As we close out 2006, I just wanted to thank you all for your support. Those who have trolled the blogs for the last year know just how much has transpired, namely two Next Great Sportswriter contests. People have come and gone, but many of the originals remain.

Though I've now officially written 21 columns for FOXSports.com, my favorite piece was posted one year (and one day) ago while attempting to solidify a spot as a top 16 finalist in the first NGS contest.  Ahh yes, those were stressful days that I will never ever forget.  And I could think of no better way of celebrating the one year anniversary of the Quick Slants blog than re-posting a link to it. Ladies and gents...

December 28, 2005: Why I Should Win This Contest

Thanks, everyone. Thanks for giving me the opportunity of a lifetime!

Happy New Year and see you in 2007!

--Ty

There’s only one good way to describe this Quick Slants blog as of late: Tardy. Yes, it’s true. After making a valiant effort to return back to my roots in the blogosphere, I suffered a few setbacks, most notably a catastrophic hard drive crash that wiped out all my data and nearly knocked my radio show back to 2004. Oh, the humanity. Nonetheless, after getting all the bugs sorted out and taking an extended vacation to recharge, I’m ready to get this space fired back up. Sorry for the delay.

After having my Most Infamous Mascot Moments column published a few weeks ago, I was pounded with emails from readers who felt short-changed. Fair enough. I promised the fans that I'd post some of my favorite emails, so let’s give 'em their due...

You inexplicably left out the West Virginia Mountaineer mascot who, at a game I believe was in the late 90’s, shot himself in the face with his musket. He was dazed and confused after the self-inflicted wound, but not seriously injured. – Guy, Pittsburgh, PA

When the Carolina Hurricanes moved from Hartford, the arena in Raleigh was not ready so they played their games in Greensboro. The mascot, Stormy, was in the zamboni pre-game, and was supposed to jump out on a cued song. However, he was overcome from the exhaust fumes and could have died. Needless to say, no more zamboni surprises. – Jim K.

About 20 years ago, it was discovered that the student who played the UTEP mascot was no longer in school. When asked why he never told anyone he responded by saying something like "I enjoyed being the mascot so much I didn't want to give it up.” – Memo M.

What about VT's Hokey Bird incident with Florida when the Hokey Bird went wild and gave the other mascot a series of Haymakers and then was dragged out by Security? That is definitely an honorable mention!! – Erik R., New Jersey

Back in the mid-eighties, my wife was offered a job to don a Cabbage Patch Doll outfitted as a Cincinnati Reds player and dance at an MLB All Star game. After their dance was over, she saw then Vice-president George H.W. Bush approaching the field to throw the first ball. She thought it would make her dad, a lifelong Republican, proud if she could high-five the VP.

Imagine the picture of a life-sized Cabbage Patch Doll rushing and leaping into the air to high-five the Vice President! She was caught in midair by several Secret Service agents and in spite of that managed to touch gloves with the elder Bush.

She was spirited away by the Secret Service agents and while struggling to remove her Cabbage Patch head was peppered with questions such as "Are you an American? (No, I'm Canadian), "Why did you approach the Vice President?" (I thought I'd impress my dad?), "What is your name, and why are you here?" (Ummm, am I in trouble?), etc., etc.

When they finally managed to get the head off the Dancing Cabbage Patch Doll in a Pete Rose uniform, instead of a Lee Harvey Oswald, or exotic foreign Sirhan Sirhan type, they got a frightened blond, swimsuit-clad 16-year old girl. She burst into tears. She lost her job less than an hour later.

The next day the leading Cincinnati newspaper ran a picture of the Cabbage Patch Doll shaking hands with Vice President Bush on the front page and Mattel Toys was so happy about the promotion they made her boss hire her back to make several more appearances. I am still trying to find that front page picture. – Warren E.

As a fan of the Washington Huskies, the Sooner Schooner in the 1985 Orange Bowl ranks as one of the greatest gaffes by a mascot. By coming on to the field, the Schooner cost Barry Switzer’s Sooners a penalty and some points (I believe a FG) which may have cost them the game and the national title. – Jay W., UW Class of '86

You omitted the infamous Sooner Schooner incident at the 1985 Orange Bowl, which likely cost OU the game against Washington (and a shot at the National Championship). Shame on you!! – Todd F, Vacaville, CA

