Baseball's winter meetings are taking place in California this week and the biggest topic of conversation is the San Diego Padres' presumed trade of ace pitcher Jake Peavy, with the Atlanta Braves the alleged frontrunner.
David O'Brien of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reports that the Braves made it clear they won’t trade top pitching prospect Tommy Hanson, the right-hander that Padres GM Kevin Towers craves as the centerpiece in a trade package for Peavy.
The Braves have at least $40 million to spend on 2009 additions and hope to land two proven starting pitchers and a power-hitting outfielder this winter. They are looking far and wide, including to the other side of the Pacific Rim, where a Braves representative met over the weekend with hard-throwing Japanese free-agent pitcher Junichi Tazawa.
Boston and Seattle also are vying for the services of Tazawa, whose price tag won’t be nearly as prohibitive as some Japanese stars coming the majors. Tazawa pitched in the Japan’s Industrial League and was passed over by the country’s 12 highest-level teams after making it clear he wanted to come pitch in the United States.
Peavy, an Alabama native, has a no-trade clause and told his agent the Braves were among five NL teams he’d want to be traded to if he can’t stay with the Padres, whose owner is going through a divorce and wants to slash Padres payroll in advance of a team sale.
St. Louis was also on that list and is expected to make an offer for Peavy, but doubts have been raised over whether Cardinals have enough young talent to entice the Padres.
Milwaukee could present a package to compete with a Braves offer, but some who know Peavy doubt he’d waive his no-trade clause to be dealt to Milwaukee. He has homes in San Diego and Semmes, Ala., outside Mobile, and also owns a lodge on the Alabama River in the northern part of the state.
A person familiar with the Peavy situation said Braves officials met with Padres general manager Kevin Towers on Sunday night and again Monday, and the two sides discussed several proposals that didn’t include Hanson, whom the Braves refuse to part with.
Braves general manager Frank Wren spoke only in general terms. “We had some conversations with general managers and also some conversations with [representatives of] free agents,” he said.
Towers wants two young pitchers in any package for Peavy, 27, the 2007 National League Cy Young Award winner who is under contract for $63 million over the next four seasons, or $81 million for five if an option is exercised.
Even with Hanson off the table, the Braves might be able to do a trade that included two from among other young pitchers including Charlie Morton and James Parr, left-hander Jo-Jo Reyes and prospects Kris Medlen and lefties Cole Rohrbough and Jeff Locke.
There were reports the Braves might go for Peavy with a trade package including shortstop Yunel Escobar and one of their center-field prospects, Jordan Schafer or Gorkys Hernandez.
Meanwhile, the LA Times claims that free agents CC Sabathia and Mark Teixeira are drawing the most interest at the meetings. Sabathia received an offer from the Milwaukee Brewers over the weekend that is believed to be worth about $100 million, according to multiple reports. He is expected to fetch more on the open market.
Sports Illustrated's Jon Heyman confirmed that while that's an incredible, unprecedented move for the small-market team, and Sabathia remarked several times during the season how much he liked playing and living in Milwaukee, the Brewers are still viewed as a major long shot in what promises to be a spirited derby.
Brewers GMDoug Melvin this morning confirmed that an offer was made to Sabathia but declined to discuss the dollar figure for the 28-year-old left-hander who went 17-10 with a 2.70 ERA overall and 11-2 with a 1.65 ERA with Milwaukee. Word here is that the proposal was for four or five years and between $20 and $25 million, and quite possibly for $100 million over five years.
"We've given him a proposal,'' Melvin confirmed.
The competition will be stiff. The Yankees, desperately hoping to upgrade their rotation, are expected to make a big play for Sabathia, and at least the Dodgers and Angels are expected to show strong interest in the Vallejo, Calif. native as well. The world champion Phillies could also emerge as a surprise entrant in a derby that's expected to wind up well into the nine figures. He could beat Johan Santana's record $137.5-million Mets contract, though probably not with the Brewers.
Melvin declined to categorize the Brewers' chances but acknowledged the difficulty of any team retaining a major free agent once it gets to this stage.
"I don't remember the last time a club re-signed their own free agent,'' Melvin said. "We have a better opportunity than we would have thought. We probably wouldn't have made an offer for CC if he didn't do what he did for our club and seen what kind of individual he is.''
While everyone agrees Sabathia is a fine person, it still will be difficult to overcome a major dollar deficit. The other 29 teams are disallowed from making offers to Sabathia until 15 days after the World Series ended (Nov. 14), but the Brewers and Sabathia both understand they won't be the high bidder in this derby. The Yankees will most likely be that team.
"We know he liked the experience and he liked some of his (Brewers) teammates,'' Melvin said. "We'll just have to wait to hear from his guy. There are a lot of questions. Is it the right money? Is it where he wants to be?''
Tennessee fans are getting what they've been clamoring for -- the dismissal of head coach Phillip Fulmer at seasons' end. Still, Tony Barnhart, perhaps the South's top college football writer doubts whether the scholl can land the rock star coaching talent that would satisfy the fan base and compete in the SEC.
Tennessee is one of the toughest jobs in all of college football. It’s because the expectation is that Tennessee will be on par with Alabama, Florida, and Georgia on a yearly basis without some of the built-in advantages that those programs have, especially in recruiting. When Tennessee had it going in the 1990s, Fulmer and his staff were able to dip down into Georgia and Alabama for great players. Now Richt and recruiting coordinator Rodney Garner, a former Tennessee assistant, have put up a wall around Georgia. Saban is doing the same thing at Alabama.
The new head coach at Tennessee has to accept the fact he will have to recruit nationally and work significantly harder in order to get the talent to compete with those three schools. Can it be done? Absolutely. Tennessee will spend whatever it takes to recruit. But it is hard.
The other names I see out there are younger coaches who would want to step up. Here is where it gets tricky and where, if Hamilton hires the wrong guy, he could be the next guy out the door.
Do you turn the keys to the Tennessee football franchise over to a Mike Leach (Texas Tech), whose offense is entertaining but plays in a league where the best defense (Texas Tech) is ranked No. 54 in the country?
Do you hire a young up and comer like Will Muschamp, 37, who looks like the next Bob Stoops or Mark Richt but has no head coaching experience?
Do you completely step outside your comfort zone and hire a Todd Graham (Tulsa) or Chris Peterson (Boise State) with no ties to the South?
Jon Gruden? Lane Kiffin? Are you kidding me?
Here’s the point. You can’t just plug anybody into a job like Tennessee, no matter how successful they might be elsewhere. There is a cultural component to this job that must be taken into account. Some Tennessee fans say they want to find the football version of Bruce Pearl. Pearl is a brilliant combination of basketball coach/promoter. But basketball and football in this part of the world are like Venus and Mars. What works on one planet does not work on the other.
That is why this is going to be such a tough hire. Let’s put it this way. Alabama, for all its great tradition, had to go through a painful process with some very public turn downs (Rich Rodriguez) before it convinced Nick Saban to come. Saban and his agent, Jimmy Sexton, had all the leverage and were able to extract one of the best contracts in college football history. Tennessee now finds itself in the same situation.
One suggestion to the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel's Badger Blog was for the Wisconsin Badgers to pick up Fulmer and send suddenly-embattled Bret Bielema off to Knoxville. Long-time beat reporter Jeff Potrykus isn't convinced that the UW should dump him, but does ask fans for their thoughts.
Call me an apologist (that's been done) or tell me I'm walking on egg shells around the head coach (been accused of that, too) but I just don't believe one very disappointing season out of three warrants a pink slip.
I believe that holds true for all workers -- from football coaches to ditch diggers and even lawyers.
I wonder if the same folks calling for Bielema's head were calling for Alvarez's head after UW finished 4-5-2 in 1995. That sub-.500 finish came after an 8-3-1 finish in 1994 (helped by a Michigan State forfeit), which came after a 10-1-1 finish in 1993.
