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by: ublanj
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It Was Rigged: The Conspiracy Series
May 31, 2008 | 6:23AM | report this

Don't let the headline fool you, Lakers beat my Spurs legit. I can accept that there just wasn't enough in the tank to overcome a hobbled Ginobili. There might not have been enough to counter with a healthy one.

Still, does anybody find it funny that the two teams in the NBA Finals are the ones that had there former legendary players engineer obviously lopsided trades to the most storied franchises in NBA history? And then before it can be discussed the NBA throws the no flopping rule out there. w

I found it very appropriate that Jerry West was out to handle the post game ceremonies. Seeing as how he handed over the piece that kept Kobe with the Lakers on a silver platter. Kobe deemed it a "donation", not a trade. On the radio, West refused to get into it, flip flopping more than a political cartoon of John Kerry.

If only Kevin McHale MC'ed the Celtics ceremony.

Don't get me wrong, I will watch the NBA finals as enthusiastically as I do any decent matchup. I hate to be that guy, and don't take this post too seriously, but just throwing that little bit of information out there and hoping some of you will run with it.

3 Comments | Add a comment   category: NBA
 
Top 10 Reasons Hornets Fans are Douche Bags
May 19, 2008 | 9:04PM | report this

Something strange occured while the nation attacked the Spurs on everything from dirty play, flopping, and destruction of the NBA and Western civilization as we know it.

Spurs fans got a taste of being the bad guy. And you know what? I kind of like it. After years of criticism for being too soft to be a dynasty its a little funny our silver and black would be associated with the Raiders black and silver.

While I suppose it would be good to show some class and look the other way, might as well revel in rooting for a team hated by every other fan base in the league--Especially Suns fans. If you're still reading just know your team still sucks, your coach is fired, and Amare and Boris still got of the bench on their own.

With all that being said, I give you--in no particular order--the top 10 reason a good chunk of New Orleans fans are #### bags.

1.) Bandwagoners. Going into the season it was obvious Chris Paul was amongst the most electric players in the NBA and a top flight point guard. Did that stir excitement? No. New Orleans still ranked towards the bottom of the league in attendance until after the All-
Star break when a playoff spot was secured.

2.) A continuation of take one. New Orleans has now shown shaky support for two of the most exciting players in NBA history, so what's to make people think its going to change? New Orleans should still be the Jazz. Instead they banished LSU icon Pistol Pete to Utah.

3.) In a town of voodoo and superstition, why would you change up something that was working? Where were the yellow shirts? The change to white was just bad karma all over it.

4.) For a couple of days Hornets fans and Suns fans were one and the same over Robert Horry. While the Spurs victory will last only until the next series, all the YouTube shots of Horry and Bowen the past two years will last forever.

5.) Speaking of YouTube, reason five is New Orleans' media. Putting a byline and credit over a blog that just takes YouTube clips and puts them on a page. That's just horrible journalism.

6.) Because Robert Horry hit more than David West's back. Those threes were big.

7.) Refusal to take blame. It was the refs fault in San Antonio and somehow Robert Horry's fault in the grand scheme of things. A rule of thumb, you can't blame the President for something as complex as the levies when you can't handle something as simple as a mascot routine.

8.) For David West looking like someone pooed in his cereal the entire series. Smile guy.

9.) Throwing ice onto the floor. Real mature. [And yes, I know chanting Robert Horry while West is writhing in pain is also. I don't condone it. Am saddened by it. But F-- it. You want a villain now Spurs fans are more than happy to oblige].

10.) Woooooo. Wooooooo. Wooooooo. Wooooooo. Wooooooo. Woooooo. Wooooooo. Woooooo. Woooooo. Nothing's lamer than coming up with an unoriginal chant for a player scoring just to try and get the home crowd involved. Woooo. Woooooo. Wooooo. Wooooo. Wooooo. Wooooo. I'm not sure why everyone wanted the Hornets to advance. Wooooo. Wooo.

19 Comments | Add a comment   category: NBA
 
Kobe Still Getting No Love
May 03, 2008 | 1:43AM | report this

Lakerz ar da best. All you hataz recognize, after all he do this year Kobe still get no love from the media. Guy jumped a car for Kobe's sake. Only MVP? He deserves a three letter title but these boyz don't kno, Kobe da truth...Kobe is GOD. They gonna beat the Jazz by 100 points each game and Kobe is going to average 85 PPG cuz he is the best player in the history of the world. He had a cure for cancer but his fellow scientists sucked so bad they couldn't get it done. Can't believe all the hataz thinking Kobe will only average 30 ppg in the next series. Thatz disrespectful. Kobe no. 1, Kobe God, Ya'ay.

(Editor's Note: This post represents your typical Laker fans point of view. Thought they deserved this recognition in honor of their boy.)

6 Comments | Add a comment   category: NBA
 
Suns fans get what they deserve
Apr 29, 2008 | 11:24PM | report this

Not so much a coherent blog as this is a rant: How you like 'dem apples Suns fans?! Been waiting for a whole year after your constant bickering about getting cheated and #### by David Stern and the NBA conspiracies.

Amare Stoudamire and Boris Diaw played in every game. Shaq did an excellent job on Duncan in the low post. And Shawn Marion met his exact averages for every playoff game he's ever played against the Spurs [what's that you say, he was with the Heat? well it was hard to tell when he was on the floor while he was with the Suns during these series].

So now I'm wondering what excuses are going to get rolled out this year? The hack-a-Shaq a dirty move by a dirty team? Floppers? Foul Trouble? Spurs cheating? Or will you follow D'Antoni's lead and sneak in Tony Parker's little push offs?

It's going to be a fun offseason, regardless of what happens in the upcoming season. Why, because we don't have to watch overrate Amare Stoudamire and the horrible Suns fans complain at every opportunity--Except for the occasional drop in to mention how boring the playoffs are and how impossible the Spurs are to watch...I can live with that.

