I just need to get some of this stuff out of my system:

Gus Frerrotte:   Here's a quote I found from Gus before this week's game on cbssportsline.com:  "I woke up feeling pretty good (Monday).  I had my emotions back.  I had most of my feelings back..."  Can someone translate this for me?  Maybe Gus's Sports Psychologist?  How do you lose your emotions?  Did Gus wake up on Monday and say to himself "Wow.  People are calling for a guy named Sage Rosenfels to replace me at QB.  Now it's coming back to me. I feel both sad and embarrassed."  If you say something that makes that little sense, I think it's clear that you haven't recovered from the head injury you were taken out of the game for.

Bobby Engram Complaining on ESPN:  I saw Engram on ESPN complaining that last year all you saw on TV was the Hawks' wide receivers dropping balls and nothing about  the touchdowns they scored.  Bobby, you're my boy cause you're from PSU, but if you're an NFL receiver and you catch 7 balls out of ever 10 that hit you in the hands, that's not good.  I'm not sure how Hasselbeck didn't vomit last year when he had to throw to you, Koren Robinson, or Darrel Jackson in the clutch.  I'm pretty sure if Holmgren had the chance and there was any way they could get down the field, he would have rather tried to hit Muhammed Ali on the slant or Michael J. Fox on the skinny post.  And while I can still kind of segue to being a PSU fan, let me tell you how miserable that is come college basketball time.  Those guys are so bad that they lose half of their recruiting class every year because the kids want to focus on the Special Olympics.

The NBA Dress Code Debate:  If you have any notion that I don't appreciate hip-hop culture, please see my last post.  That being said, I think some of these guys need to talk to some New Orleans Hornets' fans if they want to hear about real racial inequality and injustice in the world.  Can we have players take a job-readiness class in college that teaches them sometimes grown-ups need to wear collared shirts when they go to work.  Quite frankly, it's not that I think these guys don't deserve the money they make (a future blog), but you do throw a ball through a hoop for a living.  I think if I was in your position and David Stern called me up asking me to wear women's panties to the arena, my only question would be whether or not they should be crotchless.  But I would definitely make sure it wasn't Marv Albert on the other end of the phone disguising his voice.  Man, that guy was a sicko, wasn't he?  Yes!

Bill Parcell's Right Hook On His Assistant Coach:  If there's one thing I hate more than guys who repeatedly say or do assinine things, it's the sports figures who get a free pass no matter what they do.  I'm not saying that the assistant coach was in the right, but Parcells tried to cold cock him and he even connected.  For that, I think we got a three minute debate about it a week later between Irvin and Ditka and Ditka's main defense of Parcells was that Parcells isn't black.  And every time they showed you the highlight, everyone would laugh and someone would say something like "Don't mess with Parcells.  Ha Ha."  Then they would follow it up with a an eight minute expose' about how TO didn't wash his hands after he went to the bathroom (Please, no more TO debate.  I just can't take it.  If you want me go back and take out that comment, I will).  And I'm not saying he's done anything to make me think he wasn't a really good guy, but if Favre would have taken a page out of Najeh Davenport's book last night and defacated in the Lions end zone, all the Sunday night crew would have talked about for the rest of the game is how that was the classiest dump that's ever been taken in the NFL.

WNBA:  Again, I am all about equal rights.  But how can this possibly still be on the air?  I take back what I said about no more TO coverage.  Sheryl Swoopes comes out as a lesbian and guys across the country still couldn't be less interested in tuning in.  If you can't attract men to your sport with the possibility of some girl-on-girl action, I think it's time for the league to go defunct.  If Sharapova came out as a lesbian, scalpers could get more money for a fourth round U.S. Open match than the Super Bowl.  Unless Navratalova came out of retirement and she was playing.

Doug Flutie Still in the NFL:  No, I'm serious.  He really is.  Google him for yourself and see.  I don't know if somebody puts his pads on for him and helps him in and out of the tunnel or what.  Flutie and Sean Landetta are the only players from the USFL left in the NFL.  But Landetta is a punter.  Flutie is a QB.  Flutie is 138 years old in punter years.  You know even Rickey Henderson called Flutie up and was like "Doug, c'mon, it's time."  I think if people can no longer watch the recordings they made of your college games because technology has advanced to the point that the device they used to make those recordings is virtually extinct, it might be time to hang it up.  But that's just me.  I never played the game.

