AKRON, OHIO -- Police arrested Cleveland Cavaliers forward Drew Gooden in the early hours of Saturday morning after the former lottery pick failed to turn himself over to authorities on charges of theft and assault.

The arrest ends a joint investigation between the San Antonio Police Department and Cleveland authorities -- spanning the course of the NBA season dating back to last year's playoffs -- searching for the lost hair on Spurs guard Manu Ginobili's head.

"After a thorough search and seizure we have found Manu (Ginobili's) missing patch of hair, and it was on the back of Drew Gooden's head," said acting Cleveland Police Chief Drew Carey. 

After numerous theories from several experts on the matter, including ring worm, male pattern baldness, and the hair being inverted through to his giant nose following a sneeze, officials say the star shooting guard can finally rest easily.

The case found it's first break during ABC's broadcast of the NBA finals when cameras caught video of Ginobili and Gooden standing side-by-side from behind.  Local comedian and hair expert Drew Carey noticed that the patch on Gooden's head was roughly the same size, shape, and in the same location as the missing patch on Ginobili's head.

"Thee missing hair was, how you say, like a thouzand burning arrows to thee heart," said Ginobili. "Falling to thee floor waz not so eazy without the extra cushioning."

Gooden, who has failed to return calls or e-mails, simple left a statement through his agent and public relations service:

"I apologize to both the Cavs organization and the city of Cleveland for my actions.  I was only trying to help my team by getting some shaggy hair in order to compete with Manu and Sideshow Bob in flops and drawing charges.  I realize now the embarrasment caused to both the city and my family, not only because I stood outside the law, but because my head looked absolutely ridiculous, and distracted Lebron (James) from making his shots.  Rest assured that the back of my head will no longer look like an armpit."

Investigators are still looking for those responsible for stealing the fun and ratings from the NBA finals, but have several leads.

(Editor's Note: As always, this is not a real story.  It is an attempt at humor.  An not a very good one as it had to be watered down in the sick, sad, overly sensitive society that we live in.  Would hate to offend those afflicted with BGS (backwards goatee syndrome).)