14 Comments | Add a comment   category: NBA
 
Blame Amare, Not Shaq/D'Antoni/Nash
Apr 26, 2008 | 12:35AM | report this

When looking back at Steve Nash's surefire Hall of Fame career, it will become apparent that both his biggest curse and blessing were all rolled up in a pair of explosive, surgically reconstructed knees.

Nash and Shaq will share the brunt of the blame when it comes to explaining Tony Parker's career night. Both former MVP's will be, no doubt, derided for their inability to play pick and roll defense. The calls for Shawn Marion will even pop up again.

But when you look at the trade that changed the Suns chemistry midseason, it was a move that had to be done. The Suns, as constructed to start the season, were not going to win in the playoffs. They had several unsuccessful opportunities to dethrone the Spurs and now only face a tougher west.

Now that the Suns stand on the brink of elimination thanks to their horrid pick and roll defense, everyone will pile on the Shaq trade for ruining their team. But before looking at the Suns veteran leaders, try pointing a finger at Amare Stoudamire.

For his part Shaq has done everything the Suns have asket him to, namely eliminating Duncan as a post option. It was never fair to expect Shaq and Nash to competently defend the pick and roll. If the Suns were going to take the next step it was going to have to fall on the wildly talented, but vastly overrated shoulders of Stoudamire.

As much a liability as Nash is on the defensive end, Stoudamire has been 10 times worse. After seasons of failed defensie rotations, failed positioning, and failure to improve, it's become obvious that Stoudamire is merely a one-dimensional player.

It was his inability to improve in the slightest that neccessitated the Marion trade. Any team with a decent big--of which there are many now in the West--would be able to match up the Suns. Worse, the physical capabilities are there to dominate on the defensive end.

Ask yourself how teh Suns can't exploit a Barry, Oberto pick and roll setup like the Spurs can any pick and roll defenders the Suns have. Shaq, at the very least, can guard Duncan in the post. He can rebound.

Nash is an accomplished charge taker, and not as bad a liability as you'd think. Stoudamire has proven so inept on defense that the Suns have brought everyone and the kitchen sink around him to hide his deficencies and keep him out of foul trouble. Eventually the onus will have to fall on him.

There's a reason the Suns tried to trade him for Garnett in the offseason.

4 Comments | Add a comment   category: nba
 
Team USA: Does Anyone Else Feel Cheated?
Aug 31, 2007 | 8:35AM | report this

For those that stayed up late to watch our guys dismantle the Argentina junior varsity team, Team USA offered quite a few treats.  The Carmelo Anthony dunk over two defenders ranks just below Vince Carter leaping over a seven-footer in all-time great Olympic dunks.

Jason Kidd is showing once again just how valuable a great point guard (i.e. not Allen Iverson, Stephon Marbury, and for the time being Chris Paul) is in influencing a game.  The failed alley-oop attempt to Lebron James off the glass in a half court set was just creative genius and still deserves a look on the highlight reel despite the botched dunk.

Indeed, if I ran Gatorade I would immediately look back to the edited moments in sports history advertising and show Lebron finsihing the play with the statement: Is it in you: if only Lebron drank Gatorade.

Because the presence of Kidd and Kobe Bryant, this may be the best team since the David Robinson, Shaq, and Hakeem patrolled the frontlines.  All this being said, does anyone else but me feel cheated during this tournament?

What defines a great team, with the exception of the Dream Team, is the level of competition it faces.  Staying up for last nights game, I had hoped to finally catch a spark of adversity for our guys.  The Argentines have perhaps the best run international team in the world and have hit a perfect storm of coaching and players at the right time to become a world power in basketball.

Even last night we saw Scola and his group exploit some of the weaknesses in Team USA, namely any big guy with a pulse (Suns fans, STAT is still horrible on defense), and teams that are proficient in running high post plays and backdoor cuts.

Make no mistake, Bryant and Anthony destroyed team Argentina.  But the South Americans also got a lot of clean looks at the basket which simply did not fall.  If you look at their dismal shooting percentage, one would assume that the Americans contested every three point shot.  But in watching the game, they missed a lot of open looks.

What's of more concern is that our defense, despite some great pressure, still allowed the offense to get deep into the paint.  Fortunately none of the players last night are nowhere near as proficient as their missing teammates in finishing contested layups.

While enjoying the win last night, realize that the open looks given up last night are only going to multiply when the real Argentina team returns.  And with Manu Ginobili, Andres Nocioni, and Walter Hermann taking the shots we can bet that they are more likely to go in.

And that's why I feel cheated.  Team Argentina is probably the most cohesive team in the world, and normally a true test for us.  But with the third string in last night, and Luis Scola in foul trouble, we missed an opportunity to witness great basketball.  Even the addition of Ginobili would provide Team USA with one player that they couldn't guard straight up. 
And for those absences, and to see how far we have really come, I feel robbed.

 

60 Comments | Add a comment   category: NBA
 
Perspective: A Nation's Skewed Sense of Morality (They Were, After All, Just Dogs)
Aug 29, 2007 | 12:42PM | report this

A thousand pardons if I am not in a hurry to enshrine Michael Vick's name in the Adolf #### Hall-of-Fame for the most di####able men in human history as so many of you have rushed to do.  I suppose God will just have to forgive me.

Color me racist also, if you will, for not buying into the load about Vick being a marked man due to the color of his skin.  NAACP leadres and controversial televsion analysts be damned.  The idea of playing the race card in attempt to deflect accountability for a man's actions hinders a person's ability to really grow.

Vick and his cohorts may have committed a disgusting act, and compounded their troubles by setting up a gambling ring that crossed state lines, but they (well, Vick) do not deserve the amount of scrutiny they have received in the court of public opinion. 

What is deserved is the one to five years that the gambling charges hold.  A loss of reputation for sure.  But given the time that will be served, is Vick not also worthy of a second chance?  They were, after all, just dogs.

