacco is something which is just not right.

Wallace: That's nice Roger, but we're not here to talk about chewing tobacco.

Clemens: You're right about that Mike. We're here to talk about the dangers of addiction to our young people. I have a whole gaggle of sons, so I know. Their names all start with K (Kody, Koby, Kory, and Kacy) in honor of my 20-strikeout game against the Mariners while I was with the Red Sox. Ideally, I wanted to have 20 sons you know, but the little lady put the big kibosh on that plan after my fourth son was born. I told her that if I can pitch as long as I have with all the wear-and-tear, then the least she can do is give me 20 sons. But she's a stubborn little lady. I also tried to legally change the spelling of my last name to "Klemens" instead of "Clemens", because that was another way to honor myself. But then I was told that doing so would create a lot of confusion, kind of like if the U.S. switched from the "regular" measuring system to the metric one.

Wallace:  Okay Roger, but I still don't see the connection between this and your alleged steroid use.

Clemens: Well Mike, if we can't save our young sons and daughters from the horrors of addiction, then we're not doing our jobs as responsible parents. Ever see me get arrested for a DUI? Ever see me get put in the slammer for using cocaine or heroin? Addiction is not a major issue. It's THE issue.

Wallace:  Yes, I understand, but how about those steroid allegations?

Clemens:  Mike, let me tell you all about the dangers of long-term use of steroids like cortisone. Everyone knows that we baseball players get more cortisone injections in our short careers than we get rectal probings by our doctors in a lifetime. I had to qualify the doctor part there, because some people are into that kinky stuff, and I don't want to discriminate against them.

Wallace:   Roger, you know and I know that we're not talking about that kind of steroid use.

Clemens:   Exactly, the whole situation is so confusing. That's why we should stop looking to punish people and instead turn our focus to educating people.

Wallace:   Roger, can you tell me that you didn't use steroids during your career.

Clemens:   Mike, I never knowingly took anything called "steroids" (although that doesn't mean that I didn't take things called Winstrol or Stanazolol).

Wallace: So, you never saw any containers with something like Winstrol or Stanazolol written on it?

Clemens: (Damn, I was hoping he wasn't going to ask me that question, but no worries, Rusty prepped me good for this one). Actually Mike, I saw names on those vials, but I thought it said "propranolol" on them. You know I take that stuff because I get hyperexcited and my heart starts racing. Not a good situation for the old ticker, and by the way beta-blockers like propranolol are not banned and never have been banned by Major League Baseball.

Wallace:  Roger, what do you think of Sen. Mitchell's report?

Clemens:  I think Sen. Mitchell has done a lot of good things, but everyone makes mistakes.

Wallace:  So, you think your name being included 82 times in the Mitchell Report was a mistake?

Clemens:  Mike, you have the testimony of my former trainer Brian McNamee, and look at all the trouble he's in. You're going to take the word of a lowly criminal like him over a 7-time Cy Young winner like myself?

Wallace:  So, you believe that Sen. Mitchell's report was inaccurate?

Clemens: It's only one report based on a lot of hearsay against the vast majority of people named in it.

Wallace:  Well, what about Jason Grimsley's testimony that you used steroids.

Clemens: Oh, so now you're going to make some sort of statistical argument based on a sample size of 2?

Wallace: And how about Jose Canseco's book "Juiced"?

Clemens: Mike, did you actually read the book? Because I sure didn't. But my lawyer did. That's what I pay him the big bucks to do. Canseco's a joke and anyway he never accused me of using steroids. He just said that I have a lot of knowledge about them.

Wallace: What about Curt Schilling's challenge to you to exonerate yourself.

Clemens: Ah, yes. I feel bad about Curt. It's tough for a normal pitcher like him to go from throwing fastballs in the mid-90s to last season where he could only throw consistently in the mid-80s.  Mike, he's a bitter guy, and he probably resents older guys like me who can still throw consistently in the 90s.