It seems some folks have chosen to ignore that dip, or the dip in 2001 and '02.
Not everyone is calling for Bielema's head, though.
Many of you are calling for my head because of my failure to hold Bielema "accountable."
So I ask today: What in the world does that mean?
According to the Associated Press, Bielema says he lost some credibility with his players after being penalized while complaining about a call at a critical point in the team's 25-24 loss to Michigan State.
But he says the penalty is not an indication of a lack of maturity. At 38, Bielema is the fourth youngest coach in NCAA Bowl Subdivision football.
Bielema agreed when asked if he lost some credibility with his players because of the penalty. Bielema was penalized late in the game for arguing a call.
He says his reaction was a poor example to the players. But he says that they understand a single play or penalty doesn't determine the outcome of the game.
Bielema says it's something that he will remember and use to become a better person.
Finally, if you think people aren't swayed one way or the other by those political yard signs, then you don't know Shirley Nagel, the Grosse Pointe Farms, MI lady who made a name for herself on Halloween for her refusal to pass out candy to the kids of Obama supporters.
As the Detroit Free Press reported, Nagel planted a sign in her yard that read, "No handouts for Obama supporters, liars, tricksters or kids of supporters". Nagel, according to media reports, brought tears to the eyes of some of the young trick-or –treaters that she turned away.
Isn’t American politics great? Not only are the people you disagree with to be vilified; now their children are to be shunned? Forget the notion that reasonable people can disagree, politics is "war" and if a few children get caught in the crosshairs, well, what’s "war" without a little “collateral damage”?
So Nagel has made history for having the only presidential election yard sign in America that may actually switch a few votes. But probably not in the way she intended.
Hey, she even made Keith Olbermann's list as Worst Person in the World. As Don King would say, only in America!
The phrase, "on any given Sunday" usually refers to the National Football League and the ever-present possibility of an upset. Still, on any given Sunday, there are dozens of heartbreaks all over America due to college football losses on the previous day.
I can't begin to comprehend the sorrow in Austin, TX -- where the Longhorns' dreams of a national championship were broken with a loss to rival Texas Tech. And I can even feel some sympathy in Ann Arbor, MI -- where their Michigan Wolverines are eliminated for bowl eligibility for the first time in 33 years.
Still, there is also some sadness and anger here in Madison, WI -- after the Badgers' second collapse in the state of Michigan. For the third time, Wisconsin lost a 4th quarter lead and lost a winnable game, this time to the MSU Spartans, 25-24.
If you're wondering, the poll on http://www.firebretbielema.com/ is running 77% in favor of dismissing the UW head football coach. And before last Saturday's loss, I probably wouldn't have agreed with them.
That was then and this is now. And now, I am convinced that Wisconsin will never reach the Rose Bowl, much less compete for a national title, as long as Bielema is coaching this team.
Yes, you can point to his overall record, but you can also make the argument that most of those wins were stacked up with Barry Alvarez' recruits. And I'm not at all advocating a campaign of discouraging good kids from coming to play for Wisconsin.
And yet, I ask this question: What does a coach do?
To me, a college coach does three things:
Prepare his/her players to succeed -- both in the game and in life.
Instill team discipline -- that is, by repetition and enforcement, make sure the players know the rules and can play with passion but under control.
Finally, after all of that, the successful coach makes adjustments during the game to put his/her team in a position to win the game.
And in all phases of that assessment, Bret Bielema fails miserably. This recent loss to Michigan State is a microcosm of what's gone wrong with this program.
As in the loss to Michigan, the coaching staff prepared the Badgers with a good gameplan. But the Spartans made adjustments and Wisconsin did not. With the Badgers leading the Big Ten in penalties -- including 12 for 121 yards vs. MSU -- it's apparent that Bielema's team is sorely lacking in discipline.
Yet, the kicker was the fact that Bielema can't even show discipline himself. The game was essentially lost when the coach mouthed off to an official and was assessed a 15 yrd. unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. And after all that, the Badgers were still in a position to win the game by getting one last first down and running out the clock. But instead, they were socked with two straight penalties and had to punt the ball back to the Spartans.
Still, the clock was running out -- literally -- on MSU as they scrambled to get their field goal squad on the field. That's when the head coach called a time-out, allowing the other team to regroup and kick the winning score.
Last week, I suggested that the Motor City Bowl might not be such a bad thing. It's closer and therefore, much more affordable than a trip to Florida. But now, I feel that it would a waste of my time and money to return to the great state of Michigan to watch yet another Badger meltdown. I also wonder aloud, whether there are more UW fans who will vote with their pocketbook and skip that Detroit trip as well.
I'll say it again, the Badgers will NOT win the Big Ten with this man as head coach. If Bielema actually turns this program and takes the UW to Pasadena, I will print this column out and eat it with american fries at Mickey's Dairy Bar.
The schedule says that Wisconsin has three games left in this season. But I won't be watching them and I wonder how many others will find something, ANYTHING better to do than waste time on an undisciplined football team.
I can probably sing better than Joe The Plumber too!
The new guy in Milwaukee is the old guy that the players couldn't wait to get rid of in Oakland.
When the Oakland Athletics fired Macha after the 2006 season despite the team claiming an American League West championship, general manager Billy Beane said there was a "disconnect on several levels." Reports surfaced that Macha had poor relationships with some of his players.
None of that mattered much to Milwaukee Brewers general manager Doug Melvin, who made Macha the franchise's 17th manager Thursday when he announced a two-year deal for the 58-year-old career baseball man. As he told the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel...
"I had received calls from people that said it wasn't that much of an issue," Melvin said. "If you look in the paper, every ballclub will have issues over the course of the year.
"You're going to have that whether you're a winning club or a losing club. Of all the people I interviewed during this whole process, almost every manager felt they were let go for the same reasons and said there was a disconnect of communication with the players."
At his introductory news conference at Miller Park, Macha said those reports made the situation appear worse than it really was.
Based on comments from several Oakland players after his ouster, it appeared that Macha wasn't well liked and didn't back his players. Jason Kendall, Macha's catcher for two seasons in Oakland, was quoted by the San Francisco Chronicle as saying, "Maybe Billy saw the same thing the players saw. If Billy gets blasted in the media, it's ridiculous."
On Thursday, Kendall, now the Brewers' catcher, said there was more of a communication gap between Beane and Macha than one with the players.
"That whole thing got blown way out of proportion," Kendall said. "His track record speaks for itself. He's a great baseball man.
"I think it was more miscommunication between him and the general manager."
Kendall also said he enjoyed playing for Macha, and Macha said "Jason Kendall won't be a problem."
"When you get dismissed, there has to be a reason, and whatever reason that might be, it sticks with."
A JS-online.com poll has a slight majority of fans thinking that Macha's selection is a good thing. I just don't.
Now that he's made his managerial choice, Melvin's next job is trying to re-sign CC Sabathia. Macha said on Newsradio 620 WTMJ's "Greenhouse," Melvin is preparing an offer to Sabathia that likely will turn into a four-year, $100,000,000 attempt to keep him in Brewers blue and gold.
"We knew when we acquired him, the chances of keeping him were slim, but he enjoyed it here, and because of that, we feel we have at least that opportunity," said Brewers general manager Doug Melvin.
A week ago, it looked like the Wisconsin Badgers had little chance of making even the Motor City Bowl -- the reward to the Big Ten 7th place team. Now, with a victory over Illinois and a 4-4 record, fans are letting themselves dream of a return trip to Florida, albeit to the Champs Sports Bowl.
Vince Sweeney, UW senior associate athletic director, doesn't think those Florida trips will preclude UW from being considered for the Champs Bowl.
"We think we've got fans that follow us," Sweeney told the Badger Beat. "(Florida Citrus Sports') experience with us has been a positive experience. We haven't had any indications come our way that the folks in Orlando are looking for somebody other than us.''
