It's the middle of Fabruary, and you know what that means.  Yep, two weeks from now, Garth Brooks and Billy Crystal get their name in the box score whilst some NRI starts making plans for Rochester.  Since Joaquin Phoenix is "switching careers" (If you're buying into this, you've been had.  This is clearly an emo version of Sasha Baron Cohen.  Plus, hello, it was Letterman.  Andy Kaufman anyone?), why not play some ball?

Hey, it would be worth five good minutes on PTI (Links to pics below):

"I'm here with Joaquin Phoenix.  He claims he is retiring from Hollywood and joining the Washington Nationals as a non-roster invitee. You know of anyone else who flip flops on retirements?"

"Gwyneth paltrow named her kid Apple."

"How about some dap for my Cubs.  They landed Bill Murray today.  You think he can hit your fastball?"

"I don't know.  Playing in fornt of so many people is hard."

"I'm sure you'll agree with me that Isabella Rosellini still gets it done."

"I don't know who that is."

"Is that tobacco?"

"They made me give up the gum."