Fantasy Football Rage:  I already talked about my problem with this in another blog, but I have to say that considering what a calm, rationale person I am in everyday life and as a sports viewer, the hatred that I feel at the time of the game for the NFL players my fantasy team is playing against is unreal.  Especially RBs that poach touchdowns.  At one point this season I had Edge and Tiki. Sadly, I think if I woke up on Sunday and heard on Countdown that Dominic Rhodes died in a tragic plane crash on the way to the game, my only comment would have been that I hope Brandon Jacobs was the pilot.  I could be in a religious sect that some nation's leader has been committing genocide against for the last thirty years, and I still don't think I would feel the same disgust towards him that I felt towards Ryan Fitzpatrick yesterday.

Tony Reali and "Around the Horn":  I'm not sure how those "Around the Horn" guys made "Rome is Burning" look like the Nightline of  sports commentary shows, but they pulled it off.  Anyway, how can Reali go from the host of one show to a complete bit player in the show that immediately follows it and go by a demeaning name like "Stat Boy."  He's not even "Tony the Stat Boy."  Just "Stat Boy."  That would be like if "Jeopardy" was on before "Wheel of Fortune" and Alex Trebek hosted "Jeopardy" then played the role of Vanna White on "Wheel."  Eww.  Sorry for that visual, everybody.  By the way, is it me or is Jay Mariotti totally that creepy guy at the bar who hits on all the college chicks.  Also, although I'm currently opposed to the death penalty, I think if Steven A. Smith just went through with it and shot Skip Bayless, I would be forced to reconsider my stance.  That would be a great opportunity to kill two birds with one stone.  I don't think they've ever been on "Around The Horn," but I'm just sayin'.

Mike Martz and his Playcalling:   I took a shot at Martz four or five blogs ago so it's time for another.  Did this guy really let all that offensive genius talk go to head after the Rams' Super Bowl appearences or what?  It was like he couldn't take the pressure of trying to live up to his reputation.  Can't you just see Martz all coked up the night before a game at 4 am, crumbling papers and trying to come up with a game plan?  Then, all of the sudden during the game the next day the Rams are in the red zone and Martz has Orlando Pace split out wide, running the end around.  I bet Dick Vermeil is still crying every night from watching Martz's collapse.

The NFL on Sirius:  It's on Sirius.  You can say whatever you want.  I would like to see an R rated broadcast of NFL games, where broadcasters could just say whatever they really think and not hold back.  That would be unbelievably entertaining and popular and would teach those Direct TV guys a lesson for hoarding the games and making you subscribe to their package to see them:

"Oh my God, Joe, how did the refs miss that holding call?  Do they have their heads up their a**es today or what?"

"Well, Bob, if you've been watching the same game that I have, I don't really see how you can be surprised.  My guess would be that the back judge was still busy pleasuring Jon Gruden on the sideline and didn't return in time.  Either that or he took the Bucs and the points this week."

Ok, I guess that's it for today.  Please feel free to add your own thoughts on things that leave you scratching your head.

By the way, mythical FoxSports judges, I wouldn't risk being offensive if you said I couldn't.  Please make a note in your own comment section.

First off, if anyone is frightened because I made them think that Coolio is performing at the Rose Bowl's halftime show, I apologize.  But if you're a Coolio fan (I don't know, maybe Coolio was your next door neighbor growing up or something), make sure you make it to the end of this post for a pretty funny Coolio anecdote.

As I wait for the NFL to start, here is today's topic:  The cross-hybridnation of college football and hip-hop over the past couple of years.  Don't get me wrong, I love Tupac and Biggie as much as the next guy, but I really think this is starting to get out of hand.  Check out these 100% true quotes from Vince Young.  My buddy who is in grad school at UT and sent me the link:

"They haven't seen some of the guys on our team that [are] gangster," Young said. "We've got some guys who are going to talk some trash. We're not going to let them talk in our face."

Young pointed out that few teams verbally stood up to the Trojans, giving Notre Dame credit for talking back to the jabbering defending champions.

Though the Trojans sideline will likely include celebrities, Young hinted on bringing out some big names to the Texas side.

"We can get Jay-Z, Beyonce on our line," Young said. "We can get a lot of people on our line."

If you think I might be making this up for some reason, check out the full article at http://www.dailytexanonline.com/  It was in the Dec. 6 issue.