Still, let's not dismiss that Dec. 26 trip to Detroit. Ken Hoffman, the executive director of the Motor City Bowl, never expected to be talking in late October about the possibility of the Wisconsin Badgers football team playing in his bowl.
Yet, one of the many reasons the Badgers would be so appealing to the Motor City Bowl is because they've never been there.
"When you have a chance to have new teams ... that kind of variety is just good for the game," Hoffman said.
"It's good for the city in which the game is played. I think it's really good for the fans who are coming to the game, to see something a little different."
Hoffman might have one of the toughest jobs among all bowl representatives in convincing a Big Ten team that a trip to Ford Field for a Dec. 26 game is a reward.
"Perception is reality," Hoffman admitted. "Some people will have a perception of coming to Detroit that's not what we believe it is. Detroit is so vastly improved from five or 10 years ago. We had the Super Bowl here two years ago.
"While some people understand it's not 75 degrees here in December, we have an awful lot of great things to offer for the winter fans. And the game itself is going to be in perfect weather conditions.''
Finally, I am NOT Joe The Plumber! Some woman at happy hour last night asked if I was and it threw off my whole night.
Sheesh, let me count the ways.
I'm not a plumber.
I'm not a Republican.
I'm not pretending to buy out my boss' business.
I'm not hiring a publicist. (Although, you think I should?)
And I am NOT considering making a country-western recording.
Yes, I shave my head, but that's as far as it goes, lady. I'm having a bad hair life, okay?
This just in, Patti LaBelle can still bring down the house...
The talk of the sports world this morning came from an otherwise meaningless game between the currently hapless San Francisco 49ers and the distinctly mediocre Seattle Seahawks.
According to the Sacramento Bee, the new head coach Mike Singletary spoke a lot today about Vernon Davis. And he spoke a lot of about cancers in the locker room and how they can damage a team. But he was careful to separate the two. "Vernon is not a problem," Singletary said. "Vernon is not a problem guy. Vernon forgets sometimes that the team is more important. ... You have to be able to separate the two. He is not a guy who's a distraction on the team."
Which is not to suggest that Singletary isn't still steamed over Davis' performance yesterday. To recap: Davis was hit with a 15-yard unnecessary roughness penalty when he flicked the underside of Brian Russell's facemask. Singletary said he saw the whole thing and thought Davis was "kidding when he did it." What seemed to upset Singletary more was Davis' reaction. He tried to talk to Davis as he came off the sideline and Davis was defensive. When he looked behind him a few seconds later, Davis was being demonstrative on the bench.
Singletary said he had a conversation just last week with Davis in which he urged the talented tight end to be a leader on the team. His actions on the sideline were entirely opposed to what the new coach was looking for. "It just hit me the wrong way," Singletary said. He said he hadn't yet spoken with Davis and didn't mention any disciplinary action. He said he was not the type of coach who plays psychological games with players and would not give Davis the silent treatment. "It's not that he's out of my good graces," Singletary said. "Not at all. I don't have a doghouse." Which leads one to believe that Davis won't be subject to any disciplinary action ...
If anyone can get his team ready to play, Mike Singletary will do it after the players hear what he said. And I do mean, as in listenhere! Dan Patrick said on his radio show this morning that Singletary sounded like Samuel L. Jackson in "Pulp Fiction" (remember the Ezekiel speech?) after the 49ers lost to the Seattle Seahawks, 34-13, adding "I don't think Singletary was trying to sound tough. I think he simply is tough."
Said Singletary: "... It will change and it will change ... because they want to be champions. ... Our formula is this: We go out and hit people in the mouth, No. 1. No. 2, we are not a charity. We cannot give them the game. That's No. 2. And No. 3 is we execute, from the very start of the game to the very end of the game. That did not happen ..."
There's an old James Brown song,"Talkin' Loud And Sayin' Nothin" -- and I think, after yesterday's rant, we can safely say that ditty does NOT describe the new 49ers head coach.
Meanwhile, back in Seattle, the ax fell this afternoon for UW coach Ty Willingham. Molly Yanity of the Seattle Post-Intelligencer reports Willingham and athletic director Scott Woodward made the announcement at a news conference Monday.
Willingham has been under fire for being unable to turn around the Washington program.
Woodward has said he did not want to change coaches during the middle of the season. But he said Monday's announcement ends speculation of what is going to happen with Willingham and lets the team focus on the final five games.
The World Series could come to an end in Philadelphia tonight, but that isn't even the talk of the town and it's not the Eagles,either. As Ed Moran of the Philadelphia Daily News explains...maybe it’s because the World Series is in town, but so far there hasn't been the familiar outcry about the "typical" Philadelphia fans that usually erupts after one of those all too-"typical" Philadelphia sports scenes that become legend and get listed right under "throw snowballs at Santa Claus." In this case it was a flaming smoke bomb thrown onto the ice after a contested goal in overtime in Saturday's 3-2 Flyers win over New Jersey in the Wachovia Center. But can the noise be far behind?
It was an outrageous and dangerous act that covered the ice surface with smoke, chased the Devils' coaching staff from the bench and left the city with another fan-based black eye.
"We were not happy," Comcast-Spectacor president Peter Luukko said yesterday. "That was as good a hockey game as can be played and it didn't need that. After all the talk last year about how tough our fans are to play in front of, we went to Washington in the playoffs and someone throws a beer bottle that hits Jeff Carter and in Montreal someone threw a beer into the penalty box that hit Mike Richards and nothing like that happened here. We were angry last night."
So angry, in fact, that the Flyers are conducting an investigation; there is video from security cameras showing two suspects running from the building.
The description being released is of two males about 6 feet tall. One is described as an African-American wearing a white Flyers jersey and a white male also wearing a Flyers jersey, with his face painted.
"We are working diligently to catch the culprit and hope to prosecute the person," Luukko said. "If we find that the person is a season ticketholder, we will permanently cancel their tickets."
As for the National League champion Phillies, the grizzled veteran columnist Bill Conlon opines...Joe Blanton wasn't supposed to be pitching last night. Not according to the army of bloggers, e-mailers and fantasy-team managers who trampled each other deserting Jamie Moyer's corner. Many exhorted me to demand that Pat Gillick, Charlie Manuel, Rich Dubee and all the Phillies' powers-that-be make sure that Moyer was denied his World Series turn in the wake of a brief and ineffective outing in Game 3 of the NLCS in Dodger Stadium.
Give the ball to Joe Blanton in Game 3, for God sakes. Don't send that old man out there again. Please.
Nor was Pat Burrell supposed to be playing left with his ponderous gait. The Bat had to be the DH against the Tampa Bay Rays' Game 1 starter Scott Kazmir. Against the Rays' righties, Ryan Howard had to wear the DH mantle with Greg Dobbs playing first base.
And remember the success Manuel had with the flip-flop of Jayson Werth to No. 6 and Shane Victorino to No. 2 in Game 2 of the Division Series wipeout of CC Sabathia and the Brewers? Shane set the Money Pit ablaze with an epic grand slam. Well, time for the old fliperoo once again, right, Chuck, with the engine room flooded and the Phillies taking more strikes than an Akron bowling alley and abandoning more guys in scoring position than a payday raid on a mining town brothel.
And while you're at it, Cholly, let's stick Burrell in between Utley and Howard to split that inviting left-left arrangement Rays manager Joe Maddon seemed to exploit by using rookie lefthander David Price for an extended Game 2 save. Yep, Manuel said, he had given that some thought when he looked out there and the gifted No. 1 pick in the 2007 draft was going through his lineup a second time.
Just don't expect to see your Honorary Managers Diplomas in the mail anytime soon. You all flunked Double Switch 101, Lineup Chemistry 202 and Hunch-Playing 303.
