In 2006 $51 million can buy you 51,515,151 Wendy’s junior bacon cheeseburgers or it can buy the Boston Red Sox one conversation with a Japanese pitching sensation.  Considering the 2006 payroll for the Red Sox totaled $120,099,824, Red Sox management must be dead serious if they are willing to spend the equivalent of 42% of their payroll to negotiate with Daisuke Matsuzaka of Japan’s Seibu Lions club.

           The 26 year old pitcher from Tokyo makes a meager $3 million a year in Japan. Should his negotiations with the Red Sox succeed, he could earn as much as $10 million a year for Boston. (That’s roughly 1.16 billion yen.)

            So if $51 million can buy you the opportunity to talk to the kid who throws a gyroball (think of a wicked screwball), could help beat your archenemies and win a title, what else could $51 million buy?

             For starters, $51 million can buy 34,000,000 school lunches. With the average school lunch costing $1.50, the Red Sox could feed the 57,900 Boston public school children 587 times. 

Of course, the Red Sox need savvy businessmen on their payroll to help finance their lofty goals, therefore the need of college graduates is in high demand. If the Red Sox wanted the top of the class, they could provide full tuition ($43,655) to 1,168 undergraduate students at Harvard University for the 2006-2007 academic year.

            To commute around Boston on the subway, the cost of a ride is $1.25. Therefore, the Red Sox organization could treat the city to 40,800,000 free subway rides. With an average of 639,400 riders each day, the Red Sox could afford to pay for 63 days of free rides. Of course, if you want to drive around the city in the lap of luxury, the Red Sox could buy 1,712 brand new BMW 325i series for their most devoted fans.

            If Matsuzaka decided to move to Boston, the average rent on a two-bedroom apartment is $1,900. If the Red Sox decided to spend $51 million on housing, they could rent 2,236 two-bedroom apartments for one year; providing housing for 4,472 people.

             While $51 million can buy a lot, it can also cost you a lot too; just ask Mick Jagger and the Rolling Stones. The famed band cancelled a concert in Atlantic City four hours before show time on October 27, 2006. Rosalie Druyan of Brooklyn, New York was so angry that she sued the band for $51 million accusing fraud and “acting in bad faith because of the cancellation.” Ms. Druyan claims that the cancelled concert cost her and thousands of fans money on non-refundable hotel bookings.

            While the Rolling Stone case is still pending, another $51 million dollar law suit is in the appeal stages for the drug company Merek & Co., makers of the prescription painkiller Vioxx. Initially, a jury awarded retired FBI agent Gerald Barnett $51 million in his case that Vioxx caused his heart attack in 2002. In recent months, a US District Court judge in New Orleans ruled that the award was “grossly excessive” and ordered a new trial to determine a more appropriate award for Mr. Barnett.

            So $51 million is “grossly excessive” for a heart attack and completely rational for a baseball negotiation?! I guess $51 million can buy you just about anything, but it can’t cure cancer or provide world peace. If those two items are too much to ask for, the Red Sox are willing to spend their $51 million on the chance to win another World Series in the next century. For most Red Sox fans, that’s money well spent.

 

I know, I should be flogged for my blogging-absence, but time has been a short commodity for me this past month. I am about to open in a great show at the Capital Rep Theater in Albany, NY and I encourage everyone to check out www.capitalrep.org and click on “Five Course Love.” (Also, I am on a dial-up connection and it sucks!)

10. The fact that I have not put up a posting in nearly a month because I can’t think of anything to write since I am trying to memorize 250 pages of text for the show I am in.

9. Being 6’ tall isn’t always a good thing. Case in point: the goofy stride of Maria Sharapova at Wimbledon, chasing for those well-placed shots.

8. They say breaking a mirror means 7 years of bad luck. With that in mind, does it mean the 7’x 10’ mirror I smashed when I fell in to it last night mean I’ll have 70 years of bad luck?

7. Driving home from the grocery store last Sunday, I thought I accidentally joined an Italian Pride Parade mid-route…not realizing that I missed the World Cup Finale and was in the middle of a celebratory riot.

6. It really is a Red Sox nation. After attending a game at Atlanta’s Turner Field in June, there were more Boston fans there than Braves fans. (Considering the season Atlanta is having, I guess that shouldn’t be too shocking.)

5. I still can’t get in to baseball the way I can follow football, but at least they do everything possible at baseball games to make sure you have a great time. (The Napoleon Dynamite dance break in the 6th inning was an instant highlight!)

4. What will happen to the Northwestern Wildcats after the death of Randy Walker? What happens to any team when they loose their ultimate captain?

3. How many more days to NCAA Football kickoff?

2. Is it wrong to date someone because he can get you US Tennis Open tickets?

1. I started watching Celebrity Poker on Bravo and ESPN and actually love it! Does this mean that ultimate dominos are next?

I know this is a rough blog entry, but I was missing the conversation…but I plan on being more punctual once the show opens on the 21st! Cheers blogging nation!