While those six words may send animals lovers and decent people in an uproar -- the thought that people have used that reasoning to defend Vick's actions is literally sickening -- when contrasted and put into context with some of the other actions found on the back pages of our newspapers, what does it say about our moral priorities?

Many have pointed out that while Vick has been so scrutinized, other, more serious crimes such as murder, rape, or abuse have largely escaped the national spotlight.  Some have even tried to shape that fact as evidence there really is an agenda to tear down successful black men. After all,  lots of people become victims each day without nearly a whisper.  But a black quarterback abuses a couple of dogs and it is a national scandal (other's reasoning, not mine).

But beneath the fold (aspring journalists should know this term), in the back pages, and on the side bars of websites are a couple of stories reporting crimes much more heinous than any Vick committed.  Yet the facts of each case hardly raise an eyebrow.  Is race a factor? Some may think so, but consider a few of the stories that have yet to break onto CNN.

Houston Rockets point guard Rafer Alston, he of AND1 fame, is about as hip-hop and #### you could get.  Yet we care little to read that he reportedly stabbed a man in the neck after a dispute in a night club.  That crime goes beyond cruelty to animals, it is attempted murder.  But while the story may still develop as we learn more details, newspaper have yet to pick up on the scandal as it only had a brief mention on the last page of today's San Antonio Express-News.

And while it may be responsible to get all the facts before causing a national scene, especially as it concerns the life of a man, contrast this reaction with the thousands of rumor and hate-filled columns reported on Vick before evidence was release.  Or consider the Duke Lacrosse Team.

Even better, applaud the government for stepping in on the nation's steroid problem when our drug and alcohol dependencies destroy so many more lives. Though he may not be cheered, Leonard Little has neither been persecuted nor prosecuted for his role in the death of another person while driving under the influence.  Not to mention the additional DUI's the defensive end has picked up since the incident.

Which brings us back to Vick.  Is what Vick did a di####able act of cruelty and indifference?  Yes.  But does the young man deserve to rot in hell and have every limb torn to pieces by the very dogs that he helped torture for all of eternity?  That is not for us to decide, nor should it be up to a blog to tell.

That PETA has gained so much support for a good cause is an admirable thing.  But that PETA is a much more famous organization than, say, MADD (Mother's Against Drunk Driving) is disturbing.

They are, after all, just dogs.  Again, those words ring cold and cruel in our ears in the context of dogfighting.  But given how we treat the loss of human life does the same twisted logic not apply to us.  Alston stabs a man in the neck: It is, after all, just another night club stabbing.  Leonard Little takes the life of another person driving while intoxicated.  It is, after all, just another in a long line of such deaths.

The point of this post is not to make light of what Vick did, but rather to shed light on how desensitized we have become to violence in the world around us.  How little we truely value each other as human beings.  As cynical as it may sound, Vick's biggest mistake in regards to his reputation was that he went after dogs.  If he had, in fact, gone after another person it might have just escaped our attention in the background of an everyday police blotter.

When a quarterback indicted on felony gambling charges and misdemeanor animal abuse can carry national headlines while a war, corrupted health care policies, and increasing national debt remain secondary issues, it causes reason to give us pause.  They are, after all, just dogs.

24 Comments | Add a comment   categories: NFL, NBA
 
Not Another Team Preview: Previewing the Fans of Each NBA Team
Aug 27, 2007 | 11:10AM | report this

With the USA Men’s Basketball team providing a temporary fix (the WNBA playoffs were not enough?) for even the most ardent basketball junkies, the beginning of the season is creeping up very quickly.

In the weeks to come every magazine, newspaper, and hack sports blog (this one included) will be posting their annual NBA season preview.  Player acquisitions, player development, coaching changes, and even fantasy guides will litter the landscape.

But before we get into the cut and paste, annual obligatory stories – top ten lists (overrated, underrated, positional lists, etc), All-Star Selections, and Trade rumors/analysis – I thought I would break away from the pack (and get a HOT, JUICY BURGER….mmm, Wendy’s) and produce a little originality in an otherwise formulaic sports world.

Rather than dissect each team down to the fan-favorite 12th man (Jack Haley was the all-time best) in hopes of gleaming some sort of information on who will participate in a championship series an NBA lifetime away, let’s instead analyze the mindset of each NBA fan base with some random thoughts around the league.

Brain-typing was first made popular by general manager Danny Ainge in his rationale towards signing players such as Brian Scalabrine to huge contracts.  With that in mind, we analyzed the behavior patterns from fans around the league to get an accurate look into the heart of each team.

Feel free to add your own:

Atlanta Hawks

-         (Crickets…..)


Boston Celtics

-         “If Robert Parrish could play until he was 100, why can’t Allan Houston or Charles Oakley?  Championship!”  (this is never a good thought).

-         “We need role players, has Walter McCarty retired yet so we can bring him back?  We love Waltah!”


Charlotte Bobcats

-         “Retired players are coming back?  Any word on Michael?”

-         “Well, at least BET didn’t ####---err---nevermind”


Chicago Bulls

-         “Post players are overrated”


Cleveland Cavaliers

-         “2007 NBA Finals – what the hell did we just witness?”

-         “So geeked Lebron finally got talent around him, too bad his jersey reads Team USA.


Dallas Mavericks

-         “Mark Cuban tells us to still cry about the 2006 NBA Finals.”

-         “Mark Cuban tells us to think that the league cheated us again by letting Don Nelson use inside information on our team.”

-         “Mark Cuban tells us to think that we are still better off for getting rid of an aging, has-been All-Star point guard so we could split the money between two never-were NBA centers.”

-         “Mark Cuban tells us what to think.”


Denver Nuggets

-   “If Michael Vick knows what is good for him he’ll keep his mouth shut.  We   know what Carmelo and AI do to snitches.”

