Speaking of Halloween, did anyone read the tasty tidbit that Jon Kitna dressed like the coach who drove though the drive-thru naked? His wife dressed like the fast food restaurant.
Speaking of Jon Kitna, did anyone read about his friend who went as Jon Kitna to a Halloween party? My question is, how did they know it was Jon Kitna and not Bull from Night Court?
Speaking of Night Court, Markie Post was hot. Whatever happened to her?
Speaking of post, can anyone stop Randy Moss when he runs one?
Speaking of one, there will be only one undefeated team left by the end of the day.
Speaking of undefeated teams, Don Shula, the head coach of the undefeated 1972 Miami Dolphins, basically called Nick Saban a liar. And he also said his pants were on fire.
Speaking of liars, Michael Vick is a liar. Bill Belichick is just a cheater.
Speaking of cheaters, did Tom Brady cheat on one supermodel while with another? The poor ####.
Speaking of poor ####s, how about them New York Jets. Mangenius is quickly becoming Mangina. Bunch of ####.
Speaking of ####, I will be hiding from all the Jets fans who will be out gunning for me for the comment above. If I do go outside I will be wearing a mask.
I read the news today, oh, boy. The defensive free agents this year are making a goddamned killing.
I know what you’re thinking—“These contracts are just for show, the players could be cut at any time with no remuneration. Just look at Drew Bledsoe’s non-existent $100 million contract.” Ok maybe you wouldn’t use the word “remuneration,” but, I just want to say that the current trend proves otherwise.
Atlanta Falcons DE Patrick Kerney has signed with the Seattle Seahawks for $19.5 million in guaranteed money.
Joey Porter agreed to play for the Miami Dolphins for five years for $32 million with $20 million guaranteed.
And, good ol’ Nate Clements, the highest paid defensive player in league history, signed with the San Francisco 49ers for $80 million with $22 million guaranteed.
Is this insane to anyone but me? This may be big business, but let’s get real—it’s still just a #### game. Can anyone tell me what other professions could actually be worth getting $20 million? How about cancer researchers? Bridge builders? NASA scientists? How about neuron-surgeons? Hell, Jonas Salk found a cure for polio and he probably couldn’t have gotten aboard the Minnesota Vikings' Love Boat.
All I’m saying is let’s put this in perspective. Don Maynard, the Super Bowl III wide receiver who helped the New York Jets win the title in 1969, played for $7600 in his rookie year with the New York Giants. He, along with many other players at that time, had to work second jobs in the off season to make a decent wage. Maynard, a college graduate, made $8600 being a plumber when he wasn’t wearing his number 13 jersey. Imagine that? A plumber making more than a wide receiver. Ahh, those were the days.
Chris Deilman left $10 million on the table to re-sign with the San Diego Chargers. A lot of people are touting this guys ethics. “Kudos for staying with the team and not going for the money!” they shout. Hello? He is still making $39 million—and he isn’t even the quarterback.
All this talk of people making millions playing a kid’s game is making me a little ill. There are regular, every-day people out there with regular, everyday problems. I know, I’m one of them. I have to go now because I’m taking out a second mortgage to get the Roto-Rooter guy to come fix my leaking toilet. I hope it’s Don Maynard—maybe I could get an autograph.
Larry Star gained international celebrity as the infamous eBay “Wedding Dress Guy.” It was Larry’s caustic wit that catapulted him into the limelight with what Time.com called the “funniest eBay ad ever!” That same irreverent humor can be found in his first book, Bitter, Party of One... Your Table Is Ready: Relationship Advice From A Guy Who Has No Business Giving It. (Bitterbooks. com) He’s had numerous appearances on NBC’s Today and MSNBC’s Countdown with Keith Obermann and has also been the feature of many magazine and newspaper articles across the country. Touted as a modern day renaissance man, this humorist, and self-proclaim ed “sarcasmist,” is also a noted songwriter, musician, and poet. His music has been heard on the airwaves in New York and Seattle. He also penned the theme song to one of the most popular talkradio shows in New York City back in the mid-nineties, WABC’s Lionel in the Morning. His other current projects include co-authoring an advice book with Dr. Manuel Gomes, writing a cookbook, performing with his band, and completing a sequel to Bitter, Party of One.... He resides in the Seattle area, as far away from his exes as possible.
