Ok, I had to get something in before the deadline even though I haven't been feeling well lately.  As you might expect, I salivate over top ten lists and I'm sure you wouldn't be surprised to learn that I like to make these up just for fun (but they usually are just making fun of friends and don't have anything to do with sports). 

I'm going to play off of something I mentioned in my preview last week, and that's how absolutely ridiculous Primetime has become with its nicknames.  I really think it's out of control as many of the names have long lead-ins and some of the nicknames have nothing to do with sports.  So, allow me to present the Top Ten Nicknames Rejected by Chris Berman for Each of Last Weekend's Playoff Games.  I'll be back sometime this week with a slightly serious and more developed piece and probably some more top ten lists.  After all, I did correctly pick all four winners in last week's games (Let'em know, Socal.  My comment should still be on your blog.)

Bengals/Steelers

10.  Chad "you know what they say about black men and the size of their" Johnson.

9  Jeff "You'd be surprised how many of the guys on my team can't" Reed.

8.  Carson "I didn't watch the Twin Peaks finale, did they ever tell us who killed Laura" Palmer.

7.  Duce "I left my bag of bagels open overnight and now they're all" Staley.

6.  Chris "You gotta feel sorry for kids whose parents name them" Henry.

5.  Verron "I saw Michael Jordan in those underwear commercials and it did nothing to make me want to buy" Haynes

4.  Shayne "Michael Irvin charged me way too much for that" Grahm

3.  Cedrick "I don't care how much weight she loses, I'll never be attracted to Carnie" Wilson.

2.  Rudi "I'd feel remiss if I didn't this opportunity to again point out what they say about a black man's" Johnson

1. Heath "You can keep your pale ale crap, I'll just have a" Miller.

Jaguars/Patriots

10.  Matt "Rappers must be losing their creativity, because now one guy just calls himself Mike" Jones.

9.  Troy "I thank God every night that I'm not a " Brown.

8.  George "Andy said we were going to get our butts whipped and he was definitely" Wrightster.

7.  Patrick "If I were Matt Leinart and the Saints drafted me, I'd" Pass.

6.  Jimmy "At least I'm not as old as Rod" Smith.

5.  Corey "When I saw 'Wild Things', I lost all my respect for Matt Dillon."

4.  Josh "The most embarrassing moment of my life is when I cut my hair with the" Scobee.

3.  P.K. "I see the field as much as Toocan" Sam.

2.  Kyle "I'm comfortable enough in my sexuality to look on the field and admire Tom" Brady.

1.  Tom "You're not so bad yourself, Kyle" Brady.

Panther/Giants

10.  Mike "If you've seen those BK commercials, you've got to feel bad for Darius" Rucker.

9.  Jay "Sometimes when I drink, I get a little touchy-" Feely.

8.  Chris "I'd take the Skins and the points next week if I liked to" Gamble.

7.  Amani "I stick around this league like a malignant" Toomer.

6.  Rod "My locker is next to Chris Weinke's and as you might imagine, he's not very" Smart.

5.  Tim "How did a backup QB land a chick like Elisabeth" Hasselbeck.

4.  Ricky "I never get mistaken for Peyton or Eli" Manning.

3.  Willie "How I'm in the NFL is a thought you might like to" Ponder.

2.  John "I thought Tiki Barber would never point fingers after a loss, but that just wasn't the" Kasay.

1.  Jeremy "The fact that we lost this game wasn't a big Shockey."

Bucs/Redskins

10.  Michael "I hope Mike Ditka gets bit*h slapped by John" Clayton.

9.  Chris "Even if he's your teammate, spitting in the opponent's face is still not" Cooley.

8.  Jeff "Do you remember on Diff'rent Strokes when Arnold finally stood up to the" Gooch.

(Sorry, that one was for me.  I know he's a linebacker that's on IR and a lot of people probably haven't heard of him but I couldn't resist.)

7.  Santana  "An aging wide receiver gathers no" Moss.

6.  Brian "I haven't washed my hair in three days, and man is it" Griese.

(Again, IR, but it serves the purpose.)