While not strictly a "mascot" boo-boo, my favorite "auxiliary" mess-up took place a long time (20+ years?) ago, when during a Bowl Game (Orange Bowl, maybe), the University of Oklahoma’s Boomer Sooner came onto the field during a field goal or extra point try, resulting in the kick being disallowed and, I believe, the Sooners losing. And as a member of the Stanford Band (yes, during the "play") at least we did not cost our team any points or the game. We may have looked silly, but at least we did not affect the game. – David R., Oakland, CA

Loved your story on mascots. It reminded me of a personal adventure. In the early nineties Minnesota had a minor league hockey team called the Minnesota Moose. The mascot was, of course, a moose on skates. Between the 2nd and 3rd period three of my friends and I found ourselves invited out on the ice for a human bowling contest. Things went downhill from there and we progressed into a mock brawl. The moose thought it would be a great idea to join in so he jumped on the pile of bodies that began to accumulate on the ice. This gave my friend the great idea of following suit. Unfortunately he weighs about 250 and decided to perform a Superfly Snuka body slam maneuver; subsequently breaking the moose's nose - his real nose- on the ice. All in a nights work I guess. Thanks for the stories. – Ben R., Minnesota

I was the University of Arizona's "Wilbur the Wildcat" that was tackled by the Arkansas Razorback at the Final Four in 1994. You mentioned that in your mascot article. Don’t know if you are interested or not, but I went on to become a pro baseball mascot for a team in Japan for several years. I just wanted to say I very much enjoyed reading your article. I look forward to reading future articles of yours. – Devin E.

In 2000, I was at a Wisconsin Badger Football game against the Michigan State Spartans at Camp Randall Stadium in Madison, WI. Later in the game as the Badgers were up big and scored another touchdown, Bucky stole the Michigan State Flag and did a lap around the stadium with it upside down forming a big green "W" as he made his way past the UW band a Michigan State MALE CHEERLEADER who was not too happy about the deal speared Bucky to the ground causing him to drop the flag. Police officers quickly handcuffed the assailant and took him away from the game, but I never heard what he received as a punishment from the whole deal. – Dan M.

Regarding the biggest gaffes by team mascots, you overlooked perhaps the biggest… In the 1980s the Pirate Parrot (Pittsburgh) was arrested and found guilty of selling cocaine. – Bruce F, Raleigh, NC

Great Story! But, you forgot about "Sir Slapshot" mascot of the Atlanta Knights of the IHL, who like Harvey the Hound was buzzing the bench when the Cincinnati Cyclones coach jumped the glass and punched the lovable, yet inflatable mascot. The incident landed the "Sir Slapshot" in the hospital for 3 days. – Childers

I enjoyed your article on “Most Infamous Mascot Moments.” Now, I expect to read a MIMM 2 or maybe “Son of MIMM” in the near future, as you’ll prolly receive thousands of such incidents from readers. One such “moment” involves the Texas Tech Masked Rider and horse. You may already know this, but in the last twelve years, Texas Tech has actually lost three horses that were serving as mascots: “Double T” died at Jones Stadium after he collided into a wall in 1994; “High Red” fatally ran into a fence after being ####ed from a storm in 1998; and “Black Phantom Raider” died following an automobile accident in August 2001. Not necessarily humorous, unless you’re an Aggie – Donald C., Austin, TX

I enjoyed reading your article on MSN today about being a mascot. I performed as our team mascot for five years before being “promoted” to the front office after finishing college.

Great to see someone finally recognize and appreciate the pain and suffering that goes along with being a mascot! It is not always fun and games as everyone thinks. Although I never found my way into court or on a television bloopers feature, there are lots of stories of embarrassment, injury, and humor from all those games. Thanks again for recognizing the other side of the life in fur! – Rex C.

As promised, I’ve consolidated your questions from email and blog comments into an NGS “mailbag” of sorts.  Some were technical questions, others were more philosophical.  Judging from the number of emails I received, this contest is going to dwarf the first one.  I think I speak on behalf of the website when I thank you for your interest.

Onto the questions…  names and handles have been withheld to protect the innocent…

 

Question #1:  When will this contest be over?

The winner will be announced on June 28th.

Question #2:  How did you prepare your material for the first round?

For all the newcomers, the first round of NGS 2 is more or less a free for all.  You're given absolutely no guidelines about what you can or can't write about.  If the powers-that-be deem your body of work worthy of the next step, you will be notified at the end of the first round and advance to the Sweet Sixteen.  That’s where the real fun begins.

What was my approach to "preparing my material?"  It wasn't so much an approach as it was a mindset.  I knew that I only had a finite amount of time to showcase my strengths, so I tried to formulate all my ideas with that in mind.  No matter what topics you choose to write about, try to play to your strengths and put forth a solid and consistent effort.