Jamie Moyer hauled his 45-year-old bones from the cocoon of a 90-minute rain delay and made the latest-ending World Series game in history one of the most memorable. He was amazing, mesmerizing, magicianly, baffling and masterful. The Phillies won an amazingly tense, flawed and quintessentially entertaining Game 3 with a ninth inning that called for a redefining of the word "bizarre."
Joe Blanton pitched on his Game 4 night and authored personal and World Series history. Haystack Joe is reputedly a "contact pitcher." In a 10-2 destruction of the Rays that moved the Phillies into the wind shadow of their second World Series title, Blanton fired seven strikeouts in six-plus electric innings.
But that's not all . . . With two outs in the fifth, Joe put a righthanded version of the Matt Stairs buggywhip stroke on an Edwin Jackson heater and sent a screaming tracer into the leftfield seats. Blanton dragged some impressive records with him running out the first World Series homer by a pitcher since Kenny Holtzman hit one for Oakland in 1974.
Oh, yeah . . . Charlie has played Burrell in left and Howard at first throughout. And when Werth smoked a double and then two-run homer last night, he was batting No. 2 because that's the way Charlie Manuel had it set up, in the thinking he has done since this incredible postseason began. And, once more, Utley and Howard hit back-to-back and the Big Man inside-outed a three-run homer to left and a monster shot, two-run exclamation point, to right off lefthander Trever Miller in the eighth.
A Cleveland writer asked Manuel before the Phillies went 10-3 in the postseason if he is a different manager than he was when leading an Indians team loaded with All-Stars. And has he improved as a manager?
"The same old Charlie," he said. "I'm the same manager I was when I managed in Triple A or Double A, or A ball. I'm the same manager. Just when you win you're better [laughter], and that comes from having better players."
Now, don`cha hate it when you have to explain your jokes? It's never funny afterwards, and yet this column is jam-packed on an everyday basis with allusions and pop culture references. Therefore, I was trying to make a funny when I suggested last Friday that Marlo Thomas would have made a better VP pick than Sarah Palin.
The column was called, I Don't Want THAT Girl. Again from wikipedia...That Girl is an American television situation comedy that ran on ABC from 1966 to 1971. It starred Marlo Thomas as the title character, Ann Marie, an aspiring (but only sporadically employed) actress, who had moved from her hometown of Brewster, New York to make it big in New York City. Ann had to take a number of offbeat "temp" jobs to support herself in between her various auditions and bit parts, though she nonetheless was able to afford a spacious Manhattan apartment as well as an extensive wardrobe of mod fashions.
So, I was imagining the next SNL skit for Tina Fey and thought of a parody of the show's beginning, where some talent scout would see her in a crowd and explain, "I want that girl!"
Still, I'd argue that Marlo Thomas would STILL be a better candidate than Palin as evidenced by her exhaustive charity work. One more time from the wiki-folks...
Lastly, I think we can all agree that Patti LaBelle still has some pipes. She sang a stirring,stunning version of the National Anthem before Game 4 of the World Series Sunday night.
It's one thing to interpret the National Anthem by injecting new beats and notes -- it's a pregame tradition that has rewarded such superstars as Jimi Hendrix, Marvin ####e and Whitney Houston with career highlights. But LaBelle took it to the next level with editorial enhancements to the words written by Francis Scott Key.
"Did she just say 'the skylights' last gleaming'?" I said to Mrs. TV Barn as I reached for the remote. Yes, upon further review, it turns out she did sing that very lyric. And "the perilous flight." And "from the clouds we watched" (WTD?). All lyrics, no doubt, that were meant to be overlooked in the course of her soaring unaccompanied vocals, which were, I will admit, impressive.
And after all, everyone can relate to a gleaming skylight and taking a perilous flight and looking down from the clouds, so you can't say Ms. LaBelle didn't make the lyrics more relevant to our modern sensibilities.
But something tells me she didn't do it on purpose.
I admit, she took great liberties and an awful long time, but I'd gladly take that over hackneyed versions of "God Bless The USA" and "God Bless America" at my ballgames any day.
I mean, can't we simply enjoy our freedoms, start the games and leave the big guy out of it? This land is my land too, you know.
With all the hubbub about former Green Bay Packer QB Brett Favre's allegedly sharing inside information with then-Detroit Lions' GM Matt Millen, you may also have wondered to yourself: If the Lions knew what was coming and still lost by several TD's, then the Detroit football team must be -- to quote the esteemed Homer Simpson, the suckiest team that ever sucked.
1. The latest Brett Favre brouhaha would be a bigger deal from a Detroit perspective if, one, the Lions didn't get their butts kicked by Green Bay and, two, Matt Millen were still the Lions' president.
2. The Lions fell behind by three touchdowns in the first quarter and gave up 447 yards in the game. If Favre helped them prepare, that's just further evidence the Lions stink. And we already knew that.
3. Millen knows Favre from his days as a broadcaster. They have a lot in common as country boys. It would be no surprise if Millen called Favre to invite him over to hunt and then milked him for some football info.
4. Think of the Green Bay perspective, though. Imagine if Steve Yzerman had an ugly divorce with the Red Wings toward the end of his career, went to play for the Islanders and helped a lowly division rival like the Blue Jackets try to beat the Wings.
5. It would do Rod Marinelli no good to comment on the Favre thing if there's any shred of truth to it. If he lies, he's a liar. If he dances around the truth, he's shifty. If he comes clean, he makes everyone looks bad and invites more questions.
Bill Plaschke of the Los Angeles Times checks the pulse of the Wisconsin locals on the subject. (Yeah, I know it's a long way from home, but it's not like he has an actual NFL team in LA to cover.)
On Brett Favre Pass, some folks are wishing he had thrown his last.
"I just wish he had stayed retired," said Ron Enke, manager of Champion's sports bar, located a Hail Mary away from Green Bay's Lambeau Field. "What coming back has done for his image, what it has done for the mood of the town, lots of people wish he had stayed retired."
Eight months after the face of the NFL tearfully announced his retirement, that face is bruised and blushing.
It is the face of an accused liar. It is the face of an alleged cheater. It is a face lost.
The works of a lifetime, tarnished in less than a football season. An American hero, undone by the American way.
That's the thing about freedom. It gives us the right to choose wrong.
The score is now final, and it's not even close.
Brett Favre, New York Jets quarterback, Green Bay Packers traitor, fast-leaking legend, should have quit when he said he was quitting.
The college football season lingers on here in Madison. but the Wisconsin State Journal's Tom Oates suggests that the UW has now become a hoops school.
It may be for this year only, but, as they do at Kentucky, Duke, North Carolina and other basketball-first schools, UW fans have largely pulled the plug on football and are eagerly anticipating the start of the men's basketball season.
So are the Badgers, though it has nothing to do with football.
"We're just ready for basketball to start," junior guard Jason Bohannon said this week, the first full week of practice for the Badgers. "I don't know about everyone else, but we're ready for it to get going."
Why wouldn't they be?
They've won 30 and 31 games the last two years and last season won the Big Ten regular-season and tournament titles. The comparative lack of success in the NCAA tournament is an underlying issue only the Badgers can make go away, but aside from that, the program put together by coach Bo Ryan is rolling merrily along, methodically retooling every year and generally exceeding expectations.
Ryan admits, however, expectations are growing for a program that has averaged 24.7 wins per year during his seven seasons.
Of course, once upon a time, Wisconsin used to be a hockey school, so it's still a big deal when arch-rival Minnesota comes to town.
Their response to the Wisconsin Badgers on Friday, the way that goaltender Shane Connelly sees it, was that it wasn't yet time for them to get their first victory.
Minnesota rallied from a 2-0 deficit with a pair of goals off redirections in front of the net — the kind of plays that can be considered either highly skilled or highly lucky — and earned a 2-2 tie in front of 13,184 fans at the Kohl Center.