5.  Lavar "I can't tell you how much it bugs me when people call me J.J." Arrington.

4.  Derrick "Our game plan must have been devised by Mel" Brooks.

3.  Marcus "Has anyone noticed that I play for the city of, next week I'll play in the state of, and my last name is" Washington.

2.  Ronde "I know he's my twin, but please don't confuse me with Tiki" Barber.

1.  John "I never understood the fascination with Kids In The" Hall.

***I tried to throw out a serious analytical look at the Jags-Pats game.  Luckily, before anyone really had a chance to see it and even though I think I had some good points, Motor and jgrace quickly helped me realize that I should nix any kind of real preview because I stink at it (Even though I still say the Pats are going to stomp the Jags.  I'll check back for your apologies from you two after the game.).  Like a good friend who convinces his buddy that he's got a long way to go before he can wear Under Armour at the gym, their constructive criticism did the trick and I have to sincerely thank them for the  "do it right or stick to the jokes" bit*ch-slapping they gave me.  However, just like Mark Wahlberg doesn't want his career to be looked at solely in regard to his efforts as part of the Funky Bunch, I'd like to rehash a serious piece I wrote over three weeks ago that got a more favorable review- it was a long time before many of you probably got here.  I would have just set up a link, but my computer skills are feeble, and I will blog myself to the end by refusing help, just as an Ironman competitor would if he collapsed 20 yards from the finish line.  By the way, has anyone checked out MBrady and JWatters lately?  MBrady has found a feature that allows the computer to read his blog to the blind and JWatters' appears to somehow have the capability to bid on items from eBAY.  I don't know why people stopped with the shout-outs once the finals started (actually, yeah I do), but these guys obviously busted their balls on this stuff and I don't think they're getting the look they deserve.  At least not in terms of comments.  I'd try to say something besides what I did, but if you think my NFL breakdown wouldn't have been any good, my college basketball insight would appall you.  Anyway, the article (and my apologies if you already saw it):

Why Athletes Are More Likely Underpaid Than Overpaid...Seriously (And If You Don't Think So, What I Believe Is Really Behind Your Feelings)

I'm putting this up early today in hopes that it will spark some good discussion.  If you've read any of my blogs, then you know that I usually take a very lighthearted look at things in a "did you notice" or "why is that the way it is" observational comedy type of way.  Today I would like to write on another topic that baffles me but do so in a more serious manner.  The issue that I'd like to explore is the notion that athletes are grossly overcompensated for what they do, a notion that I find inexplicable and a viewpoint I regard as devoid of any type of logic and stemming more from jealousy than anything else.

You hear it all time when you're watching the games with friends or having a conversation with a random stranger:  "These guys are overpaid," "How can he ask for more money?", "It's ridiculous these guys get paid the type of money do for catching a football" are all examples of common phrases I've heard even the most intelligent, passionate sports fan throw around.  I would argue quite the opposite, or rather that if anyone in our society deserves to make such a great amount of money, professional athletes have got to be near the top of the list.

I was an English major in college, but it all seems like a simple matter of economics and "supply and demand."  No one can deny the billions and billions of dollars in revenue that the sports entertainment industry generates every year:  Tickets, merchandise, apparel, even beer sales on Sunday can all be traced back to sports in some regard.  I think what people tend to forget sometimes when they complain about players' salaries is that a football or baseball game isn't just about rooting for your favorite team.  Whether you like it or not, it's a business.  That's where supply and demand comes in to play.  The sports industry-and society in general--demands to see the best players.  Check out the ticket sales and television ratings this year for the Colts and Texans.  Colts have better athletes.  Colts have a better team.  Colts win.  People pay to go see the Colts.  People who can't go see the Colts in person watch the Colts on television and look at the commercials that companies pay big money for to advertise their products.  Companies sell more of their product and make more money.  If the Colts had Tom the plumber throwing to Jim the business exec instead of Manning to Harrison, people probably wouldn't watch the Colts anymore. No more money for owners. No more money for television stations.  No more money for the guy who charges for parking across the street from the stadium, etc.  You see my point.  An unbelievable number of people benefit financially off these athletes-too many I'm sure for me to even fathom.  So why do so many fans criticize athletes' salaries as they shuffle out of the stadium in their hats and jerseys, listen to sports radio on the way home for the game recap, watch the game's highlights on Sportscenter before they go to bed, and read about the game the next day in the sports page? 

