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Block UserA few quick things. Number one, I didn't write original theme songs for all the teams myself. Nothing rhymes with Leftwich. I just kind of took other songs and played with the words a little. I'm well aware that there's pretty much zero chance anyone knows all of these songs and for that I apologize. If there's one area of useless knowledge I have that's greater than sports, it's probably the music genre as I have incredibly diverse taste. Hopefully, you'll know some. I also know that a lot of times the words don't exactly fit with the melody, so you'll have to do your best to make it work. I think if you try to sing the song in your head, the whole experience will be much more enjoyable, too.
Number two, the reasoning behind the title is that if I went to grad school and spent half the time looking for a cure for AIDS as I did trying to think of songs to fit every NFL team, society would be well on its way to endorsing unprotected sex because it feels better. Seriously, if I put my address on here can someone just come and steal this computer? I can't walk so there's no way I can put up a fight.
One more thing. Like I said to Mets in a comment under my last post, at times I can have the self-esteem of an obese 7th grade girl. I don't understand why I wasn't in the most popular section yesterday. I guess FoxSports doesn't like me. Oh well, I know who my true blogging friends are and I hope you enjoy:
AFC West:
Broncos: "Somebody Told Me"-The Killers-(Well, somebody told me/that we have
a quarterback/who looks like a homeless man/and cracks under pressure).
Chiefs: "Happy Trails"-Roy Rogers-("Happy Trails, Priest Holmes/until the hall of fame).
Raiders: "Imagine"-John Lennon-"Imagine all the people/who thought we'd have a good offensive team).
Chargers: "Unanswered Prayers"-Garth Brooks-(Sometimes I thank God/for unanswered prayers/so remember when you're talkin'/to the man upstairs/just because Philip Rivers didn't sign right away, doesn't mean Drew Brees isn't going to come into his own and you'll be able to trade Rivers to improve your team/some of God's greatest gifts/are quarterbacks from Purdue with strange birthmarks of their face).
AFC South:
Texans: "Rape Me"-Nirvana-(Rape meeeeeee/I have no offensive line/rape meeeeeee/the first draft pick might be mine/my name is David Carr/I'm suicidal...).
Colts: "Super Bowl Shuffle"-'85 Bears-(We're not here to cause no trouble/we're just here to risk our starters getting injured in meaningless games after we've clinched home field playoff advantage because sports journalists have talked us in to doing it).
Jaguars: "Alive"-Pearl Jam-(Is something wrong she says/of course there is/but we're still alive in the playoff hunt despite the fact that Leftwich is hurt and we haven't proven much this year she says/oh, and do we deserve to be?/and is that the question?/and if so, if so/of course not/of course not.).
Titans: "Everybody Hurts"-R.E.M.-(Everybody hurts/take comfort in the fact that Steve McNair should be retiring soon/everybody hurts...sometimes/sometimes you have to center a game plan around Chris Brown).
AFC North:
Bengals: "Finally"-Ce Ce Peniston-(Finally, it has happened to us/we're going to the playoffs/right in front of our face/sports commentators no longer routinely make fun of our team!)
Browns: "Closer to Fine"-Indigo Girls-(And the less our first round draft picks go out due to season ending injuries/ the closer we are to fine).
Steelers: "The Times They Are-A-Changin'"-Bob Dylan-(Come coaches and coordinators, please hear the call/Cincinnati has developed a very potent offense and given their team's youth, it looks though they should could stay on top of the division for quite some time).
Ravens: "Tricky"-Run-DMC-(It's tricky to pass the ball/to pass the ball/to pass the ball/with Boller!/let's forfeit, FORFEIT, forfeit, FORFEIT).
AFC East:
Bills: "Bad"-Michael Jackson-(And the whole world knows we're going to give it to McGahee / so won't you tell us once again/who's bad?)
Patriots: "Like A Rock"-Bob Seger-(Like a rock/Tom was strong as he could be/like a rock/our horribly crippled secondary and crumbling defense couldn't get to me).
Dolphins: "Puff the Magic Dragon"-Peter, Paul, and Mary-(Puff the magic dragon/ abandon your team/then frolic in a new backfield/with the second pick of the draft).
Jets: "Sunday Bloody Sunday"-U2-(I can't believe the news today/Pennington and Jay Fiedler went down in the same game and we were forced to ask Vinny Testaverde to come out of retirement.)
NFC West:
Cardinals: "99 Problems"-Jay-Z-(If you're losing close games/I feel bad for you son/we got 99 problems/but a kicker ain't one).
Rams: "Hit the Road Jack"-Ray Charles-(And don't you come back no more/Mike Martz, Mike Martz, Mike Martz,).
Niners: "Cry"-Faith Hill-(Can you cry a little/lie just a little/pretend that we didn't have to start Cody Pickett at quarterback this season.).
Seahawks: "Respect"-Aretha Franklin-(R-E-S-P-E-C-T/find out how we don't get any because we play in a putrid division).
NFC South:
Falcons: "The Name Game"-Shirley Ellis-(Let's try "Vick"/Vick, Vick, runs sick/Banana fana throws picks/Fe Fi reputation sticks/Vick).
Panthers: "I Want Your Sex"-George Michael-("I want your sex/I want your... cheerleaders' phone numbers).
Saints: "When The Saints Come Marching In"-Unknown Artist-(Oh when the Saints/ go marching in/Oh when the Saints go marching in/Lord, how I wish we didn't have to play our scheduled home games in the opponents' stadium because New Orleans was ravaged by a terrible hurricane that our government was horribly unprepared for and that turned the Superdome into a third-world country of sorts/oh when the Saints go marching in!)
Bucs: "The Gambler"-Kenny Rogers-(On a warm
NFC North:
Bears: "Dream On"-Aerosmith-(Sing with me/sing for the defense/sing for the chance we meet the Vikings in the playoffs).
Lions: "Oops! I Did It Again"-Britney Spears-(Oops, I think I did it again/I used a high first round pick to draft a wide receiver/got lost in trying to improve a position where our team really didn't need help.)
Packers: "Mickey Mouse Club Theme"-Mickey Mouse Club Cast Members-(Now it's time to say goodbye/from our season to you/B-R-E (Eeeeee, I probably shouldn't have thrown that ball into triple coverage) T-T-F (F it, I'm going to keep playing, Aaron Rogers can stay on the bench) A-V-R-E-Y?
Vikings: "God Blessed The Broken Road"-Rascal Flatts-(Every blowout game/led us to where we are/sex party scandals and Culpepper's knee injury/they were like northern stars/leading us on our way/into serious playoff contention/this much I know is true/that God blessed the broken road/that lead us straight to Brad Johnson).
NFC East:
Cowboys: "Mr. Jones"-Counting Crows-(Mr. Jones and me/well we, stare at the beautiful wide receiver acquisitions were going to make in the off season after they are released by a division rival).
Giants: "Beauty and the Beast"-Celine Dion and Peabo Bryson-(Having lots of fun/playing in the East/Eli's going places/Strahan still needs braces/Beauty and the Beast).
Skins: "On the Way Down"-Ryan Cabrera-(On the way down/I saw you/and you saved me from myself/and I won't forget the way you didn't let me keep Arrington on the bench).
Eagles: "Yesterday"-Beatles-(Yesterday/facing the Cowboys or Giants at home was such an easy game to play/now it looks as though TO is having the last laugh in a certain way/oh I believe, in yesterday).