Detroit Pistons

-         “We still got the best starting five in the league, we still got the best starting five in the league, we still got the best starting five in the league….” (Keep telling yourself that’s enough)

-         “We were foolish to think that Nazr Mohammed could replace Ben Wallace, but Amir Johnson on the other hand!”


Golden State Warriors

-         “Best NBA Live team ever!” (NBA Live sucks)


Houston Rockets

-         “This is the year Yao and McGrady stay healthy, no, really…”


Indiana Pacers

-         “We’d rather have five more brawls and three more nightclub shootings before we go through another season of Mike Dunleavy starting at shooting guard.”


Los Angeles Clippers

-         “O.J. Mayo is going to be sweet!”


Los Angeles Lakers

-         “If we trade Kobe, does that mean we can stop pretending we like these games and just not show? It’s really cutting into my cocaine time with Brit and Lo’.

-         “Kobe is God”


Memphis Grizzlies

- “Would somebody just buy the friggin’ team and move it already?”


Miami Heat

-         “Hooray, Gary Payton is finally gone?”

-         “Smush F$@k* Parker?!”

Milwuakee Bucks
      -       "Come on Yi, we ate Chinese food once...does that count?"

Minnesota Timberwolves

-         “Thank God McHale didn’t use to play for the Knicks”


New Jersey Nets

-         “Yawn”


New Orleans Hornets

-         “It sure was nice of Mr. Stern to bring the Hornets back to New Orleans.  Life feels almost back to normal now that we got an NBA team to ignore.”


New York Knicks

-         “We should trade Malik Rose for Kobe Bryant, and then Jerome James for Jermaine O’Neal.  It might not make sense, but we’re New York, it doesn’t have to!”

-         “Curry and Randolph could work.  With Jerome James on the team, there’s no way that both of them could get enough food to get that out of shape.”

-   "Ah KG, if only Kevin McHale use to play for the Knicks."


Orlando Magic

-         “Out of salary cap hell and into the, well, salary cap hell.”


Philadelphia 76ers

-         “AI who?”


Phoenix Suns

-         “Waaaaaaaaah….waaaaaaaaaaaah…….waaaaaaaahh…Donagh
y….Waaaah....David Stern....waaaaaaaaaah”

-     David Stern let the Spurs win because he favors larger tv markets."


Portland Trail Blazers

-         “Throw it down one time big man!”


Sacramento Kings

-         “At least we still got the Monarchs”


San Antonio Spurs

-         “It’s not tainted, it’s not tainted, it’s not tainted.”

-         “Get over it Mavs/Suns”


Seattle Supersonics

-         “One year of Kevin Durant is better than none.”


Toronto Raptors

-         “That Bosh is aboot to destroy the rink, ay?”


Utah Jazz

-         “Our season ticket package couldn’t cover another wife…decisions, decisions.”


Washington Wizards

- “I miss Gheorge Muresan (spell check?)”

 

 

 

 

 

 

9 Comments | Add a comment   category: NBA
 
Enough! A Dose of Perspective Needed for Sports Fans
Aug 23, 2007 | 3:01PM | report this

The Fox Sports blog community was built off an ambitious premise, namely enticing thousands of readers to participate by dangling the opportunity to join the ranks of the columnists already employed by the website.

 After all, what self righteous sports fan doesn’t know more – especially when concerning said fan’s favorite team or player – than Fox resident analysts Charley Rosen, John Czarnecki, and even newly acquired Jason Whitlock.

Never mind the years spent towards a degree, or in the scouting or coaching world, that qualify these people to make sound, well thought out opinions and present in a way as to inform and entertain you.

While this community of sports fan generally produces a positive experience (as well as a great way to kill time during an unfulfilling job), what most do not realize is that it takes a certain mindset to be a journalist of any type, let alone sports.

The problem for people writing about these athletes is that more often then not we spend our time chronicling the accomplishments of others rather than our own.  Perhaps this is why ‘the media’ is all too eager to witness another mans fall from grace.

Having such a station in life as a reporter, it’s apparent why all too often every incident gets analyzed to the minutest detail so that is appears to have a profound impact on our world. We all want to think that our life’s work made a difference.  

Sports are a reflection of society.  No doubt that phrase was first uttered, or perhaps written, by a sports journalist.  The statement and its implications have been overblown and repeated so much it has become cliché. 

I will be the first to admit that the best and worst of the human spirit are often on display through the games we play.  But to imply that these recreational activities have such vital roles within our society is ludicrous.  

Yet here we are, in the midst of a time that is sure to be remembered as the summer of sports discontent, and our government and press are spending valuable time and resources invested in seemingly every professional sports league.

That an effort is being made to clean up our sports, following some of the most reeling scandals in recent memory, is commendable.  But the amount of effort, given the attention and resources (or lack thereof), is beyond ironic – it would be hilarious if not for the implications.  That sports are a reflection of society merely speaks to how poorly that society sets its priorities.

Some food for thought:

As the steroid witch hunt reaches McCarthy-like proportions (research red scare if you are unfamiliar with our nation’s history), federal and state governments have been more than aggressive in keeping steroids out of the hands of our youth.  Even going so far as to require steroid tests in school athletics.  

Yet the flood of recreational drugs that have flooded our schools and ruined many a lives remains largely unnoticed, put to the backburner.  While it certainly is a waste to see steroids ruin the body of our future athletes, what about the drugs that stricken the mind of our potential leaders?

And while there is a federal investigation concerning a referee (by the way, quit whining Suns fan) who may or may not have affected the outcome of a couple games, where are the headlines covering potential bribes that affect the outcome of government elections?  Or government policies (cough, cough, oil.  Cough)?

To tie the preceding paragraphs back into my opening statements (for all those who have aspiring journalists listed in their bios, this is an important aspect of writing – your lead states your point/argument and the rest needs to eventually tie back into it), most journalists cover the who, what, when, and where of a story.