If you knew that as a result of whatever skill you performed, people were making ungodly amounts of money off of you, would you not want a very hefty salary to perform whatever it is you do?  Have you ever watched a television show and found out that a music group was paid $300,000 when their album made the record company 10 million?  You probably thought they got the royal shaft or at the very least, blamed the performers for being duped.  So why do people feel so differently about athletes than they do other entertainers when athletes ask for more money?  I've never gone to a movie and heard anyone say "Tom Hanks got paid 20 million dollars for this film.  That's outrageous."  Tom Hanks' salary goes up or down in direct proportion to the number of ticket sales he is expected to create by appearing in a film.  The more money Tom Hanks brings in for the studio, the more money Tom Hanks' agent asks for just like the more people who come to watch a sporting event because of a professional athlete's presence, the more his agent asks for. But not nearly as many people label Tom Hanks as greedy like they label some pro athletes and say things like "what ever happened to making films for their artistic merit?" (I would address the topic of not honoring contracts here as I'm sure someone will make that point, but I'm not knowledgeable enough on the subject.  I will say that I know the system's fairness has been questioned many times).  The most ironic part about all of the people who complain about athlete's salaries is that they all hold the key to drastically reducing those salaries.  If starting this Sunday, everyone turned off their TVs and read a book, Randy Moss would soon become Randy the bus driver or whatever occupation he could find work in.  Of course, that's not going to happen.  But the truth of the matter is that if you say an athlete is paid too much money, what you're really saying is that our society places too much emphasis on sports as entertainment.  Which, if people were forced to examine their options (i.e. less watching sports and more reading books or whatever), I think they might quickly reconsider their stance.

This leads to me to ultimate question, then, of why people seemingly target athletes as opposed to any other performers.  And the answer I would offer up is simple:  jealously.  Pure, unabashed, poorly veiled jealousy in my eyes.  It doesn't seem just.  Some of these athletes would have trouble carrying the one in a simple math problem or constructing a remotely coherent thought on paper.  So why should they make so much money and not you or I?  We work hard.  We went to college and studied hard to get that accounting job or busted our butts at the factory to move up the ladder there.  We don't get to play a game for a living.  All very true, but all nothing more than terribly unfortunate for us.  We got the short end of the stick in this one.  Because the truth is that as good as a writer as I think I am, there's thousands and thousands of people in this country alone who are either as good or better than me at what I do.  How many people could throw a ball like Manning or shoot a basketball like Jordan could?  Pardon my brief social commentary, but I would go so far as to say if you really want to see who the most overpaid people are in this country, a good place to start would be the CEOs of major companies who happen to have a really smart Daddy or Granddaddy, or Great-Grandaddy, or whomever.  What makes them worth so much money?  What about the guy who sits behind a desk at the factory because his buddy runs the company as opposed to the guys who make seven bucks an hour doing whatever physically grueling job they do?  It's a lot easier for some of us to pick on the big, dumb, obnoxious athlete on TV dancing in the end zone than it is to look in the mirror, isn't it?  The worst part about it is there isn't a thing I can do about not being a professional athlete.  I think that's why it upsets so many people.  If I need to be smarter to do something, I can study.  If I want to be a musician, I can keep practicing the guitar, etc.  I'm 5'11, 180 and probably run a 7.4 40-yard dash.  It doesn't matter if I go to a gym and shoot hoops every night or run receiving routes in the street 8 hours a day for the next three years, I'm not even getting an invite to an NBA camp or an NFL combine, let alone a lucrative contract offer.  Just not fair, especially since I would love to play sports for a living.  But how many times have you heard someone tell you "life's not fair."  Probably a lot.  So next time you're going to complain about how much money an athlete makes, I would ask you to reconsider. I think it kind of makes you sound like a whiner, especially considering that if you really want to change things, you should probably start by canceling your Sunday Ticket subscription and hanging out with your significant other during the game.  Yikes.

