Last Thursday I happened to be home at night for the first time in awhile and noticed the ESPN primetime Thursday game was on.  It was between Dallas and Chicago, and I was excited to see Blanco and Denilson in action.  However it became very apparent to me early on that ESPN would do everything in its power to annoy me enough that I would not want to watch the game any longer.  This isn’t the first time either, between the women’s world cup(which I have caught glimpses of as I get ready for work), and the friendly between LA Galaxy and Chelsea FC(Beckham’s first game) ESPN has taken every opportunity to try and put their own stamp on the coverage of the game, and it drives me insane. Before I go off ranting about what they did wrong, let me tell you what I feel is the right way to broadcast a soccer game.  Tune in any weekend on Fox soccer channel and watch any premier league game.  Typically there are two commentators, but sometimes only one.  During the game they do something so incredible, so amazing, I am blown away every time I watch.  What is it, you ask?  Well they tell me what is happening in the game in nothing else!!  I don’t hear about this person’s contribution to charity, or this person’s criminal record, or how this person made it from the slums, against all odds, no they just tell me basically who has the ball, and small tidbits about what is going on in the game.  Sometimes the announcers don’t even talk, which is quite amazing if you compare it to any of the major sports in the US, where the commentator feels they must fill us in on every conceivable thing that is going on with each and every one of the players on the field, football being the worst. 

Now too what is wrong with how ESPN broadcasts a game?  I already touched on the fact that the commentators talk too much, but let’s go even further, sideline reporters, and halftime talks.  I get so angry when I hear these in basketball and football that I wanted to cry when I first saw ESPN due this in Beckham’s first game.  Let me give a good example of useless material a sideline reporter donates to the game.  Recently I was watching the Patriots vs. Chargers game, when it was halftime.  At the half the Chargers were down by a score of 24-0, when the reporter gave us this little bit of insight into the game, she said “I talked to one of the Chargers players, and they said they had them right where they wanted them.”  How does that even make sense, since when does  a teams game plan start with ok guys we want to lull them into a false sense of security, so we are going to give them a really big league for the half, let them totally dominate us in every facet of the game, and then somehow make a miraculous comeback.  It never happens, and because of sideline reporters and their useless information, I had to think about this for much longer than I should have.  

The reason I bring up sideline reporting is because in the LA Galaxy vs. Chelsea FC game, they had them all over the field, the one that sticks out most vividly in my mind was when they talked to Jennifer Love Hewitt.  It was quite evident that she absolutely knew nothing about the sport, and could offer nothing of substance about what was happening in the game, which is fine, I could care less if she knows nothing she has huge boobs, but for the love of god don’t talk to her during the game.  

This helps me segway into my next problem with ESPN, cutting away from the game, or minimizing the window for other information.  I understand why they do this, but I wish they would stop.  ESPN is used to producing American games which as we all know have many small breaks, which are filled with advertising, and when there is too much advertising, they give us lots of stats and other useless info to help pass the time.  So ESPN has decided to do this with soccer, but they are missing one small thing, soccer doesn’t stop.  Some good examples of this are when they cut away to talk to Jennifer Love Hewitt, or even better was the Dallas vs. Chicago game, when they decided to have a little fluff piece in the middle of the game about Denilson learning English, in which they actually showed him in a classroom learning.  Don’t get me wrong that is great Denilson is learning the language, but for the love of god don’t cut away in the middle of the game to show me that ####!  On top of that ESPN really enjoys minimizing the screen so they can show other stats, like the teams Denilson played for, or the Becks Cam.   

The Becks cam was during the LA Chelsea game where they had one camera showing the game, and another showing just David Beckham himself.  It was so disorienting, and pointless.  I will give you a great reason why they should never do this again, in soccer camp years ago, to prove a point about not dribbling too much, my coach asked me how long I thought a player like Maradona touched the ball for the entire game.  He told me on average Maradona had the ball for only two minutes a game.  Consider that for a second, arguably the world’s greatest player, who was known for dribbling by many defenders only had the ball for just over two percent of the entire game.  Now picture a camera on a player like Beckham who is known for his long passes, and probably holds a ball for no more than 20 seconds an entire game, it means you are just watching a guy run around doing what looks like nothing.  

My last complaint is about the announcing in general, but this is mainly carry over from the World Cup.  I touched on most of this in the beginning, but I didn’t mention ESPN’s dumbing down of the game.  By this I mean how after every foul, every shot, every pass, Marcelo Balboa and Shep Messing broke it down like I had never seen a soccer game before.  Now I think I understand why this was done, ESPN probably thought a lot of the viewers were watching the game for the first time, and they wanted those people to understand what is going on, but you know what?  It is soccer, it really isn’t that hard a sport to comprehend, if they don’t get it, they can look it up on the internet.  Dumbing down the game is not only annoying, I felt it was quite insulting to the millions of other people who actually understood what was going on.  I also never noticed this done in any of the other major sports, they assume you understand what is going on, and the game is that more watch able because of that.  

That’s my two cents; let me know what you think.