The best writers cover two more W’s: the why, as in “why is this important”.  And what’s next.  The aim of any good writing is to entertain, inform, and provoke action.  So why is this important to this community and what do I propose happens next?

It is important because the overwhelming number of rants that occur on this site have exposed a bitterness that I’m not sure is healthy, and something that I have seen reflected in society.

Step back and read some of the blogs that have been produced regarding the Michael Vick situation.  While there are a couple insightful thoughts that help to provoke intelligent discussion, most are venomous and unintelligible.  

His actions?  Deplorable for sure, but read some of the proposed punishments circling around the board.  They range from putting Vick in a pit full of pit bulls (catchy and rolls of the tongue, I know) to Lock him up and throw away the key. 

On whose moral authority has the court of public opinion been made to stand as judge, jury, and executioner?  Regardless of where your ethics are derived from, we should all agree that if Vick makes the effort to reform he should be given a second chance.

Christianity is based around forgiveness, which is what Jesus preached.  Our justice system is predicated on reform.  The NAACP is right (for once), we should help Vick rehabilitate his ways and, once he has paid his debt to society, be offered a chance to rebuild his life.  Otherwise, why not just end it right now.

But alas, the purpose of this article is not to discuss Vick, but to point out how the media and public has overblown the whole situation.  Sure, the dog killings has sparked outrage on its own merits (deservedly so).  And the situation demands proper attention.

But from here it seems that we are more angry that it was an athlete who committed a crime than we are at the actual crime itself. 

You can argue the last statement, but how much outrage has his cohorts faced?  And who among you cared about dog fighting before it hit the front page of a sports section? 

The problem with sports is that people have so much of their life invested in it that inevitably our priorities get #### up.  People bemoan that athletes fancy themselves above the law, but who places them on that pedestal in the first place.

When did sports, not brains or hard work, become a ticket to success?  Somewhere out there is a little leaguer or wife discouraged because their loved one is too preoccupied with their favorite sports team to notice anything else. 

Back in the golden age of sports, when Babe Ruth was belting homers, people turned to sports as a way to escape the hardships of reality.  Somewhere along the way, sports became too much of our reality.

 

 

14 Comments | Add a comment   categories: NBA, nfl, mlb, MLB
 
Breaking News: Drew Gooden Arrested
Jun 16, 2007 | 7:02AM | report this

AKRON, OHIO -- Police arrested Cleveland Cavaliers forward Drew Gooden in the early hours of Saturday morning after the former lottery pick failed to turn himself over to authorities on charges of theft and assault.

The arrest ends a joint investigation between the San Antonio Police Department and Cleveland authorities -- spanning the course of the NBA season dating back to last year's playoffs -- searching for the lost hair on Spurs guard Manu Ginobili's head.

"After a thorough search and seizure we have found Manu (Ginobili's) missing patch of hair, and it was on the back of Drew Gooden's head," said acting Cleveland Police Chief Drew Carey. 

After numerous theories from several experts on the matter, including ring worm, male pattern baldness, and the hair being inverted through to his giant nose following a sneeze, officials say the star shooting guard can finally rest easily.

The case found it's first break during ABC's broadcast of the NBA finals when cameras caught video of Ginobili and Gooden standing side-by-side from behind.  Local comedian and hair expert Drew Carey noticed that the patch on Gooden's head was roughly the same size, shape, and in the same location as the missing patch on Ginobili's head.

"Thee missing hair was, how you say, like a thouzand burning arrows to thee heart," said Ginobili. "Falling to thee floor waz not so eazy without the extra cushioning."

Gooden, who has failed to return calls or e-mails, simple left a statement through his agent and public relations service:

"I apologize to both the Cavs organization and the city of Cleveland for my actions.  I was only trying to help my team by getting some shaggy hair in order to compete with Manu and Sideshow Bob in flops and drawing charges.  I realize now the embarrasment caused to both the city and my family, not only because I stood outside the law, but because my head looked absolutely ridiculous, and distracted Lebron (James) from making his shots.  Rest assured that the back of my head will no longer look like an armpit."

Investigators are still looking for those responsible for stealing the fun and ratings from the NBA finals, but have several leads.

(Editor's Note: As always, this is not a real story.  It is an attempt at humor.  An not a very good one as it had to be watered down in the sick, sad, overly sensitive society that we live in.  Would hate to offend those afflicted with BGS (backwards goatee syndrome).)

3 Comments | Add a comment   category: NBA
 
Duncan, Not Kobe/Lebron/Wade is the Game's Best Player
Jun 07, 2007 | 5:59PM | report this

While fans and sports writers are quick to jump the gun in crowning a definative "NBA's best player", a label that has been handed down upon several suitors since the retirement of "history's greatest player", it is entirely possible that they have missed the boat entirely.

It has long been assumed that the world's next great player would come in a comfortable package measuring in around 6-7, complete with requisite 40-inch vertical and ankle-breaking crossovers.   Indeed, Michael Jordan spoiled us all.

But if history has shown us anything, it is that the league is littered with high-flying, high-scoring swingmen.  That Jordan came out as the league's best player from his position is the exception, not the rule.

If this Finals is about the coronation of King James, then the world is truly cheated as it is missing out on the legacy of one of history's all-time greats.  With his fourth ring Duncan would have to be considered in the same breath as the true greats -- Bird, Magic, Wilt, Russel, and of course Jordan -- the highest echelon of players in league history. 

While the world drooled over Kobe Bryant, Duncan was steadily dropping in bank shots.  As Vince Carter's brief ascension into greatness came and quickly flickered out, Duncan was drop-stepping his way to three Finals MVP's.  Even as the lastest wave of Lebron, Carmelo, and Wade caught the national spotlight Mr. Fundamental was anchoring his team's championship level defense.

True, others may post better numbers -- certainly more highlights --, no one in the league has provided the same efficiency and ability to dominate both sides of the court since the league's last two-way sensation (Jordan) as Duncan has. 