"The hockey gods aren't making it easy for us to get our first win," Connelly said. "At least a positive is a tie, but at the same time, we've got to hold onto these leads. It has to change pretty quickly."
Speaking of gods (or God or whatever), the religion writer for the Washington Post has a perfect explanation as to why the Tampa Bay Rays were able to make their miraculous "worst to first" run to the World Series. And as Dave Barry might say, I'm not making this up.
Devil be gone!
For 10 years, they were a losing baseball team with a fiendish nickname: the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Then the club exorcised the "Devil" from its name, and suddenly Tampa Bay is in the World Series.
The Rays won the pennant less than a year after they put the Devil behind them, and some Tampa pastors would like to think that's the reason why.
Rev. Wayne Newman of Bay Life Assembly of God says the Rays' turnaround may be God's way of saying, "If you get the devil out, you're liable to go somewhere." Rev. Tom Atchison of New Life Pentecostal Church of God says that at the very least, the name change has allowed more Christians to root for the team.
Meanwhile, those Tampa Bay Rays fans (or is it, Tampa Ray Bays fans) are up in Philadelphia for the weekend and the hometown paper, the Inquirer is doing its best to be good hosts.
Just to clarify, we did not boo Santa Claus. We merely pelted him with snowballs. And most of the batteries we heaved at J.D. Drew were rechargeable. So lay off us, mainstream media.
Anyway, you have nothing to fear. As long as you follow these few commonsense guidelines, you should leave here with nothing worse than a fractured clavicle:
Make sure your health insurance premiums are paid up.
Pack heat.
Do not wear Rays gear, assuming there is any Rays gear and, if there were, anyone would wear it.
If you arrive early for Sunday's game, do not, under any circumstances, wander into the Eagles' parking lots. (If you're confused, the Eagles' lots are those where the balloons of nitrous oxide are going for $20 and the tailgaters are grilling Dallas fans.) The last out-of-town baseball fan who made that mistake was cornered, beaten, and forced to watch Eagles Post Game Live.
And since the games aren't scheduled to start until after 8 p.m., you'll have plenty of time to sightsee and partake of some of the city's historic culinary treats, and other items of interest.
Here are a few suggestions from a native:This is where the founding fathers approved the Declaration of Independence, drafted the Constitution, and ordered out from Joe's Peking Duck.
Independence Hall.
Morimoto. If you like sushi - and who among us doesn't enjoy raw fish wrapped in gummy rice and smeared with green paste hot enough for Beelzebub? - this tony restaurant is the place for you.
The fall foliage. Take a walk along beautiful Kelly Drive to see the lovely fall colors before they, like Jimmy Rollins' bat, vanish.
Geno's. The cheesesteaks are good, but the rocket scientist who runs the place asks that customers order in English, as if "Yo, gimme one wid" is the Queen's English.
Any Quaker meetinghouse. Take in a service on Sunday and you'll be amazed. Worshippers just sit there and meditate. They don't talk. They don't move. Sounds a lot like B.J. Upton, doesn't it?
You'll find out pretty quickly that, compared with Florida, Philadelphia is an unusual town.
People who live here actually were born here. There are no beaches, no early-bird specials and, thankfully, no Cuban sandwiches. (For Philadelphians unfamiliar with Cuban sandwiches, think stale Oscar Mayer Lunchables.)
So enjoy yourselves. Before you know it, that Mini Cooper will be here to take you back to Tampa-St. Pete.
Yes, this column has been rather Sarah Palin-centric of late. You might even say it's bordered on the Palin-oxious.
The Blues invited Palin to drop a ceremonial puck Friday, and before the game, arena workers laid out a roll of carpet in front of the team's bench. But before Palin came out, the Blues players took the ice and Legace was the first player on.
"I was going to ask (the arena worker) to move (the carpet), but he had his foot there, so I figured he was trying to secure it," Legace said. "He's yelling at us, 'Careful, the carpet ... Careful, the carpet.'
"I'm like I can't jump over it. It's too far and my little legs won't jump that far. I just figured he's holding it and the other end is usually secure, so I'm just worried about it sliding (one) way. As soon as I went down, he lifted his foot off the carpet ... I knew I was coming down and I just couldn't catch myself.
"It's not that serious ... we'll just see what happens tomorrow."
Legace is questionable for tonight's game against Florida at Scottrade Center, and if he can't play, Bishop would likely start and Marek Schwarz would be the backup.
As with Tina Fey, Palin is the gift that just keeps on giving.
Still, I haven't been this viscerally angry about somebody on my TV set since Barry Bonds slinked away from Major League Baseball. And he was simply ruining the National Pasttime. (I know, I just said that but please forgive me.)
This woman could bleep up a one-car funeral. Forget Canada. if she's President, we might need to look for a new planet.
I mean, we just went through eight years with an intellectually discurious person in the White House and we allllll know how well that worked out, eh?
And yet, if you asked Gov. Palin if she was intellectually inclined, she'd likely answer, "you betcha."
"And you have to be up on not only current events, but you have to understand the foundation of the issues that you're working on," Palin said in an interview with People magazine. "You can't just go on what is presented you."
Although Palin didn't name a single newspaper or magazine when CBS News anchor Katie Couric asked where she got her information, the Alaska governor told People that she has always been a "voracious reader" and named reading — anything from biographies to historical works — as her favorite thing along with her children and sports.
Besides author Lawrence Wright's terrorism history, "The Looming Tower: Al-Qaeda and the Road to 9/11," Palin said she's reading a lot of briefing papers.
"I appreciate a lot of information. I think that comes from growing up in a family of school teachers," she said.
Palin said if she and husband Todd had had a sixth child, they had already picked a name for a boy joining siblings Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Trig.
"I always wanted a son named Zamboni," she said.
Finally, director Ron Howard would also like to talk to you about this election. And so would Andy Griffith and Henry Winkler.
The nexus of today's column centers on the city of Seattle. Jack Zduriencik, the man who rebuilt the Milwaukee Brewers' franchise, will be introduced this morning as the Seattle Mariners' new General Manager. The teeth-gnashing in Milwaukee is only just beginning.
In what may be a bumpy off-season for the Brew Crew, Zduriencik could be the team's biggest loss. The man who drafted the likes of Prince Fielder, JJ Hardy and Rickie Weeks is leaving the team. As the Associated Press reports, Milwaukee Brewers’ general manager Doug Melvin has two big vacancies to fill.
He says he’ll choose a field manager before deciding who will run the team’s scouting operation.
Yesterday, scouting director Jack Zduriencik was named the general manager in Seattle. Melvin says he’s not ready to talk about candidates for the scouting post. The Brewers’ Web site says assisting scouting director Tony Blengino may be considered, along with long-time assistant Tom Flanagan. Flanagan is the director of administration for player development and scouting. Four regional scouting cross-checkers could also be in line to replace Zduriencik. They include Jeff Cornell and Bruce Seid.
Today, Melvin is scheduled to interview his third candidate for the managing vacancy, former Arizona manager Bob Brenly. Melvin says he has already interviewed ex-Mets’ skipper Willie Randolph and former Oakland manager Ken Macha. He expects to make a decision on the managing post sometime next week.
Revamping the Mariners will be a challenge, but it's nothing compared to the mess that was the Brewers, where the financial resources are nowhere close to what Mariners ownership has committed.
The Brewers farm system was ranked 30th by Baseball America in 2000 and 2001 but, by 2004, had risen to No. 1. The Brewers ended a 12-year losing streak in 2005, then, this season, made their first postseason appearance since 1982.
A year ago, Zduriencik was bypassed for the GM job in his native Pittsburgh but became the first nongeneral manager to be voted Executive of the Year by Baseball America.
Now Zduriencik will get his chance in Seattle, where those who have worked with him are convinced he will be a success.