With all the talk about some of the finalists' true sports knowledge, I had to pull out some unique insight on a variety of topics.  Take this, Mitch Albom:

Everybody seems to be declaring Texas the National Champions, but let's wait and see what the computers have to say.  There could be some newspaper editors with egg on their face tomorrow morning if we see any "Dewey Defeats Truman"-like headlines.

You gotta admire Ron Artest's efforts to make it back to the NBA this year after sitting out a majority of last season due to injury.  Can't deny the guy's ability to overcome adversity, regardless of what you think of him as a gospel singer.

Did anybody stay up for the end to that Florida State/Penn State game? Oh man, double overtime.  Even though I'm a huge PSU fan and would have loved to see JoePa pull it out in his last game, you have to give it to Bowden for winning with class.  Too bad Joe decided to hang it up.  I bet Bowden will pass Paterno soon in career wins.  You wait and see.

Before the NBA instituted the three point line, how did the scorekeepers know when a shot was worth three points?  Call me Seinfeld for making such an obvious observation everyone has missed, but that must have been tough.

Did anyone see how far the Chiefs fell in May's NFL draft?  They have to be kicking themselves for not losing those last eight games on purpose and getting the first pick, especially since they could have really used LenDale White with their lack of a big-time back.

I've heard people talk about this guy for the Cavs as the next Michael Jordan.  I checked the boxscore and the guy's name is actually Lebron James.  Doesn't even sound like Michael Jordan.  Seriously, who pays these guys?

How about the stories out of golf lately?  Some of the best in recent memory have to be Jean Van de Velde finally winning a major and Jack Nicholson's swan song at the Masters.  Tiger Woods is still amazing and a very marketable celebrity, but Reebok should really give putting its swoosh on everything a rest. 

I know the Heat is tough on defense as it is, but they still might want to think about switching over to a 4-3.  You can always improve, even though those guys haven't earned the nickname "The Bad Boys" for nothing.

Did anyone see the suspiciously noticeable absence of a running game the Packers had this year?  Maybe if Sherman would have put the ball in Ahman Green's hands a little more, he'd still have his job as offensive coordinator.  And for that matter, all these people saying Favre should retire should think back to Elway's last years in Miami.  No one got on him for trying to hang on and win at least one Super Bowl before he called it quits.

The Saints actually played a "home game" at the Meadowlands this year.  What, was there a "Grateful Dead" concert going on at the Superdome?  Just ridiculous.  If that doesn't prove that New York teams get all the breaks, I don't think anything does.

I hear all these talk-radio idiots ramble on about the Colts having their best chance at making a Super Bowl run since they finally get to play indoors.  Sorry fellas, I live about 45 minutes from Baltimore, and trust me, there's no dome over that stadium.  LOL. If the Colts want to play indoors, they're going to have to win at home and then go on the road to Denver and take down the defending champs on the Broncos' own turf.

I was watching one of the bowl games last week. The receiver caught it, but he didn't even come close to having two feet in bounds.  The worst part is not only did the ref blow the call, the team's coach didn't even challenge it!  He must have been too concerned with the possibility of losing a timeout, although they still were going to get a stoppage of play at the two minute warning, so I'm not really sure why he cared so much.  And what's the point of replay if you still can't get the call right?

What happened to all the NHL coverage last year?  The stations must have finally got sick of the low ratings and stopped showing the games.  Maybe "The Great One" has one more magical season left with the Oilers and he can bring some fans back to the game. 

Taking one last second for a non-sports related observation, though, I'm sure everyone has seen the voting scale on the right hand side of the finalists' blogs.  Are we on Star-Search?  I half expect Ed McMahon's voice to come through my computer's speakers and say "Challenger Detpack receives...1 3/4 stars...Champion "The Doc" receives...4 stars!  