Anyway, first LenDale White gets in the end zone and hands the ball to Snoop, now Vince Young is threatening the Trojans that his team is gangsta?  Where is this going to stop?  Are coin flips going to be replaced with battle rap competitions between the captains?  Will all sideline reporters be required to wear doo-rags?  Is Pete Carrol going to get a 15 yard personal foul called for pistol-whipping Mack Brown on the way to the locker room before halftime?  It sounds kind of scary to be a fan at one of these games.  By the way, did anyone else know that Charlie Weis and Notre Dame were gangsta?  I had no idea.  I guess that's why the Pats were so good.

As if that wasn't bad enough, Young is going to start name-dropping and say he can get Jay-Z and Beyonce on Texas's sideline?  That is just ridiculous.  Can you picture Tony Dorsett boasting to his opponent that Earth, Wind, and Fire were going to be on Pitt's sideline during a game?  I cant.

And then, of course, in a related story, there's Miami's 7th Floor Crew.  The funniest part about this story is that it actually became a story.  "Oh my God, a college football team objectifying women, that's outrageous!   Those Miami players really are all thugs!"  Please.  If you told me that Penn State's football team had their own 7th Floor Crew and JoePa was dropping the beats, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised.  The Miami players are simply the only guys dumb enough to record a song like that and let it get out, with a special "Smart Guy" award going to the player who actually mentioned his jersey number.  Little known fact.  The song that made it to the public was actually a remix.  That guy's original line was "I met your girl last night and found out she's a whore, I wear 52 cause that's my SAT score."   I know what you're thinking.  "You get more points than that on the SAT for signing your name so you're not so smart yourself."  Wrong.  That Miami dude actually f'ed up signing his name.  That's how he got a 52.

Ok, as promised, a funny Coolio anecdote.  Somebody who went to James Madison told me that a year or two before I got there, Coolio came to perform.  He walks on stage and actually greets the crowd with "What's up, John Madison!?!"  C'mon Coolio, James Madison was an important President.  You can get his name right.  I guess they don't have history books in Gangsta's Paradise.

One more thing.  A while back, I said that I don't think anyone should refer to themselves in the third person if at all possible.  I forgot one exception.  If you're a guy and you p*** your girl off, start apologizing to her in a really deep voice like the guy who was in Boyz II Men (i.e. "Girl, you know Andy's sorry.  You know Andy didn't mean to not ask you where you wanted to go to eat.  He knows that was wrong.).  The girl will find it so charming and funny that she can't possibly still be mad at you.  I lent that secret to a friend and he can verify that it works like a charm. 

***It occured to me after I posted this that it might not be a good strategy to put the discussion of what your title reflects after a bunch of other crap so I did a little rearranging.

Now, if you're still with me, let's get to today's topic:  My sports announcers pet peeves.  I've actually got quite a few:

Sports announcers who repeatedly harp on a topic.  This can take on a couple of forms.  If there's a big sports story at the time, then it might be talking about that.  The TO saga is a perfect example.  When that story was all over the news a couple of weeks ago, it wouldn't matter if you were watching the Colts/Pats and Manning just ran for an 80 yard TD to win the game.  Whoever was announcing the game was going to find some way to work TO into that conversation.  Like "Hey, do you think if TO wasn't suspended the Pats would have picked up TO play in their secondary?"  Or, let's say a defensive player makes a couple of tackles in the first two or three minutes of the first quarter.  For the rest of the game, any time that guy makes any kind of play, the announcer will say something sarcastically like "Look who it is." or "Guess who?"

Sports announcers who try to fill in the words of what a player or coach is saying.  For instance, at the end of a college basketball game, something will happen and the announcer will say "Look at Bob Knight down there on the bench.  Right now, he's telling his kids "keep calm, keep calm."  But you know Bob Knight or whoever the coach is is saying "You know they're going to foul, and you decide to pass the ball to our 7'2" center from Croatia?!?  Guess who just lost his scholarship!"

Sports announcers who say that a guy just made a "heads-up" play.  Listen, I know a lot of these guys aren't the brightest dudes in the world, but you don't need to portray them as apes.  If a team is trying to run out the clock at the end of the game and the tailback remembers to stay in bounds, is that really a "heads-up" play?  I mean, the guy's been playing this game all of his life.  The rules haven't changed. It's a very simple concept.  I think my personal favorite is when there's a fumble and the announcer will say "What a play by the big man.  Not only did he recover the ball, but  he had the presence of mind to pick it up and get into the end zone."  Call me a Rhodes scholar, but I don't see how picking a ball up and running towards a painted end-zone has anything to do with presence of mind. I mean, really, what are his other options?  Is the guy going to pick the ball up and eat it? 

