since it seems like we get at least a couple new bowl games, or new names for existing bowl games every year, here's a few that should be on the schedule, and the teams who should be playing in them.

The Dixie Chicks and Pimps' Realty present the "Ho-moaner's (Homeowner's) Bowl"

USC Trojans vs. South Carolina Gamec*cks

obviously, USC will almost certainly be playing for the national championship, but if they were to lose saturday, or the NCAA for some reason imposed sanctions against them which prevented them from playing in a "real" bowl game, this is the game for them.  also, the south carolina gamec*cks would be their opponent.  think about it, what better teams could play in the ho-moaner's bowl?  the trojans, which should always be worn when banging the local hooker, and the gamec*cks. lets be honest, what "john" doesnt want said hooker to play games with his man tool?

 Hertz Rent-A-Car "Simply Ugly Vehicle Bowl"

 Virginia Cavaliers vs. Houston Cougars

 maybe these arent the ugliest vehicles out there, but this is a bowl game i think has some real potential staying power.  with the recent explosion of new car names, i'm sure plenty of current team names will be used for some incredibly ugly forms of transportation. 

 (possible teams for next year's game include the western michigan broncos and boise state broncos....could be a name change to the "O.J. Bowl.")

 The Blue Collar Comedy Tour presents the "Redneck Bowl"

 Kentucky Wildcats vs. Missouri Tigers  OR

 West Virginia Mountaineers vs. Alabama Crimson Tide (TBD)

 with west virginia a possible candidate for a bcs berth, the likely matchup here is kentucky vs. missouri.  what could be better than a bunch of hillbilly types wearing uniforms with suspenders, and carrying shotguns on the sidelines?  kind of like the hatfields vs. mccoys, only on a football field with yardlines that nobody can read.

 Purina presents the "Come and Get It Dog Food Bowl"

 Washington Huskies vs. Georgia Bulldogs

 this one is a natural fit, and another bowl game that could become an annual tradition with several other schools having nicknames of the kanine variety.  in a pinch, the name could be changed to accept teams with feline names such as cougars, panthers, wildcats or tigers.

 The American Federation of Science presents the "Gene Splicing Bowl"

 Cincinatti Bearcats vs. Mississippi State Bulldogs

 maybe i'm just not that smart (is there really any doubt at this point?), but i just dont know what a bearcat is, or how they first came to be.  i'm also pretty sure that, depending on how bulls and dogs were first cross-bred, it could have been extremely painful for the poor dog.

 The International Institution of Group Ther@pists presents the "Animal Anger Management Bowl"

 North Carolina State Wolfpack vs. Marshall Thundering Herd

 i've personally never seen an angry wolfpack, but i'm sure they dont give off a sense of ease and happiness to those in their path.  i do have some idea of how dangerous a thundering herd can be from watching hundreds of western movies in which a stampede was caused on a cattle drive.  2 words for you.....not pretty.  and from watching various programs on animal planet, my guess is a wolfpack would be more dangerous than a group of lions on the prowl, and would easily take care of business against a herd of....whatever kind of herd marshall is.

 Roy Rogers Museum presents the "Old West Bowl"

 Oklahoma State Cowboys vs. Illinois Fighting Illini

 this game could easily be changed from a football game to a paintball war.  linemen would have to stand still for skill position players (or any other gangster wannabe) to use as a shield, until one team or the other is out of WR, RB, QB, CB, S, and even kickers....on second thought, lets stick to football.

 American Dental Association presents "Dental Care Bowl"

 Florida Gators vs. Southern Miss

 i think every aligator could use some free dental care which is standard for every player, coach, band member and fan that gains legitimate entrance to the stadium where the game is played.  wondering why southern miss is playing in this game?  simple, brett favre is now doing sensadyne commercials, and do i need to mention the hillbilly nature of those living in mississippi?  (j/k of course...kinda)

 The National Forest Rangers present the "If You Dont Give A Hoot, Then Leave Bowl"

 Temple Owls vs. Stanford Cardinal

 much to my surprise, temple is not the only school nicknamed the owls, so this bowl could be a possibility for more than just this year.  confused as to why i chose stanford?  quite simple actually, their mascot is a friggin tree.  yeah, i know its lame.

 Select Sires presents the "Breeder's Cup Bowl"

 Texas Longhorns vs. South Florida Bulls

 get it?  ok, i'll explain.  first off, select sires is well known in the dairy farming industry in the field of artificial insemination.  assuming the term "longhorns" refers to female bovines, this matchup is perfect.

 now, for my personal favorite, which i got the inspiration from an actual game in which one of those teams is also in my version.

 Dell Computers presents the "Flaming Pile of Crap Bowl"

 Miami Hurricanes vs. Michigan State Spartans

 miami is actually going to play in some game sponsored by computers (the name escapes me at the moment).  seriously, what team deserves to be in this game more than either of these 2?  ok, maybe florida international, but i refuse to have a rematch, because as we all know rematches are bad (mmkay) and honestly, i'm afraid a rematch could actually result in a bigger shootout than the climax in an old western.  oh, and for those who have been around long enough, you already know how i feel about dell computers.

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this could get me in big trouble, but i'm gonna say it anyway....

 hardees fast food chain has come out with an interesting slogan for their new chili cheese fries that goes like this:  "if it doesnt get all over the place, it doesnt belong in your face."

 i cant believe that they got permission from paris hilton to use her personal slogan.  i'm sure a lawsuit is already being prepared by hilton's attorney over this issue, and if they ever read this, i'll probably be sued too.  the only way i think hardees can get away with this is if paris wasnt smart enough to register this as her trademark slogan.