Shockingly, my Williams Baptist and Central Baptist basketball preview seems to be falling on deaf ears.  Cute concept, but probably not worth a full post. I digress. 

I'm going to attempt to regroup quickly and try to churn out some NFL playoff commentary.  As I've said before, there are a lot of smart guys out there who can break the game down with statistics as well as valuable insight attained from being involved in the NFL.  I'm going to stick with what got me here and offer up some thoughts that would make John Madden look focused on the game when he's in the booth.

Ok, like a couple other of my counterparts, I decided to preview the Giants/Panthers game.  Here's how I see it:

Giants Offense

As much as it pains me to say this as a die-hard Eagles fan, it's hard to not like Tiki.  He's a great player, he's always classy, and his name is Tiki, so you know it must have been hard for him growing up as kid-especially when those tiki torches for your patio were a big craze.  Speaking of names, here's my gift to all of the Giants fans for the next ten years.  Instead of taunting your team's opponent with the traditional "look at the scoreboard" jab, I recommend repeating the saying "Oh my, Eli!" whenever Manning completes a pass.  I know, it sounds simple.  But seriously, say it out loud one time.  All right, say it in your head, but really say it with an obnoxious tone.  I guarantee if you break that out in a very annoying voice during the game, you will get under the opposing fan's skin so fast, he'll be sure to leave you alone until the end of the fourth quarter no matter what happens.   I threatened to bust that out all year long for fantasy football purposes, and another guy in my league took Eli with the second pick of the draft just so I didn't have the chance.

Giants Defense

Strahan just seems to be getting better with age, and Pepper Johnson still has what it takes to get the job done at the linebacker position.  We all know what number 56 can do on the field if he stays out of trouble off it, but I've never been impressed with Sehorn when it comes to shutting down a big-time wide receiver.  (Ok, I've kind of been exposed here a little bit.  While I am a die-hard NFL fan and familiar with pretty much every team's quarterback, running back, wide receivers, tight end, and kicker, sometimes the defenses give me a little trouble in terms of remembering the names of guys who aren't stars or haven't been around forever.  I'm not going to look up the information to jog my memory, even though I'd probably recognize a lot of the guys.  I'd rather just point directly to my embarrassing deficiencies before we go any farther.). 

Panthers Offense

The Panthers, of course, are led by Jake "daylight come and me wanna" Delhomme.  Chris Berman, I've always liked you.  But if the guy's name doesn't lend itself to a good nickname without a ten second lead in, just let it go and call him by his real name.  The words of the song are " daylight come and me wanna go home."  Just because "go home" and "Delhomme" sound similar, doesn't mean it's worth all the effort.  I haven't heard you talk about Delhomme handing off to Deshaun "the best part of waking up is Fosters in your cup."  Seriously.  I never thought this could ever be a possibility, but I don't want Primetime to end up jumping the shark.

Panthers Defense

The main thing I know about the Panthers' defense is that they've got a bunch of guys who make me sad.  Ricky Manning, Jr., practically won the game himself in Philly two years ago and Chris Gamble destroyed Penn State while he was with OSU.  I hate them all.  How's that for some hardcore analysis and astute observations?

Special Teams

I'm not sure how John Kasay can still walk, let alone boot 50-yard field goals, but the guy seems to always get it done.  Hasn't he had about 7 knee operations?  For the Giants, Jeff Feagles just established himself as the Cal Ripken of the NFL when he recently broke the most consecutive games played record.  That is, of course, if Cal Ripken came into all of his games as a pinch hitter and instead of having a pitcher throw to him, he hit off a tee.

Coaches

Both of these guys need to calm down.  I talked before about John Fox running a reverse against the Saints, which was just completely uncalled for in my opinion.  Then there's Tom Coughlin, who got all in a huff with a few players because "if you're on time, you're five minutes late."  I understand instilling discipline, Tom, but you are a football coach, not a drill sergeant.  And Plaxico Burress is not Private Benjamin.  You can run a tight ship without acting as if your entire team is reporting for detention.