Wallace: Well, what about his challenge to you to clear your name

Clemens: How? How can I prove that I didn't take that stuff? Can you prove that you didn't take steroids or HGH? How? Look, I'm a guy who likes my privacy. I'm not like those crazy camera-seeking people like Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian. The only way I could ever prove that I didn't do it is if I had a camera focused on my ass 24/7 for the past 20 years. It's ridiculous for me to try and prove that I didn't take it. Look, the important thing is not to hate Curt Schilling for making such an idiotic challenge. Instead, we should feel sorry for him, because his career is obviously winding down, and we should encourage him to get some professional psychiatric help to deal with his difficulty.

Wallace: Roger, the issue is not Curt Schilling's challenge that you prove your innocence but rather the public's hope that you will exonerate yourself.  You are an American icon.

Roger:  I appreciate that Mike and you're an icon also. Mike, the American public deserves more than just a bunch of convicts going around and cutting deals to try and save themselves or other jealous people looking to put down those of us who work hard and achieve a lot. In fact, that kind of behavior is wholly anti-American. People hate us just because we are powerful and use our military might to help a lot of less fortunate people in Iraq, Afghanistan, Korea, Crotia, and a whole host of other countries. But every American should stand united against these jerks who are trying to destroy the names of good hard-working Americans like myself.

Wallace:  How about human growth hormone?

Clemens: Mike, human growth hormone is a naturally occurring substance. A lot of misinformed people out there think that it's like steroids. It isn't. It's a polypeptide.

Wallace:  Well, have you ever taken it?

Clemens:  Taken it? I produce a ton of it naturally. Some people are trying to make this naturally produced hormone seem evil. Ask any little person if they think human growth hormone is bad.

Wallace:  So, you've never taken it.

Clemens:  Mike, you're talking about an ALL-NATURAL normal hormone that we produce. If you're going to arrest me because my body naturally makes it, then you'd have to arrest just about everyone in America, because we all naturally make it. Remember it's All-natural. So, the answer is No, I've never taken this all-natural human growth hormone before (of course that doesn't also include taking synthetic human growth hormone).

Wallace:  Roger, many people in Major League Baseball and a lot of sports people say that there have been whispers about you and steroids for an awfully long time. Why do you think that is?

Clemens: Jealousy. Just because I have great genetics which allows me to excel at a time when most people are winding down, they are jealous.

Wallace: Well Roger, you do have to admit that your record is kind of amazing. At age 34, a time well past when many major league pitchers lose some velocity on their fastball and their statistics get worse, yours actually got better. Your earned run average went from 4.18 and 3.63 in the two seasons prior to the 1997 season to 2.05 and 2.65 in 1997 and 1998 respectively when you moved to Toronto, and they also occurred at a time where the ball was considered "livelier".

Clemens: Look Mike, when you're a power pitcher like myself, it doesn't matter if the ball is alive or dead, because in either case, the batters can't hit what they can't catch up to. Also, you can just ask my friend UltraMega on the Fox Sports Blog Site who will argue that ERA is a completely useless number and that things like WHIP are far more telling stats. And just so you don't think that I'm into that sado-masochism stuff, WHIP stands for "walks-hits per inning pitched".

Wallace: Well, Roger, your WHIP for those two seasons was a phenomenal 1.03 and 1.095, and wasn't the average something around 1.3 or 1.4 at that time?

Clemens: Well, again you're going to jump to conclusions based on a sample size of 2?

Wallace: Well, actually, it's a sample size of 67 games that you appeared in during those two seasons. And what about your three years with Houston when you had amazing ERAs and WHIPs (2.98/1.157, 1.87/1.008, and 2.3/1.041)? You were 41, 42, and 43 years old during that time. 

Clemens: Whatever. The most important thing is that a lot of people out there pay a lot of lip service to the saying that "men are like a fine wine, we get better with age". We do. So, why can't people just understand that I worked hard? Can't Americans understand that petty and jealous people are trying to unfairly take me down?

Wallace: That's entirely possible, but I think America is wondering where Roger Clemens goes from here?

