How was your Halloween?

Speaking of Halloween, did anyone read the tasty tidbit that Jon Kitna dressed like the coach who drove though the drive-thru naked? His wife dressed like the fast food restaurant.

Speaking of Jon Kitna, did anyone read about his friend who went as Jon Kitna to a Halloween party? My question is, how did they know it was Jon Kitna and not Bull from Night Court?

Speaking of Night Court, Markie Post was hot. Whatever happened to her?

Speaking of post, can anyone stop Randy Moss when he runs one?

Speaking of one, there will be only one undefeated team left by the end of the day.

Speaking of undefeated teams, Don Shula, the head coach of the undefeated 1972 Miami Dolphins, basically called Nick Saban a liar. And he also said his pants were on fire.

Speaking of liars, Michael Vick is a liar. Bill Belichick is just a cheater.

Speaking of cheaters, did Tom Brady cheat on one supermodel while with another? The poor ####.

Speaking of poor ####s, how about them New York Jets. Mangenius is quickly becoming Mangina. Bunch of ####.

Speaking of ####, I will be hiding from all the Jets fans who will be out gunning for me for the comment above. If I do go outside I will be wearing a mask.

Speaking of masks, how was your Halloween?

Lately, whenever you see a journalist interview someone about a volatile subject, there is always that feeling after the interview that the journalist was too soft; they didn’t ask the right questions. That was laid to rest when I saw Bob Costas’ interview with Roger Goodell about the Patriots’ illegal taping of the New York Jets defensive signals.

The question on a lot of people’s minds was why was Wade Wilson’s penalty more severe than Bill Belichick’s? Wade Wilson was fined $100,000, one-third of his salary and suspended for five games, for acquiring and taking HGH, supposedly as a treatment for his diabetes. Wade was not involved in any type of trafficking the HGH to any players. It was a personal undertaking. He is not a player; his taking HGH wouldn’t make Tony Romo be a better quarterback, so many felt his fine and consequence excessive.

Much to my surprise, Bob Costas asked that very question to Mr. Goodell during the interview. Mr. Goodell’s response was quick, decisive and concise. He said that Wade Wilson’s violation was illegal from a criminal perspective while Bill Belichick’s was only in violation of NFL rules. Add that to the fact that he holds coaches to a higher standard than players, he tacked on an extra game of suspension to Wade’s punishment.

My hat is off to both Mr. Costas and Mr. Goodell. Great questions were asked, understandable, fair answers were given and I didn’t come away feeling that some issues were skirted or double talk was thrown at me.

Only one question went unanswered: Am I the only one in America who felt that Bob Costas was interviewing the host of The Apprentice?

Pacman Jones, cornerback for the Tennessee Titans, said that NFL Commissioner Goodell is out of line with the suspension handed down. According to Jones, he was never charged with any crime and therefore feels the suspension is excessive.

The only thing Pacman has done was just get arrested five times, speak to police ten times and fail to report to the Titans two arrests in Georgia last year. A felony obstruction charge for allegedly biting (yes, you read that right: biting) a Fayetteville, Ga., police officer was delayed until May, so technically he is correct.

Call me a conspiracy theorist, but, didn’t Chris Henry, the Bengals WR—and current number 2 on the NFL’s Most Wanted List, attend the same school as Jones? Why, yes, I believe they were teammates at West Virginia.

Let’s dig a little deeper into that aspect of this University being the root cause whole NFL “bad behavior” thing, shall we? Looking at the list of NFL players that school has turned out, you can easily see my theory that WVU is breeding NFL gangstas. All the players below have attended WVU:

1. Todd Sauerbrun, P, Patriots. This guy was having steroid parties with Bobby Bonds, Mark McGwire and Tonya Harding. He claims his bulking up was from eating lots of meatloaf.
2. Marc Bulger, QB, Rams. Although this WVU thief has yet to be arrested and charged with a felony, he is known for stealing the quarterback job away from MVP Kurt Warner. At gunpoint. Using Brenda as a shield.
3. Jerry Porter, WR, Raiders. Jerry is on the list for extortion and discarding. He wouldn’t give Randy Moss his number 84 when Moss came to the Raiders unless Moss coughed up mega-bucks in blood money. Moss refused to play ball so he took number 18 instead. This year Porter changed his number from 84 to 81. That’s just plain and utter ####, if you ask me.
4. Anthony Becht, TE, Buccaneers. Wayne Chrebet basically made this bad-boy look like a winner. Chrebet retired, Becht moved on and now he is stealing paychecks in sunny Tampa Bay.
5. Mike Vanderjagt, K, last with the Cowboys. #### kicker. Need I say more?

It is my contention that Mr. Goodell better keep an eye on Dan Mozes on Draft day. The big center hails from, you guessed it—WVU. Word on the street is he is the second coming of Bugsy Siegel.

The paternity findings for Anna Nicole Smith’s baby, Danielynn, will be released shortly. I want to be the first to tell you that the father is none other than New England Patriots’ QB, Tom Brady. Apparently Tommy Boy has had his, uh, hand, in everyone—I mean, everything, lately.

Tom has been so busy with women he should enlist his backup to be his wingman. By the way, can anyone tell me who Tom Brady’s backup is? If I were told the lives of my ex-wives were hanging on my answer, I couldn’t tell you (even if I knew it).

Backup quarterbacks have predominantly been faceless figures in the NFL. But there are those few who have been thrust into the starting role and excelled to superstardom. Tom Brady is one name that pops up.

Brady replaced an injured Drew Bledsoe and led the team to its first Superbowl win. Rich Gannon was a perennial backup, mostly to Elvis Grbac in Kansas City (there’s a blast from the past), but then excelled as the starter for the Raiders and led them to a Superbowl birth. And who can talk about a rags-to-riches story without mentioning Kurt Warner of the Rams.

Conversely there are those backups who get thrown into the limelight and then falter due to lack of preparation, a good surrounding team or just plain old athleticism. Any Raiders’, Redskins’, or Ravens’ QB of recent vintage comes to mind.

But then there is that one anomaly. The guy who gets his shot, has a great game or two, and then chokes in the big one. I am, of course, speaking of Dallas Cowboys’ QB, Tony Romo.

What Romo did last season was just this much short of a Cinderella story. He came in, played great, had thousands of people vote for him for the Pro Bowl, then he sucked the rest of the year, ultimately choking in the last playoff game with the Seahawks.

Tony got the limelight AND the girls. Chicks were lining up just to date him. Not just any chicks, but celebrities like Country star Carrie Underwood. The problem was that Romo was doing the Tom Brady thing, but he did it in the wrong order. First win, AND THEN get the hot famous chick. See, Tony? It isn’t that hard. (Well, maybe it was, and that was the problem.)

I also have a theory that the same people who voted for Romo for the Pro Bowl are also voting for Sanjaya on American Idol. FACT: Romo was dating a former American Idol winner.

Does anyone but me smell conspiracy?