"I'm confident in Jack Zduriencik," then-Brewers manager Ned Yost said when asked about the 2007 first-round selection of Matt LaPorta. "If Jack drafted Pee-wee Herman, I'd be feeling pretty good about it."
Funny that you should mention Yost, as the Seattle Times suggests that the recently deposed Milwaukee manager is Zduriencik's first choice for the next Mariners' skipper.
It was six years ago that the Milwaukee Brewers hired Ned Yost to manage a team that had lost 106 games. The guy in charge of drafting and player development for Milwaukee was none other than Zduriencik, and the fruits of his picks were about to be reaped by Yost at the major-league level.
Within three seasons, the Brewers were playing .500 ball. Yost then had them contending for the playoffs last year and again this season before being fired in mid-September with his team in a dreadful slump. The dismissal, an act of apparent desperation by team owner Mark Attanasio, came against the wishes of GM Doug Melvin and his staff.
And now, on the lookout for his next job, Yost would like nothing more than to team up again with old pal Zduriencik in Seattle.
"Definitely, most definitely," Yost said in an interview on Thursday. "The opportunity to work with Jack again is really, really appealing."
This column has already expressed the belief that Brenly is a no-brainer for the field manager's job. Macha was Melvin's first choice when he hired Yost, but it would take too long for the former Oakland A's skipper to get up to speed.
Willie Randolph may be a sentimental pick as he did finish his playing days in Milwaukee, but -- even though I like the man -- I don't feel he's the right man for the job at this time.
The reason I (along with many Brewer followers) are pushing so hard for Brenly is that he's spent the last four years working for their closest rival, the Chicago Cubs. Yes, he was in the broadcast booth, but if there's anyone around who knows how to beat the Cubbies, it's Brenly. And oh by the way, Brenly has something that neither Macha nor Randolph has -- a World Series ring as manager.
The Chicago Tribune is already sensing what could become of the budding Milwaukee-Chicago rivalry under a Brenly administration.
The idea of Brenly managing in the Central Division against good friends Lou Piniella and Dusty Baker, two men he has studied closely over the last four years in the Cubs' booth, is only part of the package of intrigue. The juicy stuff will come at Miller Park and Wrigley Field whenever Alfonso Soriano steps into the box.
Brenly vs. Soriano was just a footnote in a wild Cubs season, but it was one of the more interesting developments of the early going. In May, after Soriano dropped a fly ball to lose a game in Pittsburgh with two outs in the ninth inning, Brenly argued Soriano wasn't a true "superstar." He went on to add the memorable line that you could "throw a dart" in the dugout and hit someone who's a better fielder than the Cubs' $136 million outfielder.
There are two more sports stories of note in the Great Northwest. The NBA season opens up shop next week and for the first time since 1967, it does so without a team in Seattle. The former Super Sonics were allowed to move and become the Oklahoma City Thunder. Still, as was the case with the NFL's Cleveland Browns, the team agreed to release the SuperSonics' name, logo, and colors to a possible future NBA club in Seattle, but retained rights to its franchise history.
As Art Theil and Gary Washburn of seattlepi.com report in today's edition, a new plan to divert a portion of hotel-tax money from the state convention center to a remodel of KeyArena could help Seattle begin pursuing a replacement NBA team as soon as 2010.NBA Commissioner David Stern said Thursday "positive" talks have gone on between the league and a potential ownership group headed by Microsoft Chief Executive Steve Ballmer, who led an ill-fated plan to save the Sonics earlier this year.
Deputy Mayor Tim Ceis confirmed the talks, and said he was optimistic that this time around the city's request for state authorization will meet little resistance when the Legislature convenes in January.
"It should be noncontroversial, because it's a city-only tax that already exists and will not be an increase," Ceis said of the latest attempt to find a long-sought public portion of a proposed $300 million renovation for a building currently deemed financially obsolete by the National Basketball Association.
"If we can get our funding package together this session, we can start to work with the Ballmer group on identifying a team for Seattle, but probably not until 2010."
TNT's Marv Albert made more than 30 years of trips to Seattle to call basketball games, and his disappointment was apparent.
"I would think the NBA is looking eventually to put a team back in Seattle," he said. "It's too good a city and the history of the NBA in Seattle is too strong for it not to be viable in the short time. I bet on it, that they will have a franchise."
Arguably a bigger story in town is the predicted demise of UW football coach Ty Willingham. He was came to Seattle after being dumped by Notre Dame and – wouldn’t you know it – the Fighting Irish come to town this weekend. Also from seattlepi.com, "before Willingham arrived in South Bend in 2002, the Irish had four .500 or worse seasons in the previous 20 years.
Willingham's three-year record was 21-16. After his 10-3 debut season, his teams put together records of 5-7 and 6-6 and never won a bowl game.
What was astounding, though, was how Notre Dame lost.
In 2004, the Irish lost to USC by 31 points, to Purdue by 25 points. The year before, they lost to Florida State, USC and Michigan by margins of 37, 31 and 38 points, respectively.
These losses really got people talking.
"All the stuff that people liked about him changed," Hansen said. "His being quiet and stuff? The first year it was, 'He's introspective.' Then it turned into, 'He's guarded.'
"Then they had these thunderous losses, and Tyrone didn't have an explanation."
Whatever went wrong for Willingham in South Bend seems to have manifested itself at Washington. The UW likely will give the coach a pink slip at season's end.
After three-plus seasons, Huskies fans have joined in the chatter, voicing their displeasure as much with the product the coach has put on the field as with his stoic demeanor and puzzling explanations.
With an 11-31 record and just two home wins against BCS opponents, Willingham may feel the world stacking against him yet again."
The other U-Dub, Wisconsin, celebrates -- if that's the right word -- Homecoming tomorrow with an 11am kickoff versus the Cheating (sorry) Fighting Ilini. Somehow, news of the Badgers' dismal losing streak must not have gotten to Las Vegas, as the oddsmakers have Illinois as a mere 2 1/2 point favorite.
Two and a half?! I'd put the over/under for people getting Tazered at 2 1/2.
In the Big Ten football game that matters, the Cleveland Plain Dealer's Doug Lesmerises has the following assessment:
* If Ohio State wins: The Buckeyes would gain the inside track for the Big Ten title with only three games remaining against Northwestern, Illinois and Michigan. Ohio State might climb to No. 6 in the BCS standings on Sunday, but the Buckeyes would need a lot of help, including multiple Texas losses and a USC upset loss, to get back in the national title race. So the Big Ten champ would almost certainly wind up in its expected home, at the Rose Bowl. Even if Ohio State loses once after beating Penn State, the Buckeyes would still head to the Rose Bowl as the conference champ because of the head-to-head win over Penn State.
* If Penn State wins: The Nittany Lions would remain undefeated and ranked No. 3 in the country with games remaining at Iowa and at home with Indiana and Michigan State. Texas and Alabama would stay ahead of the Nittany Lions in the BCS standings - unless Alabama plays another close one and Penn State is particularly impressive. Then Penn State could leap to No. 2. But it's hard to imagine both Texas and Alabama finishing without a loss - there are too many hurdles remaining. When one of those team loses, I don't see another one-loss team jumping undefeated Penn State. So the path is pretty clear to Miami for the Nittany Lions with a win Saturday. And that would leave the Rose Bowl without the Big Ten champ and looking to pick a replacement. A 10-2 team that could very well be back in the top 10 by the end of the year with a rabid fanbase that hasn't made the trip to Pasadena in 12 years - that would be a pretty good replacement choice for the folks in Pasadena. If the Rose Bowl chose Illinois last year to replace Ohio State, when there were higher ranked teams out there, then Ohio State would definitely be chosen to replace Penn State. After Ohio State lost to USC, I made hotel reservations for the Capital One Bowl, but it doesn't look like that will be necessary. The easiest way for Ohio State to fall short of Pasadena is for Penn State to win on Saturday and then lose to Michigan State, falling out of the national title picture and then heading to the Rose Bowl as the Big Ten champ.