Pat Sumerall.  Ok, I liked the guy in his prime, but at the end of his run I don't think I've ever seen a better case made for euthanasia.  The poor guy had completely lost it.  Check out this transcript from an actual game:

"Niners have the ball.  Three minutes left on the clock. Young, back to pass.  He's looking for Favre in the end zone.  Touchdown, Emmit Smith!  And on trots Summerall for the extra point."

Old news last.  I must admit, when I saw the first line of Walnuts' comment end with "men will be men," my initial thought was that he clicked on my "Gay Athletes in the NFL" blog for some good old fashioned gay bashing, and he wasn't going to be denied, even if I wasn't writing on that subject.  Then, by the time I read all of it, I got more of the lighthearted, "Home Improvement" style of  "men will be men" comedy  vibe from what he was saying.  While I'm not really sure I share his stance, I think if there's one thing we can all agree on, it's that Jonathan Taylor Thomas is probably gay.

I would also like to say a big thank-you to StaceyMargarita for her defense of me, although being as incredibly non-confrontational as I am, I don't think I really want to take it to the personal level.  I have an incredibly guilty conscious so let's say Walnuts read your response, got all mad, and starting beating on his wife and kids.  I would feel partially responsible.

My boy Lex has the right idea with how to attract readers, and I also like Bigwags and Eastern's angle--drop a compliment about somebody else's post and then do a little self-promotiion.  Kudos to them.  If I were a computer programmer, I would come up with a program that could visit everyone's blog and post a comment like "That's good stuff.  If you like this post, then you might want to check me out at..."  Unless the blog had anything to do with T.O.  Then I would have the computer post something like "For the love of all things holy, that's enough."  Has anyone seen that blog on the front page that won't go away.  It says "2 words for T.O., Ba Bye."  Not only are you going to choose to write about probably the most overexposed story in the history of sports, you have to include a catch-phrase from a mid-90s SNL bit.  I find your unoriginality striking.  And that is as insulting as I will ever get.  Remember, this blog teaches tolerance and reaches out to all cultures.  So holla at me, dawg, and I'll keep trying to Git-R-Done.

One more thing.  I ended my last post with "A guy can dream, can't he?"  That just didn't feel right at all.  I felt like I was trying to be some bootleg Mitch Albom at the end of a Sports Reporters monologue.  No more rhetorical questions from me to end a post.  I apologize. 

Ok, my "Is NASCAR a Sport" faux title seems to have failed miserably at attracting readers.  This is my last attempt at creating a title unrelated to my blog to try and get people to read it.  I would have gone with "Sex, Sex, Sex" or something like that but I couldn't see how that would have anything to do with sports unless I was blogging on the Vikings.

Anyway, before diving into today's topic, I would like to give a "shout-out" to StaceyMargarita.  This blogger is notable for two reasons:  1) She's the only person so far that I don't know who has left me a comment and 2) In a roundabout way, she's a woman who kind of initiated a conversation with me.  Both ground-breaking feats in their own way.  In response to an earlier blog, StaceyMargarita makes the point that women can be angry, miserable sports fans too.  Stacy, you are absolutely right.  And since I'm all for womens rights, you go ahead and show the world how much you can't stand your existence either.

Which brings us to today's topic:  What is it about sports that makes everyone feel like they are an expert on the subject and qualified to comment?  Case in point.  My Dad never played basketball, I really never played basketball, and as far I know, he didn't even watch basketball until a year or two ago.  Yet after watching a few games, he now feels qualified to jump up and go ape-s*** when the Sixers are losing, saying ridiculous things like "How can you not go to a zone?"  I'm not making this up to try and be funny.  I think there's an 80% chance my Dad couldn't identify what a zone defense is in basketball.   But you see this kind of thing all the time, wherever you go.  It doesn't matter how much of a complete novice somebody is as a fan to the game, he will sit in front of a TV on Sunday and chastise a defense for not bringing the blitz or putting 8 men in the box.  The less qualified the person to comment, the more simple-minded the solution is for his team to find success, be it "they need to run more" or "they need to throw it deep."  Simply inexplicable. 

Fans don't do this in other types of entertainment.  No joe schmo goes to see "Rent" and says "That choreography is atrocious.  I can't believe what they're doing up there."   And I know what you're thinking:  "The majority of sports fans are not only straight men but there's also a good number who are homophobes.  Why would any of them ever go to see a musical, let alone one that deals a subject matter such as AIDS?  Your analogy is falling on deaf ears."  Well, imaginary guy I have a debate with in my head as I write these things, you make a good point. I'll have to keep reminding myself not to make any mention of the arts.  Let me try again.  Did anyone watch that show "Playmakers" on TV a couple of years back and say how they could have improved the acting?  Probably not, although in that situation, anything you said most likely would have helped.