Clemens: Well, I'm relaxing now, and it's probably best if I retire now because I am 44, and if I play next season then I can't retire at the end of that season because I have this thing about not wanting to retire after any number of years which is divisible by 5.

Wallace: Huh?

Clemens: In any event, I think it's fate. I have 4 sons, so retiring at age 44 seems appropriate. Also Brian McNamee and Kirk Radomski's names have four syllables. So, it's all kind of cyclical.

Wallace: Uh, roger, "Brian McNamee" has 5 syllables in it.

Clemens: Not the way we pronounce it in the Texas.

Wallace: So, what will you do if evidence appears that proves you guilty?

Clemens: Mike, I'm as careful about my health and everything associated with it as I am with my pitching. Show me one solid shred of evidence. Actually, I'm sorry, I said that wrong. Let me try again. Show me one whole document worth of evidence. See, you can't, so I'm innocent.

Wallace: You know that people are thinking, "If Roger Clemens is innocent, then why did he wait 5 days after the Mitchell Report was issued to deny the accusations of steroid use?" What do you want to tell those people?

Clemens: Mike, I'm a competitor and I'm passionate. I wanted to say something immediately, but I was afraid that people listening would mistake my passion for rage and then think that I was having an episode of 'roids rage. So, I waited. The other thing is that I thought no logical person would believe that I would take that stuff. You've seen me workout, and you know that no other pitcher has the work ethic that I have. So, part of me thought it wouldn't be necessary to do it. But then after things kept going, I was going to talk on the 4th day after the Mitchell Report came out. But you know I'm trying some of that Chinese Buddhist meditation stuff to get more centered and put myself more in the center of the universe, and I don't know how many of you know it but the word for "4" sounds like the word for "death' in Chinese. That's why Chinese buildings don't have 4th floors. It's bad luck. So, I publicly denied things on the 5th day. Hey Mike, I'm a baseball player and we are some of the most superstitious people in the world. So, try and understand.

Wallace: So, you didn't wait because you were consulting with your lawyer Rusty Hardin and trying to find seemingly plausible excuses to pander off on the American public in an attempt to hide your use of these banned substances?

Clemens: No way. Rusty advised me not to speak immediately, because he knows how passionate I become about things. And he said that it's better to speak after being better informed about things. But we aren't trying to hide anything. In fact, Rusty's out there right now trying to find the people who killed my reputation.

Wallace:  Are you friends with O.J. Simpson?

Clemens:  We play golf together every once in a while. You know he's remarkably agile and has a really great short game for a guy who has such terrible arthritis that he couldn't hold a knife to kill his girlfriend. He's really a testament to mind over matter. And the thing is that he's a very generous guy who's given me all sorts of tips recently on how to handle things.

Wallace: What kind of tips?

Clemens:  You know, the kind of tips that famous guys give each other to stay on top. Hehehe.  You know, they didn't nickname him "Juice" for nothing.

Wallace: Do you mind sharing some of the tips he gave you?

Clemens: Well, that kind of falls under some sort of "confidentiality" thing, doesn't it? We just talked about stuff like what a nice and safe place Switzerland is, and what a beautiful place the Cayman Islands is.

Wallace: Okay, Roger, is there anything else you want to say?

Clemens: Yes, I think this waiting period for the Hall of Fame is ridiculous. I'm the greatest pitcher that ever lived, so why shouldn't I get an exemption and get in now?

Wallace: Okay, Roger. So you didn't use steroids or any other banned substance?

Clemens: I never used the things I said I never used. And Mike, there is one last thing I'd like to say.

Wallace: Yes Roger?

Clemens: I love God and He Loves me. God Bless America and God Bless Baseball.

 

["tick, tock, tick, tock..."]

 

P.S.  I just heard the way Roger is planning on defending himself. Just terrible. It's making me itch to write the sequel to this.

Great game between Kansas and Virginia Tech. After the craziness of last year on their campus, I was rooting for them to win Well, we can't get everything we wish for.

But the game was highly entertaining, and it's hard to root against a team that so many broadcasters who spend time with say is one of the most cohesive teams that ever took the field.

So, congratulations KU.