What a thrill to watch the LeBronze cough, sputter and wheeze his way through the big finish last night. At one point, after tanking a layup and bricking too many free throws, I thought the refs would have to call time because the King launched an airball so fluffy it might never land. Whether he was just tired from having played nearly every second of the playoffs, or if he was feeling the heat, the King was dead last night. Long live the King. But I wasn't thrilled because he choked. I was thrilled because his team didn't choke. It's quickly becoming clear that LeBron is one of those unique athletes who makes his team better because they believe they are never out of game as long as he is present. The Cav's didn't win because of LeBron, they won because of the idea of LeBron. Nice. Write it down guys, last night the NBA's most important player was crowned. I hope he gets rid of the scowl though. He reminds me a lot more of Earvin Johnson than Michael Jordan. By the way, LeBron's biggest fan right now has to be Shaquille O'Neal. Basketball's author of "How To Win a Championship Without Even Trying" wants nothing more than to avoid having to show up for an entire series against Ben Wallace. So Joey Porter has a bone to pick with the President. What's the early line on whether he disappears from that confrontation too? Porter came out of the SB "okay" after running his mouth about Jerramy Stevens, but not because his game had anything to do with it. Stevens abused the Steelers D, running free all day. He just didn't finish, and it wasn't because Porter was stopping him. Now Joey has threatened to sound off on a wimpy little suit who flexes the collective muscles of others. Good for Joe. I can't wait to see if he comes through. Maybe it's time that the man with the plan realized that we're his boss. We hired him and we could have fired him too. Not that W will be writing Joey a refund check, but for once Porter has some beef behind his banter. I live in New England, which is kind of ironic because I hate the old one. But here, the place where we pahk cahs, and play in our yahds, Doug Flutie is a big deal. So when #2 announced his farewell, it was met with much commentary. My thought, so what? He made a drop kick, big deal. Fluite was an okay QB. He hung around forever. If there had been an Iranian football leage, he would have played there too. Yes he was 5'9" tall. Whoop de dooh. They still think Baseball is the National Past time here, so it doesn't surprise me that they celebrate a guy whose best play ever was still that hail mary to Gerard Phelan. The Carolina Hurricanes are playing well enough to win another Stanley Cup. That leads me to two questions. Who had the idea to put an NHL franchise in either Carolina? Doesn't having a hockey Champion in Carolina seem almost as unnatural as having teams in Florida win the Cup. Canadians must be crapping their pants. The Florida Panthers, the Tampa Bay Lightning, and the Carolina Hurricanes are the best that Hockey has to offer. How's that for a kick in Le BonBons? Me and the three other Americans who occasionally watch hockey get a real kick out of this. If I had to pick an NHL rookie of the year, it would probably be Sidney Crosby. Why, he's a teamer, not a scorer. It was really sad to see 86 year old Mario Lemieux retire this year. What was even sadder was knowing that Mario was the 2nd best player on his team. I had the pleasure of watching Mario in his prime and it always upset me when he was regularly ignored in comparisons to Gretzky. Lemieux was better than Gretzky, so much more talented it wasn't even close. But while Wayne Gretzky fashioned himself into the Pete Rose of Hockey, Mario skated alongside the Great Two, making moves, passes and shots of which Gretzky could only fantasize. Will we ever see another talent like Lemieux? We'd better pack our picnic baskets. But that's all stuf I've seen recently. Here are a few things I'd like to see: Larry Brown accepts a buy out from the Knicks, retires for 18 seconds, has his pelvis, kidneys and pancreas replaced and then becomes the Head Coach of the Pittsburgh Steelers. Brown tells the media "Hey, at least they play defense here", "besides that, if I can babysit Alan Iverson, Rasheed Wallace and Stephon Marbury, Joey Porter and Hines Ward will be a vacation". The NFL announces two expansion franchises, one in Hong Kong and one in Tokyo. That'll teach 'em for kicking our butts in math, science and cheap labor. Of course the NFL sends the 49ers to play the first game against The Hong Kong PointyLizards. Alex Smith throws 17 interceptions in the 1st half, before Trent Dilfer comes on to pull out the 3 point win in OT. Hong Kong paper sports page reads "Crouching Monster, Weeping Lizards". I'll wait for the movie. Lawrence Taylor leaps into the ESPN booth to crush Joe Theismann and break his other leg in half. 73% of the fans can't tell the difference between Theismann's continuous, agonizing screams and his normal, endless blather. The other 27% are just happy he'll be in the hospital for a while. Mike Tyson accepts one more big payoff to return to the ring against an 11 year old boy with Leukemia. Tyson is knocked out instantly in the first round by the sound of the bell ringing. Guinness immediately enters him in the Book of World records as the first man ever to be tougher before he went to prison than after he got out. David Letterman and Hollywood Hulk Hogan square off with Jay Leno and Stone Cold Steve Austin in Wrestlemania #whatever. Letterman and Hogan pull out the win when Rowdy Roddy Piper intervenes and smashes a beer keg and a 57 Chevy over the heads of Austin and Leno. Evidently, Piper never got over the way NBC treated Letterman when Carson retired.