He also suggests that, one way or another, Buckeye fans start making reservations for Pasadena now.
Finally, this column has received letters that we include too much politics while others have saluted its pulse on the body politic. I'd argue that this election is rather important, doncha think?
In 11 days, it'll be the beginning or the end of the world, depending on how you view these things. Unfortunately, it will not be the end of us having to suffer through Sarah Palin's face on our television screens. As John Kerry might put it, oh that it were so.
Many have suggested that the erstwhile hockey mom has been auditioning for some future job and that scenario was confirmed as the Hollywood Reporter gives us this ghastly news.
As campaign managers for Sarah Palin plot last-minute tactics to get her elected, Hollywood bigwigs are convening strategy sessions of their own. Their goal: finding the ideal on-air vehicle for the vp candidate if and when she exits politics.
Love her or hate her -- there doesn't seem to be much middle ground with Palin -- the 44-year-old hockey mom has captured the public imagination in a way no politician has since, well, Barack Obama.
But as more and more polls cast doubt on the McCain-Palin ticket, producers and agents across the entertainment world are discussing possibilities for capitalizing on her fame, ranging from an Oprah-style syndicated talk show to a Sean Hannity-like perch in cable news or on radio.
"Any television person who sees the numbers when she appears on anything would say Sarah Palin would be great," said veteran morning-show producer Steve Friedman, citing the double-digit ratings gains her appearances on "Saturday Night Live" and "CBS Evening News" generated. "The passion she has on each side, love and hate, makes television people say, 'Wow, imagine the viewership.' "
Although none of the execs has -- at least as far as anyone is admitting -- made direct overtures to the Alaska governor, they are readying their battle plans if she decides to give up her day job.
Of course, even if the McCain-Palin ticket loses, the Tina Fey look-alike still has a job in politics for at least another two years as governor of Alaska. A spokesman for Palin did not return calls for comment.
But the candidate has undeniable onscreen charisma as her "SNL" performance proved last weekend. And though the Palin Express sometimes veers off the tracks -- as it did in her notorious interview with Katie Couric -- Americans enjoy celebrities as much for their contretemps as their talent.
Most industry insiders believe a talk show is the probable route for Palin. Although daytime syndication can be tough sledding, it would take a personality of her stature to break through the clutter, and her folksy red-state persona could be just the thing to connect with this female-skewing audience.
One producer/packager said he has held internal staff meetings about how to best parlay Palin's appeal and skills, with a daytime talk show the likely vehicle. "I see her less as a variety-show host like Ellen (DeGeneres) and more of a single-topic host like Tyra (Banks), or maybe what Jenny Jones used to be," said Chris Coelen, CEO of RDF USA.
However, one syndie veteran who wished to remain anonymous believes Palin would not make an ideal candidate for talk show host or even court show judge.
"I would not put her on the air," the exec said. "I find her a little stiff, and her ability to read the room is not quite fully developed."
Cable news is another possibility, particularly Fox News Channel, if Palin wants to keep her conservative bona fides intact. There's a well-worn path between the Beltway and TV, from Pat Buchanan to as recent an example as former presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee, who just began his own weekly series on Fox News.
So, we can either look forward (NOT!) to the vapid Palin hosting on Fox Noise or becoming the next Tyra.
The thing is, the best political commentary on the joke that is her VP selection has come from Saturday Night Live. While the rest of the press has treated her with kid gloves, the Baltimore Sun gives the show its much deserved credit for going where the conventional media has feared to go.
Watching the Thursday night installment of Saturday Night Live, I was reminded yet again what a profound service political satire serves in this democracy. Again, if the Peabody Awards folks want to retain any sense of relevancy as a reward for socially-conscious programming, SNL has got to be honored first and foremost.
Given the general sense of insecurity and even confusion as to the role of the press in this era of vast economic and technological change, I don't think there are any journalistic voices that could comfortably say what SNL said Thursday night about the performance of outgoing President George W. Bush and the increasingly obvious ambition and recklessness on Republican vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin. And yet, I am sure SNL's actions and words spoke to what millions of Americans are feeling (as the record ratings for SNL's overall skewering of the candidates and current administration has shown this year).
The concept of the opening sketch Thursday with Bush endorsing the McCain-Palin ticket was inspired. It cut straight to the embarrassment the president's own party has for his performance and the troubled state in which he leaves this country. Will Ferrell returned to play Bush, with Tina Fey (I had to stop myself from using the words "the brilliant" in front of her name) as Palin.
Here's a bit of it...
WILL FERRELL AS BUSH: "Hello, my fellow Americans. I have chosen to schedule this impromptu address at night because quite frankly every time I speak during the day, the Stock Market goes in the ####. So, sorry, Asian markets. You take the hit on this one. I come to you tonight in the midst of a very important election between two very qualified candidates: the hot lady and the Tiger Woods guy. Both candidates are heavily patriotized and display much characterization. And yes, I did have three Xanax and a Silver Bullet about a half-hour ago. I'm out of here in a few months, so screw it. But before I leave I wanted to help Sarah Palin and John McCain by giving them what every candidate wants most: a prime-time heavily publicized network endorsement from George W. Bush. Hey, don't pinch yourself John, you are awake!"
FERRELL AS BUSH (continues) -- "Now I tried to do this several months ago but somehow it kept getting pushed to a written press release or a shouted sentence as I walked to the helicopter. I began to suspect that they didn't want my endorsement to be too public. But now with the country on a big upswing and my numbers on the rise, I thought it was time to give a proper, large scale 'much love' to McCain and Palin..."
(WILL FORTE, playing an AIDE to the president, enters and whispers in BUSH's ear)
FERRELL AS BUSH (continues) – "What? Really? Why didn't you tell me Jeff? I've just been told by my trusted aide Jeff, that the country is actually in a horrible downward spiral and that my approval numbers are lower than ever. That one's on me. Four months ago, I declared the Oval Office a bummer-free zone. So... You know what, let's bring on Senator McCain and Governor Palin."
(TINA FEY as SARAH PALIN enters smiling and waving and sits next to BUSH on the front the desk)
TINA FEY AS PALIN – "So nice to meet you, Mr. President. I've seen you on TV."
FERRELL AS BUSH – "Where's McRage?"
FEY AS PALIN – "You know, John McCain and I have been so busy travelin' around this great country of ours talkin' about change and energy independence and William Ayers, and doin' a little shoppin', but unfortunately Senator McCain, upon hearing you wanted to give him a super public endorsement, cannot be found. He was last seen travelin' on foot through the Adirondacks. But my husband and two of his drinkin' buddies are in pursuit on snowmachines.
FERRELL AS BUSH – "Well, We'll smoke him out. George Bush always finds his man save for one huge exception."
FEY AS PALIN – "We are gonna get 'er done."
FERRELL AS BUSH – "My God you are folksy."
FEY AS PALIN – "Why thank you Mr. President. I like to think I'm one part practiced folksy , one part sassy and a little dash of high school ####y."
FERRELL AS BUSH – "For a little while I was trying to be folksy but after a bit, it just came off douchey. All right, let me get into my endorsement for you as Vice President. As you know America, the office of Vice President is the most important office in the land. The Vice President decides when we go to war, how we tax the citizens and how we interpret the Constitution. The President can do nothing without checking with the Vice President. That is why Sarah Palin..."
FEY AS PALIN – "Actually, Mr. President, I don't want to go all Katie Couric on you, but I think it's actually the other way around. I think the Vice President reports to the President."
FERRELL AS BUSH – "Really? That's not what #### Cheney told me when he sat me down on the first day."
