Sunday, December 30, 2007, 11:19 AM EST
[
NASCAR]
Spoiler Alert....
I have taken the liberty of looking ahead to next years Sprextel Cup season. Here are the highlights so you won't have to waste your time watching all of it.
Speed Weeks in February: Tony will bitch about his new Toyota. Lil E's fans will bitch about Johnson and Gordon getting better equipment. There will be some cheating, some fines, and some suspensions. You gotta admit I'm batting 1.000 so far. Oh yeah, Martin Truex wins the 500.
Vegas 3/11: Robby Gordon wins... no not the race. He cashes in at the Bellagio, which is much harder than winning at the track. Kurt Bush wins his first of the year.
Bristol 3/25: There will be three cautions and one red flag in the last 20 laps. Oh, and a green,white,checkered finish. Jeff Gordon wins.
Texas 4/15: The TV guys will talk about how huge the crowd is. No mention will be made about how great the racing is. Harvick wins it.
Talladega 4/29: Over/under on how many times 'the big one' will be mentioned is 20. Welcome to victory lane Clint Bowyer.
All Star Race 5/19: Fox TV infomercial for their other shows. Kyle Bush is the man tonight.
Coke 600 5/29: The longest night in racing, and no that's not a good thing. Kasey Kahne breaks the Hendrick stranglehold at Charlotte, and puts the King of Beers back in the winner's circle.
Sonoma 6/24: Tony Stewart knocks Montoya out of the way to win his first race for Toyota.
Pepsi 400 7/7: Back to the beach, and Lil E's cousin/crew chief still won't listen to Gordon 's or Johnson's crew chiefs, and Jr still won't win.
Brickyard 400 7/29: I watched the first 10 laps, fell asleep, watched the last 10 laps, didn't miss a damn thing. Kurt Bush kissed the bricks.
Bristol 8/25: Best race of the year until the drivers started points racing there so they won't fall out of the Chase. Kyle Bush cruises.
Rock and Roll 400: The race that sets the Chase. Except that all but one or two of the top 12 are already set. I know you've been waiting for it and finally Lil E breaks through to win the race and a spot in the Chase. Others in the Chase are, JJ, Jeff Gordon, Kyle and Kurt, Stewart, Kahne, Truex, Edwards, Harvick, Kenseth and, Biffle.
Talladega 9/8: The only watchable race in the Chase. Why you ask, because it's the only one where the drivers are racing, and not just protecting their points posistions. Oh, oh, Jimmy Johnson takes it.
Atlanta 10/28: Plenty of good seats still available. Boooorrrrring. Don't tell me JJ wins again.
Homestead 11/18: The points championship is down to JJ, Kurt Bush, and longshot Truex. Not to worry, Johnson doesn't win three in a row. Kurt wins the race and the hardware.