By the way, I would like to mention that my name is Andy.  "Detpack" is my fantasy team's nickname, as well as a nickname a few friends call me.  I referred to myself as "detpack" in an earlier post and it just felt wrong.  I don't think anybody should ever refer to themselves in the third person if at all possible, let alone by a nickname that other people call them.  The only exception to this rule that I can think of is if a player is doing a promo spot for a radio station or something.  For instance, "This is 'Big Game Torry Holt' and you and Mike Martz are listening to the Rams radio network. "

Before I go, I would like to share one more thought that I find funny, sad, and absurd at the same time .  As much as I seriously cannot fathom that Chris Rose or anyone from FoxSports is reading any of this and as much as I've beaten that fact into the ground in my earlier posts, I can't help but imagine that they are in the same way a child daydreams about hitting a buzzer beater at the end of regulation.  Like the the judges are all sitting around their computer saying "Oh man, that detpack guy just posted again!  That guy has so many allusions and references, it's unreal.  He's like a magician.  How did he possibly work NASCAR, Mike Martz, and the musical "Rent" into the same post?  This guy is amazing!"

A guy can dream, can't he?  

Ok, two quick things before I dive into my second highly anticipated post.  Number one, I am taking this entire opportunity to try and blog with a little originality and offer some sports commentary on subject matter and with viewpoints that may not have been considered in a major sports media outlet.  Number two, from here on out I will be composing my posts as if someone might actually be reading them.  Considering I've received one comment so far and it was a verbal comment from my roomate who offered "Why don't you write a blog about how a 27 year old with a college degree shouldn't be unemployed," I'm just going to use my imagination. 

Anyway, moving on.  Today's topic is how unbelievably angry most sports fans seem to be in life.  Take for example, this exchange I found on the web recently.  I used a little artistic freedom, but it really was strikingly close to this:

BengalsFan4Life:  How can the Bears be ranked ahead of the Bengals in this week's power rankings?   The Bengals destroyed the Bears when they played.

JetsFan4Ever:  Hey BengalsFan,  maybe if the Bengals didn't give up 35 points a game, they would be ranked ahead of the Bears.

BengalsFan4Life:  Hey JetsFan, if the Bears can't score more than 10 points a game, then what's the difference, you moron?  Why don't you suck my d***?  By the way, Brooks Bollinger is having a great season, isn't he? 

You get the point.   Are these forums necessary?  Listen BengalsFan4Life, I think it's pretty obvious that you and JetsFan4Ever are arguing from two fundamentally different positions--that of the value of offense versus the value of defense--and are never going to see eye-to-eye on this matter.  There's no need to get personal.  And that Brooks Bollinger shot was a low-blow. 

Not so fast, though, JetsFan4Ever.  You're not getting off that easy.  Seeming how you are neither a Bengals NOR a Bears fan, I'm not really sure you should even have a say in this matter.  So why are you trying to get all up in BengalsFan4Life's business anyway? 

From my experience with most hard-core fans (which I consider myself one of), they are always angry about something.  These feelings escalate with age.  If their team stinks, everyone in the organization is horrible.  Then, if a team gets good, unless they win a championship, it is always the fault of some "moron," be it a player who can't peform in the clutch, a coach who can't win the big game, etc.  If a team does win the championship, the fan's happiness lasts for about 15 seconds before he starts engaging in vengeful "I told you so" quips to his friends.  Soon after that comes the "even though we won the championship, we're still not getting any respect" talk.  Then, if a team becomes a dynasty, that's still not enough.  The fan must engage in fierce debates about why the Cowboys of the early 90s would kill the Steelers of the late 70s and how the '01 Ravens D couldn't even hold a candle to the '85 Bears D.  Finally, if you live long enough, you start complaining about how players in the present era can't compare to players of the past and say things like "Pitchers use to have to pitch the whole 9 innings."  Then you die a miserable, miserable old man.

I could go on for pages and give a hundred more examples of this phenomenon, but I fear I would start to become like the bitter people I am speaking out against.  Also, I'm still having trouble covincing myself that it's ok to take part in what appears to be an exercise in futility.  That's ok, though.  My blog doesn't ask me questions like "What are your greatest weaknesses?" and "What kind of management style do you prefer?"