So hand out all the superlatives you wish.  Kobe is the league's most gifted scorer.  Wade teh greatest fascimile of Jordan in style and killer instinct.  And Lebron is it's most explosive Wonderboy -- indeed, his time as the league's greatest may rise in this series.  But for the time being, let's not overlook the greatest PF of all time. 

 

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Told You So Rev. Rythm: An Archived Post on Manu Ginobili
May 30, 2007 | 10:15AM | report this

Editor's Note: Read the Rev's post on Manu, and thought I'd bring out an old archived blog to compliment that one.  Then, as it is now, no one read it... ha ha. 

Bench Ginobili
Dec 24, 2005 | 1:30AM - Edit | Delete

How a rematch of last years NBA finals and a showcase of the top two teams in the NBA is an undercard to the overrated Lakers-Heat matchup (Lakers will lose by 15) is beyond my comprehension.

Still, the Spurs-Pistons game promises to be a real treat for those who find big screens underneath their Christmas tree this year.  As everyone knows, the Pistons return with a new coach and a new offensive attitude.  The Spurs will take the floor with mostly the same group that defeated the Pistons last June with one glaring difference in their starting lineup: the absence of Manu Ginobili.

Out for the past few games because of a foot injury, Ginobili has been replaced by Michael Finley in the starting lineup, who has performed admirably in his absence.  So admirably in fact, that maybe it would be best to place Finley in the starting five permanently.

Perhaps I'm still suffering from the effects of one too many at the annual Christmas party, but at the risk of waging war with all of Argentina maybe it's time to officially declare Manu's candidacy for Sixth Man of the Year.

Off the bench is not a new concept for Ginobili, who began his career as the Spurs super-sub.  A year later the Spurs benched Manu in favor of Turkoglu and again last year, in favor of Brent Barry for the first round of the playoffs.  Though it may sound absurd, bringing in your second All-Star off the bench, but the move does have its share of benefits:

1.) Finley: Though not the creator that Manu is at this point in his career, Finley still remains the superior shooter whose talents would be maximized playing with the first unit, where Duncan and Parker would create a larger quantity of open shots for Finley than the Spurs second unit.  Manu is Manu regardless of his role, Finley is a much better starter than bench player.  In addition, being paired with Bowen would subract from Finley's defensive responsibilities (which at his age, is not the strength of his game).  Speaking of...

2.) Defense: The Spurs bench may have plenty of playoff experience and versatility, but what it lacks is a defense-minded wing player since the departure of Devin Brown.  The trio of Van Exel, Finley, and Barry can be an intimidating offensive force, but their defensive liablilities are just as likely to lose a lead than extend one.  By bringing Manu off the bench, the Spurs ensure that either he, or Bowen, are on the floor at all times; giving the Spurs a defensive presence on the perimeter for 48 minutes.

3.) Longevity: Perhaps Ginobili's frenetic pace is better suited for the bench.  Considering the numerous leg injuries that Manu accumulates (prompting Barry to nickname him El Contusion) over the course of a season, a sixth man role could quite possibly lengthen Ginobili's career. 

4.) Easy-pickings:  When thinking of prototypical sixth men, most are scoring spark plugs off the bench.  Ricky Davis, Mo Williams, Jerry Stackhouse.  None are revered, however, for their defensive prowess.  If Manu can score on some of the better defenders in the league, what would happend if the Spurs unleashed one of the top ten guards in the NBA on opponents inferior bench players?  Or softening up the starters for that matter?  YOu guessed it: Easy pickings.

Unlike most teams, the Spurs are fortunate to have one of three All-Star caliber players on the court at any given time.  By benching Manu, the Spurs ensure that at least one All-Star is on the floor at all times.  And by playing Ginobili in spurts without Duncan or Parker, Popovich can allow Manu free reign, or unleash him as it were.

Remember, it's not who starts the games, but rather, who finishes them that marks the truly great players. 

 

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Conspiracy or Not, Most of You Fans Are Just Dumb: A Utah, Phoenix Tribute
May 30, 2007 | 9:46AM | report this

As far as NBA conspiracies go, the latest are comparatively lame.  David Stern orchestrating the San Antonio Spurs to the NBA finals?  To what end? 

Most great conspiracy theories  revolve around some sinister purpose that ultimately benefit those in the highest seats of power, so in what way are the Spurs fortunes aligned with David Stern and/or Stu Jackson’s? 

For a good conspiracy, look back to over two decades ago (has it really been that long?) when Stern and his cronies froze an envelope to land the New York Knicks the most cherished prize in all of basketball: the franchise center.  Some rumors have also revealed that Stern once engineered such a center in his lab, pumping the specimen full of steroids and HGH in its infancy and then manipulating his career towards Los Angeles.  After all, the NBA’s two flagship teams must always have one in the wings. 

And if those are not enough to quench your thirst on all of Stern’s shady under dealings, stuffing two Asians in a Houston Rockets jersey or attaching magnets to the basketball to guide it towards the rim were brilliant discoveries by David Blaine.  But to claim that the league headquarters is fixing the playoffs for the Spurs is not just asinine, it’s sour grapes.

While it may be understandable to have “the blinders on” when it comes to officiating and the home team, ultimately fans have to understand that referees are only human, and we all make mistakes.  Even the greatest players turn the ball over, or blow a defensive assignment (in Phoenix’s case, make that a lot of defensive assignments).  That said, whether you want to accept it or not, there are always bad calls that go against both teams in each game and eventually they even out.

Now, while blown calls are usually fairly distributed among both teams, do not fall under the common misconception that foul discrepancy should be even.  Perhaps the greatest flaw in fan’s rationale when discussing horrible officiating is the number of free throws one team attempted versus their opponent.  A fair game does not necessarily mean an equal amount of trips to the charity stripe. 