If you are serious about trying to win this thing, I would also suggest proofreading your work before you post.  Ultimately, you're trying to win over a lot of people -- a piece littered with errors screams "unprofessional," and that's certainly not the impression you want to make.  Furthermore, the fact that you may one day have the safety net of an editor does not mean that you shouldn't submit clean bodies of work.  At the very least, it's good practice.

That’s about the best answer I can give.  By no means am I an authority on telling you what your writing process should be, but that’s how I attacked things back in December.

Question #3:  What should I write about? 

Again, there are absolutely no restrictions on this -- it's totally up to you.  The bottom line is that your entries should be sports-related and consistently good.  Pick out some topics that will put you in the best position to do this and blog away.

Question #4:  If I’m interested in NGS II, where do I post my material?

The great part about the contest is that you can blog as normal and be rewarded for it.  There is absolutely nothing tricky about it.  Just keep posting like you normally would and the contest officials will review your blog, I promise.

Question #5:  Are performance enhancers allowed?

If by “performance enhancer,” you mean a dictionary, thesaurus, or another research tool, then by all means, yes!  And also, keep this on the down-low, but FOXSports.com will not be urine testing for caffeine, so don't worry if you're battling a raging Dr. Pepper addiction.

Question #6:  Can former finalists compete?

Absolutely.  From the sounds of it, I’m the only previous finalist not allowed to enter, which all but shatters my dreams of a WWE-style title defense.  I suppose I could enter under an assumed name, but that would just be… well…  stupid.

Question #7:  Can I submit a previously written piece for the contest?

As long as you’re the one that wrote it, you’re more than welcome to post it if you feel strongly about it.

Question #8:  Can you give us a word of advice for surviving the contest?

Actually, I can give you a whole paragraph.

I know that this contest provides a glimmer of hope to thousands of prospective sportswriters, but don’t put too much pressure on yourself.  When you start comparing your pieces to the other ones that have been written by the thousands of competitors out there, it’s very easy to get down on yourself and lose confidence.  Don’t fall into this trap.  Likewise, you should know that negative feedback is commonplace in this field – I haven’t been writing that long and already I’ve figured this out.  (Let’s face it, everyone knows everything about sports!)  Take things in stride and don’t let the inevitability of negative comments hold you back.  Ignore the bad, focus on the good.

Basically, all you can control is what you write.  Do that well, and the rest will fall into place.  I read one entry that really hit the nail on the head:  “I’m just going to do my normal routine and write what I feel about the day.”  My thoughts exactly.

…..

Again, best of luck to everyone that plans to compete.  Obviously, some will take this more seriously than others, but don’t get so caught up in it that you stop having fun. 

As always, I’m committed to helping you all out by answering your questions and posting new information as it becomes available – please let me know if you feel this is helpful.  My email address is tyhildenbrandt@gmail.com... consider it an open door.

More details in the next few days!

Since many of you were kind enough to contribute to the good news I received back on February 8th, I begged the higher-ups at FOXSports.com to let me be the first to break this news.  Thankfully, they obliged.

Yes, yes…  the Next Great Sportswriter contest is back and better than ever.

I realize this will spark a flurry of questions, so before my inbox gets flooded with 10,000 messages, let me field the most obvious ones first.  Many more details are forthcoming from those directly in charge, but here's what I can tell you as of now:

1) When will the next contest be starting up?

The first round of the next contest will be starting next week.  Surprise!  Again, you’ll want to stay tuned to FOXSports.com for all the details.

2) Have changes been made to the format?

Yes, the diligent folks at FOXSports.com have made some tweaks to make this upcoming contest even better.  At this juncture, I won’t comment on the exact nature of the changes, but I will say that I had the opportunity to offer my own feedback from NGS 1.0 and am very excited about the amendments.  Again, you’ll find out more details in the coming days -- I didn’t want to leave out anything critical, so I’ll leave the meat of this question to the real experts.

3) What should I do now?

Gear up for the weeks ahead.  If you’re serious about making a run at this thing, give your entries a little extra elbow grease.  I know from my conversations with Tom Seeley that the website is enthusiastic about finding another talented writer, so if you fit the bill, don’t be afraid to leave it all out on the field.  If you write your heart out, the rest will fall into place.

4) What if I have more questions?

For now, you should consider me a liaison between the blogosphere and FOXSports.com.  I’ll sort of be like the Iraqi Information Minister, only minus the ridiculous statements. 