The press could do better. NBC anchorman Brian Williams had a chance to ask Palin about her "little shoppin'" spree, but chose not to. But here is a group of comedy writers and performers not only riffing on it, but putting it in the context of her look-at-me/look-at-me personality. (She did all but elbow her running mate, John McCain out of the camera shot during the interview with Williams to the point where I was watching a political remake of A Star is Born.)
And SNL nailed it all like no one -- not even the savviest, smartest and snarkiest political columnists -- has this week.
SNL's live primetime Weekend Update Thursday ended its run last night. I will miss it. But what a service to democracy it provided.
And you know what, John McCain? If you hadn't gotten smitten with Palin in the first place, you just might have won this thing. You put her on the ballot to excite the red-meat "kill him, he's an arab terrorist" crowd, but you instead sent any and all independent voters (and what's left of the moderate Republicans) in droves over to the Obama-Biden ticket.
And for what? The angry white males would have voted for you anyway -- I mean, where were they going to go?
So, you -- a 72 year old man who had already dumped your first wife for a young blonde rodeo queen -- lose your last chance at the White House because you looked across the room and exclaimed, "I want THAT girl!"
And you know what else, Senator McCain?
In retrospect, Marlo Thomas would have made a much better choice.
"To anybody who's a soul music fan, this is like royalty dying," ...
Admittedly, it was awfully tough to watch the deciding Game 7 of the American League Championship Series last night. A big reason was my constant flicking back to watch Mad Men on AMC, THE essential MUST watch television program in my life at the moment.
(Note to AMC) Hey, bring Don Draper back to New York already! Don't pull a Desparate Housewives and get all goofy in only your second season and lose your faithful fan base!)
The main reason, though, that many other Americans couldn't bear to watch the baseball game last night was the sickening feeling that the plucky Tampa Bay Rays were about to be gutted by the fates and the Evil Empire 2.0 -- otherwise known as the Boston Red Sox -- were about to pull yet another metaphorical rabbit out of their caps to win yet another American League pennant.
I'll touch on the Evil Empire 2.0 in a moment, but consider the karma surrounding the game for Tampa Bay and their fans last night. They'd been seven runs up and seven outs away from winning it last Thursday night and now it was down to one single game -- after a whole season of defying expectations -- of finally falling just short of the World Series.
Even though they'd won the AL East, these Rays and their fans were in danger of being just another lovable loser, just another Bartman moment, just another speedbump as the Evil Empire 2.0 skipped right past them.
Could this miracle of a baseball season be consigned to the dungeon of great postseason collapses? Could the '08 Rays go from being the '69 Mets to the '03 Cubs in 72 hours flat?
It would be like those '69 Mets blowing a 3-1 World Series lead to the Orioles. It would be like the Soviets scoring two late goals to beat the U.S. Olympic hockey team at Lake Placid in 1980. It would be like Mike Tyson getting back up to knock out Buster Douglas.
It would be a shame if this season was judged by how it ended.
Flaming wreckage is no way to end this. No way at all.
Instead, it happened and nothing will ever be the same. This was big. This was Charlie Brown finally getting to kick that football big.
Now there is a mourning Red Sox Nation that is in total denial. They don't understand that their beloved team has become the NEW New York Yankees -- the NEW best-team-money-can-buy and therefore, the team America now roots AGAINST!
So how are we going to explain why, when it looked as if the Amazin' Rays would buckle under the pressure of a seventh game, they refused to buckle? How are we going to explain exactly why, when it looked as if the Red Sox would make the Rays another notch in their remarkable postseason belt, that it was the defending world champions who would melt?
All we can tell you is that it happened. All we can tell you is the Rays, the latter-day cousins of the '69 Amazin' Mets, beat the Red Sox 3-1 before 40,473 fans and at least that many cowbells at Tropicana Field to win the seventh game of the 2008 ALCS. All we can tell you is a team that had finished in last place nine of the 10 years of its existence answered a 96-loss season with 97 wins, a division title and its first World Series appearance.
"I hate to disappoint the hard-liners, but I really can step back [and enjoy this as a fan]," Rays` manager Joe Maddon said before the start of Sunday's game. "I actually was taking my bike ride today, and you just look out over the water and you think about Game 7. When you're a kid in the playground or in the backyard playing, you're always playing Game 7. Well, here it is."
Maddon said he never lost a Game 7 in his backyard growing up in Hazleton, Pa. Well, this isn't Hazleton. This is the big leagues. To be fair, Maddon was the bench coach when the Angels beat the Giants in Game 7 of the 2002 World Series. But those were the Giants. These are the Red Sox, and they steal dreams.
Last pitch: 11:40 p.m. Tampa Bay went nuts in celebration at 11:41. Within 10 minutes, the Rays were circling the field, spraying fans with champagne, jumping up and high-fiving them. And who could blame them? The Rays may have been too young and dumb to realize they were supposed to choke this series away, but they sure are special.
"I know our guys will be down for a little while, but they have no reason to hang their heads," Red Sox manager Terry Francona said of a season filled with injuries and transition. And he's right.
If you're a Red Sox fan, you hate that your team lost. But if you're any kind of baseball fan, you can't hate the Rays for winning.
Locally, there was some baseball news of note. The Milwaukee Brewers announced that they'd signed General Manager Doug Melvin to a contract extension, would make a solid contract offer to free agent pitcher CC Sabathia and would NOT consider Dale Sveum for the field manager's job next season.
Sveum, of course, is crushed. He played for the Brewers, he pulled the team from the brink of elimination to make the playoffs and believed that he'd get a fair shot at managing on a full-time basis.
Melvin insists that he wants someone with previous managing success and the list of possibles includes many of the usual subjects. Still, this columnist's prediction -- a month ago, I might add -- is still Bob Brenly.
Brenly, the former Arizona manager now broadcasting Chicago Cubs games for WGN, certainly has seen the Brewers and other National League Central clubs many times in that role, and he fits the “previous success” qualification by leading the Diamondbacks to the 2001 World Series title.
Moreover, after watching both teams over the last few years, Brenly should have tremendous insight into what the Brewers need to do to overtake the Cubbies in the NL Central.
Curb your enthusiasm, but the Wisconsin Badgers are projected to go to the Motor City Bowl. (Yeah, baby, Detroit in December sure beats Florida on New Year's Day, ainna hey!)
Admittedly, Darst isn't sold on Wisconsin, and even said (after taking a longer look at UW): "wow, I'm looking at the schedule, not sure they can make it."
Darst is thinking UW will end up at 6-6 - but might need a three-game winning streak to close the season to get there. More of his reasoning: "But yes, out of 11 teams, 2 to the BCS, Indiana and Purdue out, Wisconsin is projected as the last team to get in -- Motor City bowl."
Still, the Badgers weren't even the biggest disappointment in the country last Saturday, not even the biggest flop in the Big Ten. That dubious honor goes to Michigan State, which laid a big fat egg on network TV in losing BIG to Ohio State.
The Detroit Free Press' Mitch Albom (yes, he still actually writes a column like the rest of us ink stained wretches) gives Sparty the big thumbs-down.
The weather was perfect, the stadium was packed and the whole town was pounding with green-and-white optimism.
And then the game started.
And Ohio State pulled the Spartans’ pants down.
Not ready. Not yet. The records suggested that Michigan State was an elite team, but records are just numbers. The field tells the tale. And on the field, there were the Big Boys and there were the Wannabes. Before this game was 15 minutes old, it told an age-old story about one team that has done it and one team that is still dreaming about it.
“What’s the one thing you did well today?” someone asked MSU defensive coordinator Pat Narduzzi, after the 45-7 drubbing.
“I thought we did a good job in warm-ups,” he said.
Unfortunately, you missed those. What you saw was one team, on the road, that was more than ready for the big stage, and one team, at home, that was still in make-up.
And now the Spartans have must guard against their drea