Suspensions aside, Phoenix fans were already crying foul – terrible pun intended – over star center Amare Stoudamire’s continuous foul trouble compared with Tim Duncan’s lack thereof.  Indeed, many were wondering what Stern was up to when the Spurs built any sort of lead in the free throw attempts statistic.

But examine the Suns trends during the Steve Nash era and you will notice that Phoenix is a team that routinely has difficulty getting to the line.  In a system with only one player capable of creating offense (Nash) and the rest thriving off of open three-pointers or dunks, opportunities to get fouled are few and far in between.

Juxtapose this with the fact that the Spurs, the league’s most disciplined defensive team, committed the fewest fouls during the season and the discrepancy should be that much wider.  Put simply, bad defensive teams commit more fouls than good ones do.

In the case of the Utah Jazz, the number of fouls called in the fourth quarter should hardly come as a surprise as they committed more fouls than any other team this season.  As the NBA’s most physical team, the Jazz led the league in both fouls for and against.  So when a team like the Jazz and Spurs meet, it simply is a matter of which team imposes their will.  Being the more experienced, and disciplined team, obviously that has been the Spurs thus far as they have allowed Deron Williams and Carlos Boozer to score without fouling.

The Jazz’s foul difficulties are further compounded by their glaring lack of an athletic shooting guard.  Look back at the regular season, the Jazz troubles with keeping elite shooting guards off the line are nothing new and have been a glaring hole for quite some time.  In Manu Ginobili, the Spurs are primed to take advantage of this deficiency because his ability to seek out and thrive on contact.

Carlos Boozer’s block of Duncan aside, the Jazz really have not had any shot blockers protecting the rim as their lone stud is also their primary perimeter defender.  Utah is built in a way that if AK47’s defensive attention is centered on stopping a perimeter player, the Jazz must halt all penetration at the point of attack or they are vulnerable to committing fouls at the rim.

Ginobili took a lot of free throws last game, but he took a lot of hard fouls too.  Watch the tape, not the box score.  All this being said, given their season long trends, how has the outcome come as any surprise to fans? 

SIDE NOTES:
Suspensions: While the suspensions of Amare Stoudamire and Boris Diaw were unfortunate, they were hardly unwarranted.  Go back to the Knicks-Heat melee when the better half of the Knicks lineup was suspended for leaving the bench, probably costing them their best chance at a title.  Where was the outrage then?

The law stands for a reason and is laid out in black and white and REPEATED for all players at the beginning of both the regular season and playoffs.  Those who break it are not compassionate, as many pundits have claimed for Amare, they are thick headed.

Watch the tape and it is obvious that Amare never intended to check on Nash. His gaze and posture suggested he was heading to confront Robert Horry the whole time.  Indeed, the only difference between the Knicks and Suns incident is that Phoenix’s assistants are a lot bigger than Jeff Van Gundy.  Make no mistake, Amare did not stop himself, he was physically restrained.

If suspensions should be levied only by the actions taken once on the court, then perhaps teams can raid the Jerry Springer show and hire Steve as assistant coach.  Imagine Amare taking the same action against the Warriors with Stephen Jackson on the floor, that is what Stern is trying to stop.

Cheap Shot Bob: Was it a cheap shot? Of course.  Was it the worst cheap shot in the history of the league, or even these playoffs? Hardly.  Nor was it enough to alter the perception of Horry’s career.  Sure Horry gave Nash a little check, but the reason it looked so bad was because of Nash’s momentum.  He was never in danger of being hurt and any reasonable person knew that Horry was gone as soon as Nash hit the floor. 

The league handled the situation by suspending Horry and assessing a flagrant two foul.  Justice, concerning Horry, was served.  So again, unfortunate: yes.  Unfair: hardly.  The rule is in place to allow the league to handle punishments, not players to take it into their own hands. 

How Do You Spell Utah: I-R-O-N-Y: Perhaps the most amusing moment of these playoffs is watching Utah Jazz fans complain about flopping and dirty plays.  These are the same Jazz fans that watched Malone, Stockton, Hornacek and Ostertag put on a clinic of the very subject.

Malone easily had the sharpest elbows in the league, which he used quite well.  And I recall a Stockton interview in which he admittedly stuck his knee into players setting screens against him to discourage them from doing so.  If you believe in the conspiracy theories spewing out of Utah, perhaps you could also believe in karma.  Isn’t it ironic?  Ah hell, now I’ve gone Canadian. 

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BREAKING NEWS: RIOTS BREAK LOOSE IN UTAH
May 28, 2007 | 10:00PM | report this

Salt Lake City -- Chants of "ref you suck" echoed through the streets of Utah, the mormon capital of the world, as violence erupted in Energy Solutions Arena and spilled into the city following the Jazz's 71-93 loss to the San Antonio Spurs.

Police, responding to violatoins of the state-issued curfew of 10:00 p.m., struggled to contain the mob -- numbering in the thousands -- as many flocked the streets to protest coach Jerry Sloan's ejection.

The riots began as groups of fans gathered around parked bicycles, setting fire to and flipping over the vehicles.

"We've never seen anything like this, the ordeal started when a rowdy group of fans instigated a caffeine-induced riot," said Police Chief Joshua Clark.  "This is why we had been fighting to get the arena to cut-off soft drinks after 7:00."

Early reports also indicated several fans igniting several make-shift Molotov cocktails.  Fortunately no damage has been reported as all bottles were filled with non-acoholic liquids.

Police were still searching for those responsible for inciting the riots, but did release a description they felt would identify the suspects: white males, blonde hair, wearing short-sleeve, white button shirts with a tie and black slacks. 

Suspects were last seen heading west on Huffy 10-speeds carrying several pamplets of religous information.  But not everyone has managed to escape police.

"We are just so gosh darn mad," said Joseph Smith, a local fan apprehended by police officers. "I mean, gee-gholly-willackers, David Stern is at it again, making sure that another fancy, big-market team gets to the Finals to sell more t-shirts."

