Some outtakes from today's Congressional baseball hearings:

* "I'm not here to talk about Roger's ass." -- MLB Commissioner Bud Selig

* "Mr. Fehr, please state for the record that your last name is misspelled, and that it's actually pronounced 'Fear' " -- Rep. Henry Waxman, D-Calif., chairman of the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform

* "Senator Mitchell, what would you say to a Red Sox fan who says, 'Great job nailing all them dirty, cheatin' Yankees'?" -- Rep. Stephen F. Lynch, D-Massachusetts

* "Gentlemen, last time we met was March 17, 2005, when we listened to unsubstantiated crap and missed out on green wings and half-priced pitchers at Applebees, so please don't waste my (bleeping) time again." -- Rep. Tom Davis (R-Virg), Ranking Minority Member

* "Yes, senator, I do think Fay is a rather sissy name for a sports commissioner." -- Commissioner Selig

* "Senator Mitchell, please explain a little something to those of who don't quite understand your 'unimpeachable' record: Why, exactly, would anyone listen to a fella from Maine?" -- Rep. Kenny Marchant (R-Texas)

* (Pointing his finger at the Congressional panel) "I did NOT sell a lemon to anyone, ever." -- Commissioner Selig

* "If you had to estimate, commissioner, just how small do you think their thingies are after all this drug use?" -- Rep. Waxman

* "I told you so!" -- Jose Canseco

* "Representative Marchant, why would I care if Tony Romo went to Mexico?" -- Commissioner Selig.

* "Commissioner Selig, do you think steroids affected Chuck Knoblauch's ability to throw to first base?" -- Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-NC)

* "My wife is pretty damn hot, isn't she?" -- Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-Ohio)

* "Can someone tell me once and for all: Did Roger Clemens's lawyer own and operate the restaurant on "Northern Exposure"? -- Rep. Christopher Shays (R-Conn)

* "Senator, it's been a long time since a grown man made light of my name, but thank you for that." -- Michael Weiner, general counsel for the MLB players union, and Fehr's point man on the steroids issue

* "Frankly, if some abscessed-butt athlete called my house, acted like he was worried about my son, then tried to trap me into recanting my story in a moment of weakness? All while taping it? Why, I'd say that boy's got a future in politics." -- Rep. Dan Burton (R-Indiana)