With the USA Men’s Basketball team providing a temporary fix (the WNBA playoffs were not enough?) for even the most ardent basketball junkies, the beginning of the season is creeping up very quickly.
In the weeks to come every magazine, newspaper, and hack sports blog (this one included) will be posting their annual NBA season preview. Player acquisitions, player development, coaching changes, and even fantasy guides will litter the landscape.
But before we get into the cut and paste, annual obligatory stories – top ten lists (overrated, underrated, positional lists, etc), All-Star Selections, and Trade rumors/analysis – I thought I would break away from the pack (and get a HOT, JUICY BURGER….mmm, Wendy’s) and produce a little originality in an otherwise formulaic sports world.
Rather than dissect each team down to the fan-favorite 12th man (Jack Haley was the all-time best) in hopes of gleaming some sort of information on who will participate in a championship series an NBA lifetime away, let’s instead analyze the mindset of each NBA fan base with some random thoughts around the league.
Brain-typing was first made popular by general manager Danny Ainge in his rationale towards signing players such as Brian Scalabrine to huge contracts. With that in mind, we analyzed the behavior patterns from fans around the league to get an accurate look into the heart of each team.
Feel free to add your own:
Atlanta Hawks
- (Crickets…..)
Boston Celtics
- “If Robert Parrish could play until he was 100, why can’t Allan Houston or Charles Oakley? Championship!” (this is never a good thought).
- “We need role players, has Walter McCarty retired yet so we can bring him back? We love Waltah!”
Charlotte Bobcats
- “Retired players are coming back? Any word on Michael?”
- “Well, at least BET didn’t ####---err---nevermind”
Chicago Bulls
- “Post players are overrated”
Cleveland Cavaliers
- “2007 NBA Finals – what the hell did we just witness?”
- “So geeked Lebron finally got talent around him, too bad his jersey reads Team USA.
Dallas Mavericks
- “Mark Cuban tells us to still cry about the 2006 NBA Finals.”
- “Mark Cuban tells us to think that the league cheated us again by letting Don Nelson use inside information on our team.”
- “Mark Cuban tells us to think that we are still better off for getting rid of an aging, has-been All-Star point guard so we could split the money between two never-were NBA centers.”
- “Mark Cuban tells us what to think.”
Denver Nuggets
- “If Michael Vick knows what is good for him he’ll keep his mouth shut. We know what Carmelo and AI do to snitches.”
Detroit Pistons
- “We still got the best starting five in the league, we still got the best starting five in the league, we still got the best starting five in the league….” (Keep telling yourself that’s enough)
- “We were foolish to think that Nazr Mohammed could replace Ben Wallace, but Amir Johnson on the other hand!”
Golden State Warriors
- “Best NBA Live team ever!” (NBA Live sucks)
Houston Rockets
- “This is the year Yao and McGrady stay healthy, no, really…”
Indiana Pacers
- “We’d rather have five more brawls and three more nightclub shootings before we go through another season of Mike Dunleavy starting at shooting guard.”
Los Angeles Clippers
- “O.J. Mayo is going to be sweet!”
Los Angeles Lakers
- “If we trade Kobe, does that mean we can stop pretending we like these games and just not show? It’s really cutting into my cocaine time with Brit and Lo’.
- “Kobe is God”
Memphis Grizzlies
- “Would somebody just buy the friggin’ team and move it already?”
Miami Heat
- “Hooray, Gary Payton is finally gone?”
- “Smush F$@k* Parker?!”
Milwuakee Bucks - "Come on Yi, we ate Chinese food once...does that count?"
Minnesota Timberwolves
- “Thank God McHale didn’t use to play for the Knicks”
New Jersey Nets
- “Yawn”
New Orleans Hornets
- “It sure was nice of Mr. Stern to bring the Hornets back to New Orleans. Life feels almost back to normal now that we got an NBA team to ignore.”
New York Knicks
- “We should trade Malik Rose for Kobe Bryant, and then Jerome James for Jermaine O’Neal. It might not make sense, but we’re New York, it doesn’t have to!”
- “Curry and Randolph could work. With Jerome James on the team, there’s no way that both of them could get enough food to get that out of shape.”
- "Ah KG, if only Kevin McHale use to play for the Knicks."
Orlando Magic
- “Out of salary cap hell and into the, well, salary cap hell.”
Lakers fan, was taking a stab at the mostly celebrity crowds in the Staples Center...the average Laker fan revolves around a world where Kobe is God....actually, just having a good time here. Nothing for anyone to take personal.
Ricko, took stabs at everyone mostly. Even my teams. All in good fun.
Portland- "LaMarcus Aldridge, Brandon Roy, and Greg Oden all on one team? We're going to dominate the league for years to come."
Minnesota- "We got Al Jefferson, Gerald Green, the draft rights to OJ Mayo, another potentially great first rounder, and 11 million off the books for some guy named "The Big Ticket". "What was Boston thinking?"
Houston Tmac is the best in the NBA I dont care what you say he is.(NO KOBE OR LABRON) yao is the best center we got Mike James And Steve Fransis With Shane and Rafer, I see a Championship ring and trophy
I am a 5th year senior at Our Lady of the Lake University. I changed my major from art to journalism (which explains why I'm taking an extra year) half way through. Sports are my thing, play as often as I can. Would be pretty good in fact if it weren't for the fact that I have little athletic ability. Seriously, my vertical leap is tip-toe. So, I decided to try and break into sports journalism, which is hard to do at a university with no sports program. Well, we play community colleges and get blown out all the time, but that's another story.