One of the biggest things that needed to be fixed after the first contest was the flow of information from top to bottom, so I’ve volunteered to help get everyone on the same page.  If you have any pressing questions after you get the full scoop in the next few days, feel free to send them my way at tyhildenbrandt@gmail.com.  I'll be putting together semi-frequent NGS Mailbags to keep you plugged into all the latest information.  And don't worry, to avoid creating any whirlwind for prospective participants, I promise to keep your identities anonymous.

…..

So, there it is.  It is with great pleasure that I officially announce the coming of Next Great Sportswriter II.  I am overjoyed to be involved with the proceedings and very much looking forward to the weeks ahead – I haven’t been this excited since Major League II.

Best of luck to everyone and stay tuned for more details!

After getting no love on the NGS Judge's blog from my readers (seriously, you all should be ashamed of yourselves), I've decided to take matters into my own hands, P-Diddy style, and launch an aggressive self-promotion campaign.  That's right, if you won't do it, I will.  I won’t be giving myself a crazy nickname like “T-Unit,” but whether you like it or not, you're getting the reasons why I should be selected as a finalist.  And, since I don't have any racy photos like some of the others, I'm going to have to do it the hard way, one sentence at a time.

I have never knowingly had contact with Victor Conte.

I am automatic from inside 58-yards with any kicker of 89 or better rating in Madden 2001-2006.

I weigh more than Ashley Olsen.

But, less than Greg Olson.

I think that, in no particular order, Dickie Thon, Mackey Sasser, and Candy Maldonado are the best three names in the history of baseball.

I secretly own a small stash of Pogs and a holographic, baseball-themed "slammer."

I have set spreads and wagered on games of NBA Jam: Tournament Edition.

I want Elisabeth Hasselbeck to go to jail, for something… anything.

I am a podcaster.

I would rather #### fire than endure another season of the BCS.

I have seen and memorized every minute of Journey's Greatest Hits DVD.

I still think Ron Powlus should've won three Heismans.

I own a career .000 batting average on the high school level.

I am worth at least $250,000 in the current free agent market.

I have never popped my collar.

I am concerned for Ruben Studdard’s well-being.

I would trade for Ron Artest.

I think Matt Millen should be excommunicated.

I think Isiah Thomas should be tarred and feathered.

I can beat Bubble Bobble in less than 60 minutes.

I have been booed out of Veterans' Stadium after turning a surefire triple into a ground rule double.

I believe Jack Bauer could kill Walker Texas Ranger in sixteen seconds with his bare hands.

I know a gym teacher who wrestled a live bear, and won.

I have never been to Lake Minnetonka.

I have 5.32 speed.

I am starting to embrace the passing cone in Madden NFL 2006.

I firmly believe that Major League III never happened.

I drive a Dodge …Neon.

I think Owen Wilson should be in every movie.

I feel I owe something the inventor of the computer-generated “first and ten” line.

I would put Eva Longoria and Jessica Alba ahead of Angelina Jolie any day of the week.

I am the host of a popular, national, internet radio show devoted to the New York Yankees that I created and built on my own accord.

I have owned a Mark Gastineau Starting Lineup and had it stolen at a college party.

I enjoy going to the dentist.

I wish fantasy points were awarded for television appearances, in which case, Tiki Barber would’ve earned me 6,728,293 points this season.

I believe Bo Jackson to be the greatest celebrity softball player of all time.

I would ask out JoJo if I were under 18.

I am injury-prone.

I am convinced that Ryan Seacrest is the antichrist.

I think Shaq's role as Neon in "Blue Chips" deserved serious Golden Globe consideration.

I am su####ious that Dan Hawkins is Nick Nolte in disguise.

I frequently substitute black Nike socks for actual dress socks.

I think Mike Tyson has finally faded into “bolivian.”

I have used replica WWE Championship belts as trophies in multiple alcohol-related events.

I believe All Star 2Ball was an even worse idea than the WNBA.

I have prayed for world peace, the end of poverty, and the production of "Old School II."

I believe Drew Rosenhaus is an agent playing an agent.

I will never buy diamonds from Jeff Reardon, again.

I am a card-carrying member of the Daunte Culpepper Fantasy Support Group.

I have owned, and worn in public, a Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf jersey…  before he joined Al-Qaeda.

I once leveraged my formal, technical training to create a low-budget, computerized drinking game.

I have been kicked out of an online baseball league for a petty pitching infraction.

And surprisingly, I am single.