The Spurs basketball team was escorted away from the arena by police along with actress Eva Longoria, who is engaged to point guard Tony Parker.  Apparently officiating is not all that drew the ire of Jazz fans as Longoria had to be protected after several fans accosted for her "sinful attire".

"That hussy, going out in public showing her cleavage -- I actually saw her entire ankle," said Smith.  "If any of my seven wives dressed like that....well, let's just say we all know what happened to number eight."

NBA commissioner David Stern was not avialable for comment.  The Spurs and Jazz will meet again Wednesday night in San Antonio before returning to Utah if neccessary.

Editor's Note: Obviously this is a poor attempt at a joke.

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Conspiracy Theory: The Refs and the Spurs -- Breaking Down the Truth
May 14, 2007 | 2:06AM | report this

Been reading through several of your posts among others on the internet, thought I'd address them and open up some intelligent discussion.  Try and step away from the drunk fan goggles and get to the bottom of things in the playoffs.

According to your posts, David Stern in his infinite marketing wisdom, is up to no good again; rigging the playoffs to keep the Suns, and consequently in Steve Nash's case, the white man down. 

Conspiracy theories are nothing new to the Association.  We all know about the Ewing draft, and how decades ago David Stern had the forsight to genetically engineer a 7-foot, 320 pound marketing beast and then orchestrated his move to L.A. where he then instructed the officials to let the flagship team of the league win at all costs. 

Which leads us to the Spurs-Suns series.  Of course, with Phoenix going up against a huge media market like San Antonio (those press types love that mexican food), the leagues most charismatic and marketable star in Tim Duncan, and the most entertaining brand of basektball in recent NBA history, it stands within reason that the league would make sure the Spurs advance at all costs.  The television ratings depend on it.

The above paragraph is a joke, of course.  Had to put that disclaimer because there are a few geniuses who will read that statement and leave a three page comment on how the Spurs are in fact boring and I am an #### for calling San Antonio a major market. 

My point is, if it so obvious that none of the above statements were true -- and in fact, the Suns possessed more of those qualities in this particular series -- would not the NBA have more to gain from the Suns advancing?  Shouldn't that be enough to dispel your conspiracy theory? 

So, given that there is not David Stern mandate from above, let's look at a few issues you may have had with the refs and open up a reasonable discussion.

First thing is first, foul discrepancy.  Many of you feel that their should be an equal number of trips to the free throw line but you, of course, would be wrong.  The Suns have always been terrible at getting to the line.  Why should that change now?  The problem lies within their lack of creators.

Look, the Suns have some great players.  But among them only Nash, and perhaps Diaw, have the ability to create shots.  A lot of the reason in difference in fouls called is the Suns lack of a true inside presence.  Before citing Amare, hear me out.

Sure Amare scores a lot of points in the paint off of numerous dunks, which upon first look would qualify him as an inside presence.   But look at the manner in which he scores.  They are all spoon fed, wide open dunks or shots.  Most of the Suns offense are three pointers or open layups provided by Steve Nash.  Any disciplined team -- which the Spurs are -- would be able to keep the Suns off the line.

Second, take a look at how the Spurs and Suns play defense.  The Suns have one great defender (Bell) and the rest are people who rely on athletic plays to stop teams.  As improved as the Suns are defensively (I believe they are vastly) they still rely more on the athletic ability of Amare and Marion to play defense as opposed to actually playing fundamental defense. 

The difference being that while the Spurs are always in great position, never really having to extend themselves defensively, the Suns are constantly scrambling and recovering thus leaving them in extremely vulnerable positions to get called for fouls.  Amare in particular is a horrible defender who is constantly getting beat and in foul trouble.

So my question to you is, if a player had a little trouble with fouls the whole season, why would a playoff game against a great executing team and more physical environment be any different?  The answer is that the refs are not doing anything different or unfairly, the series is just following the same trends that the regular season established.

Perhaps all of your complaints, an my assessment that you guys are just whinning, are best summarized in the Duncan/Stoudamire matchup.  Since part of your contention is that the only reason the Spurs can compete is that the refs have taken Stoudamire off of the floor while being lenient with Tim Duncan.

Duncan is perhaps the best position post and help defender in the league.  The guy rarely errs on footwork and always makes precise, correct rotations to offer help defense.  Another important quality is his ability to #### what his happening very quickly and decide whether or not he has an honest chance to alter the shot or he should let it go.  Being in position at all times means he is less likely to draw a foul, and knowing which shots to back off of means he does not pick up silly fouls.

Amare, in comparison, is just an absolute horrid defender.  The guy has barely improved this aspect of his game since entering the league.  Whereas Duncan is fundamentally sound, Amare uses his considerable athletic ability to be a "presence" on the defensive side.

While Duncan is always in position, Amare is always recovering late, and rather than making a simple play his ineptitude is forcing him to resort to a spectacular feat of athleticism, which more often than not results in a foul.  To compound matters, he foolishly tries to contest nearly every shot even when it is obvious he has not chance.

What needs to happen is first off, the Suns (other than Nash who has been remarkably poised) need to stop crying foul.  Second, Amare needs to let some of those dunks or layups go.  He is not going to be a defensive factor regardless of foul trouble, so he needs to concentrate on neutralizing Tim Duncan by equaling his offensive output.  It's hard to tell a player to stop playing defense and still be taken seriously, but in this case it's absolutely what Amare needs to do.

If you suck at defense anyways, don't make matters worse by getting into foul trouble and limiting what you can do by not being on the floor. 

What you fans need to do is answer me a couple quesions: If the Suns struggled to get to the line against good teams, why should it be different now?  If the Spurs spent the entire season as the defense with the least amount of fouls called, why should that change?  If you think free throw attempts should be even in the series, tell me who deserves to shoot them from the Suns and why?  None of them are great at getting to the line.

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