Cheerleaders

Too easy.  Just not my style.  But I will say that if you're a big fan of unintentional comedy, check out the Panthers' website and the 2004 cheerleading squad photo with the caption that reads "Pride Of The Carolinas."  Not a joke.

Intangibles

Ok, this is really a stretch, but I just want to comment on the halftime show.  I hope it's good.  What I really want to ask, though, is did anyone see the halftime show of the Fiesta Bowl where the girl had a chance to throw the football and get $50,000 donated to the United Service Organizations?  Not surprisingly, she missed and the organization got $25,000.  With all due respect to the ladies out there, I don't think a woman has the best shot of throwing a football through that hole.  What's more appalling is that if she made it, the USO would have gotten 25,000 more dollars.  This money is not for some fat guy who won an online contest, it's for the men and women who serve our country.  Tighten up and fork over the dough, Tostitos, or don't make the offer to begin with.  I've never donated a dollar to the Salvation Army and told the guy ringing the bell I'd throw in a ten if he could beat me in a foot race to my car.

A Brief Moment Of Real Analysis

While Manning came on strong this year and surprised many, I don't think he's mature enough yet to handle the pressure of a playoff game.  I like the Panthers to win a close one by relying on Delhomme's experience in the clutch. I also expect to see another big day out of Steve Smith, who's got to have a chip on shoulder after barely getting a sniff of MVP talk after his amazing comeback season.

A Final Thought

If I bow out after this round, I'd feel remiss in not thanking my fellow blogging friends, the judges, and the sponsor of this contest, McDonald's.  I'd also like to give special props to McDonald's advertising department and whoever came up with the slogan "I'm Lovin' It."  Sure, those McNuggets probably aren't good for me, but what am I supposed to do?  I'm lovin' it.  I think your marketing strategy is much more effective than Burger King's, who reflects the rapidly declining quality of customer service in this country and actually tries to lure people into its restaurant with the slogan, "Have It Your Way."  Thanks Burger King, you guys are the best.  I'll be sure to eat here from now on and avoid places like Wendy's, whose new advertising campaign includes the catchy phrase "Fu*k you, just pick off the shi* you don't want." 

I just want to express my well-wishes to all of the other finalists.  I've enjoyed reading your thoughts and am sure you guys are primed to fire off some great stuff.

I know a lot of people who look at any of these blogs aren't going to have the time to go back and read everything, so at the end of this blog is a little directory of "serious analysis," "comedic sports commentary,"and "blogger feedback pieces" with regards to what I have written.  I totally stole this idea from MBrady and would set up my blog like his if I wasn't so technologically inept.  Also, in the spirit of his good sportsmanship, I've added all of the finalists to my favorites list to make it easier for people to navigate the site. 

Comedic Sports Commentary

 

A Few More Sportscaster And Announcer Observations (Jan. 1)

 

Theme Songs For All 32 NFL Teams (Dec. 21)

 

Random Questions About Sports I Want To See Answered (Dec. 18)

 

Sports Industry Gimmicks (Dec. 15)

 

Does Anyone Have Brandon Stokley's Phone Number? (Dec. 13)

 

Quotes, Play Calls, Players, Coaches, Storylines, And Anything Else That Makes You Go "Hmmn?" (Dec. 12)

 

The Rose Bowl-A Gangsta's Paradise?  (Dec. 11)

 

Who Is The Most Annoying Sports Announcer (Dec. 10)

 

Rabid Sports Fans-The Angriest Of Men (Dec. 8)

 

Unemployment And Fantasy Football (Dec. 7)

 

Serious Sports Commentary

 

Another Hard Truth To Swallow, TO Was Right About The Media (Dec. 17)

 

Why Professional Athlete's Are More Likely Underpaid Than Overpaid...Seriously (Dec. 16)

 

Blogger Feedback Questions

 

The Heckle In Sports (Dec. 28)

 

What Is Your Worst Sports Fan Moment Ever? (Dec. 22)